Relapsed - Day one -Hydro 10's

[I_Wanna_Win]

Hello everyone. It appears like many others have, I have relapsed. I feel horrible about it. I could kick myself over and over again for it. It was a 2 and 1/2 week run. I cant believe this happened. I was taking more than 15 10/500 a day for a long long time. I guess I know what to expect, but I really really need the support. I live away from my family and have for several years. I live in a town by myself with people who just use. I made a decision to leave this place and go home, little over a week and a half away from move back. I hate myself today, day one really again. I could be 3 weeks clean working on a full month and I blew it hard core. Here, I have nothing that makes me happy so popping the devils meds always kept me numb enough to deal with being alone here in this town. I cant wait to get out of here. I know I have to keep the same attitude when I get where I am going too, to stay sober. I am hoping I am accepted back here without too much judgment, but understand if so. I am hopeful yet again and am really looking for support. Can someone answer why I have this terrible smell in my nose when quitting? It is so god aweful I have to chew gum just to get smell out of my head. It's ridiculous. Looking forward to moving on with my life. I had a slip up, I need to pick myself back up and move forward - get the life back I said I wanted last time. I was well on my way. Ever so disappointed in myself.  

[worried878]

Did u snort?  I do remeber having a metallic taste in my mouth after stopping,,no telling what the smell is if u swallowed//we put off weird odors everywhere during detox...ugh...as far as I know//no one else can smell them//i hope not anyway
Sounds like u wanna make  a change in ur life by getting rid of the company u keep..moving home could be the best thing...it is important to have support right now////hiding in the closet about addiction doesnt work for many//there comes a time when saving urself is attractive//so aftercare also becomes more attractive....

Give urself a pat on the back for trying//some addicts stay in denial for life and lose everything they own..including their soul...it bothers some personalities to lose control...to watch ur life slip by pill after pill...and those r the ones who will fight.////good luck to u and keep posting

[mental_mayhem]

That's great! I also relapsed and am starting over tommorow. I'm nervous about the mental part more then the physical. But I plan on doing aftercare this time and want to be free from the pills for good. Glad your doing well, are you doing aftercare too this time?  

[I_Wanna_Win]

12 days or so clean and doing ok. Sleep is getting better, appetite back and feeling pretty good over all considering i was using 20 10/500 a day. It has been a FIGHT and struggle but with the help of this site and staying focused I am still clean. Never made it this far before and very hopeful I can stay here. Looking forward to the 1st 30 day marker. Wish me luck I know i NEED all the help I can get. To all those just starting out it is possible. Look at my intake - WOW. LUCKY TO BE ALIVE with all those pills every  day for soooooo long. Its hard but it can be done. We fight - we fight together. This site has been my iron during this process as NO ONE KNOWS but me, and those who view threads here. Thank god for MedHelp. I'll keep ya all posted.

[Danny111]

Like the folks above have said you can't beat yourself up about relapsing you just have to get back on the wagon and keep pushing.  I'd guess that most of the people on here took more than one and possibly many tries to get sober.  On a personal note I don't even remember how many times I stopped prior to this last one.  Many times it takes several tries to quit something addictive.  I haven't had a cigarette since 8/15/09 but that was at least my 8th attempt at quitting.  

You just have to keep plugging.  Have you thought about aftercare?  NA meetings or something similar?  

Many people(myself included) can get through the physical wd's without relapsing.  Since they are so cra-ppy it's easy to resolve not to take any more pills.  Unfortunately once the bad symtoms are gone our brains seem to trick us into using again.  We somehow forget the bad parts and rationalize ourselves into deciding it's ok to use again.  I think aftercare helps with this kind of thinking.  I guess it just reminds you not to use or helps you stay focused.

[stilltrying1965]

Dont beat yourself up about your realapse.Just get back on the wagon and try again we all learn by our mistakes. I had 200 plus clean  days of  heroin thought i had my addiction beat how wrong i was im 4 days clean this time but iv started attending n/a meetings as i know that a realapse can happen so easily so now i try to do lots of things to give me more tools to stop me realapsing again .......James P S sorry cant help you with the smell dont know what it is or what coses it

[Charetti]

Leave the regret behind and just jump back on!  Many, many people relapse but it doesnt mean you are a failure, just human.  No one here will judge you, thats not what you need right now.  

Good for you for trying to deal with the source of your loneliness.  It is very hard to quit when all the other parts of your life stay the same.  Embrace your new determination and learn from it.  Then share that knowledge with us.  I know I would benefit from it.

Good luck