So sick of being hooked on oxys. Trying to figure out the best way out of this. Please help.

[moonshyne777]

I have been hooked on oxys for a couple years now but it's really gotten worse lately. I am prescribed 3 20mgs a day but find myself snorting 5 some days. I am starting to get pains on my right side below my rib cage. Not sure if it's because of the pills but it probably is. I'm constantly constipated, real annoying but that's nothing. I hate the control these things have on me. My life revolves around them and my fear is how I'll deal without them as I have spinal stenosis and have real pain in my back. I think these frickin pills actually create even more pain. I feel stiff and sore at the end of the day even after snorting 100 mgs of oxy. I am so ashamed of what I've become. I hate myself. You think I would have known better since addiction took my mom from me. Now here I am with two beautiful little children and I'm slowly killing myself. I need to get off these things. I have thought about methadone but the horror stories I've heard scare me, same with subs. i don't think I could do cold turkey again. Tried it once, lasted a month and was a basketcase the whole time. Ended up back on oxys. Seems there's no easy way off these evil things. Is there anyone out there that was a heavy long term user that managed to kick these things? I need some inspiration. Some hope. I want to be a person my children can be proud of. I feel like the odds are stacked against me coming from a family of addicts. Addiction runs in my family and has for years. But I really want this **** to stop. I hate what I've become. I have to snort every couple hours and I don't even get high off them anymore. I'm pathetic. I am throwing my life away for pills and it has to stop. Please tell me how I should go about ending this nightmare. I don't want to be a pillhead anymore!!!!

[neeshysman]

You are in the right place. Funny, but in the past few days I've met more people here that I can relate to than I have "in real life" throughout my entire battle. And everyone I know is an oxyhead!!

Listen to these posters, they really do know what they're talking about.

The rest is knowing that you can't continue your life like this, that it has to stop sometime, so what better time than now. Besides, the longer you wait, the more your lifestyle becomes about taking the pills, the harder it will be to stop.

Look at it like this, you've spent a couple of years getting to the point that you're at now. It's not logical to think that a month will get you back to where you were before you started. As much as I hate to say it, you're gonna have to pay, justy like I am, just like most of us are.

I would look at the positive side, it'll take less than two years to be feeling normal again. In other words, getting to this point was a lengthier process that fixing it is going to be. Unfortunately, you'll spend the rest of your life being an addict. Again, I'm right there with you.

Rough it out for a year. I think that's a small sacrifice to get your life back. After that, it'll be alot more manageable.

And best of luck.

[worried878]

Chewing or snorting oxycontine braks the time release aspect of the drug...in reality swallowing oxycontin is really safer that percs..smae drug but not time relaeased...a time relaesed drug hits u slowly and is slowly released thru the day...the onslaught on the brain by fast acting drugs like hydros and percs can actually be more addicting and harder to wd from if u swallow pills whole..thing is..losts/most addicts do not...they chew the oxycontin, snort it or shoot it making it a drug most drs will not RX often anymore..it is hard to break the cycle of snorting cos results are so fast..even if u only manage to snort half as much today would be good and swallow the rest..
In a perfect world, it would be nice if u did not have to go thru this at all,...but it is not a perfect world and u r where u r....it would be great to swallow now and cut snortin out completely immediately...but if u mess up and snort once or twice today do not give up..u r trying and that is the key....u want this..u have realized u r going nowhere but higher doses..snortin can get u into deep doo doo quickly cos after u break the pill/crush it etc...the effect is fast but gone fast..leading u to snort again and again...This stuff just gets to where it no frickin fun anymore..and then it is time to let go

than you fibromissa....very sweet...there r some long termers still her who helped me stop...a great group and I think it makes this forum tick....ROLL TIDE!

[FibroMissa]

Worried...I have seen you post before and think you are a phenomenal help. Just want to say thanks to you and others like you who are such a great source of help.

Moonshyne I don't have a ton of advice as I'm trying to slowly taper off oxy/percs myself.  I am also a mother and don't like what i've become.  I hadn't snorted yet but have chewed my percs and my 10mgs oxy which amounts to the same thing I guess. I have a chronic pain condition as well as you...fibromyalgia and insomnia.  Yet I too don't know if these even help anymore.   I"m hoping to get right off of the stuff and see where I'm at.  If I can do it other ways without meds then I'd like to. But I feel for you and am right there along side of you.  One thing I can say for sure is this board which I found by mistake is wonderful....  

I wish you well ...we can both do it and our children will be the better for it :)

hugs!

[moonshyne777]

Thanks a lot to Laura and everyone else who replied. I am going to try to start taking my pills by mouth and then plan to quit very soon. I can't go on like this and even though I am dreading those damned withdrawals, I know I have to face it. I can't believe I've gotten this bad but I want to change. I have read PAWS and know from experience that detoxong is nothing compared to actually staying clean. I threw in the towel after a month. I did start to feel better but stupidly got started on the pills again. I feel like people like me have a hard time living without drugs because I'm genetically prone to this crap. It's not like a normal person who's qutting. I consider myself to be flawed by genetic characteristics that make me almost have to do drugs to be happy. I am going to try and live life without being high but I wonder how I'll manage given how anxious and miserable I was last time I stopped. There were upsides. I became more clear headed and really enjoyed time spent with my kids. I had more focus on them because I wasn't obsessed with where my next pill was coming from. That alone is worth me kicking this evil addiction.I have considered methadone because at least it would be regulated and deliver the pain relief I need. I figure I'm just letting someone else medicate me responsibly since I can't seem to be responsible in taking my medication properly. But reading how methadone is far worse then oxys to get off of scares me. I'm trading something bad for something worse except at least the meth would be regulated unlike my oxy binges. I dunno. I know I have to stop this madness but not sure what I'll do. I need to think about it some more and talk to the meth clinic doctor and see what he says and talk to my own doctor. There's no easy way out but my kids deserve a drug free mommy and I am going to do everything I can to make that happen. I wish I never put an opiate in my body but it's too late for regrets I guess.

[10356]

I also have to agree with worried that was some excellent advice.. The part about having a plan to go through wd is just great.. You have a life Beautiful Children and much to live for.. Speak with your Dr, Get honest with him/her first.. it is not so unusual for pain patients to become addicted he can be in on the wd and help with meds.. if you belong to a hmo they have classes.. aa na any organization for extra support.. even counseling as I have had is beneficial.. once the plan is in place you receive confidence in what you are doing.. It is worth it to be Free of Active Addiction.. Many of use live with pain daily. You are correct the drugs cause the body to hurt more.. my pain has lessened a great deal.. You sound as if you are at your bottom.. Pick yourself up and fight for your children for yourself.. You can do this. Only you can.. lesa

[dominosarah]

worried gave you great advice and really knows what she is talking about.  Cant really add anything to what she already said.  We are here to support you so keep posting on the forum........sara

[Holliee]

i sent u a private message check ur inbox

[worried878]

u have reasons to fight this monster...2 very good reasons..and a third which is u...u r slowly losing urself to pills/losing ur soul
You stated all of the things that indicate u r just not having any fun abnymore taking pills..seems easy to just thow in the towel and quit...a non-addict would tell u this "Just quit"   that is why the forum is so comforting...we know it is not so easy..not so easy at all..and knowing u r not alone/addiction is a prevalent disease in our society//u r not a loser or a misfit..u r addicted to pills..this does not make u less of a person but continuing to use will make u lose ur person...u will only go down from here and I feel u know that..addiction doesnt get any better unless u STOP

U are afraid of CT?  did u have ur ducks in a rown the last go around?  did u be sure u had sumpin on hand for anxiety, sleep, the runs?  There r lots of safe meds out there if u ask ur dr like phenergan..some even use a benzo for a short time..phenergain helps sleep, 1/4 of a 25 mg pill helps anxiety/it alos help tummy issues and runny nose people sometimes have during wd...the thomas recipe is full of great advice on supps and Sleep aids etc..it is in the health pages..Did u make a plan last time?  so u have tried CT once?  Did u put all the balls in ur court and seek aftercare to help u win this battle?

You have the first ingredient to quitting..the DESIRE to do so..many never have this and die or go to jail cos they do not want to quit..I have a friend in ICU right now who may not ever recover from the brain damage she has done and it is linked to abuse..this is not where we wanna go..hopefully ur bottom wont be jail, death or an overdose...perhaps ur bottom is now///u r miserable and continuing to take the culprit that is making u miserable...get ur inner power together and fight this..fight hard..99% of this crud is upstairs

One thing it would be great to make a first step and stop snorting..hard to do as snorting becomes a ritual/but do-able/it hits the brain fast but is gone fast so the body wants more and more..have seen snorters get up to 400 mgs a day in a short ime...maybe try swallowing have of ur doses tomorrow then then go down to 3/4 of ur dose snorted..u will actually feel better cos the time release on oxycontin works best when swallowed as it will calm u thru the day vs gone in 30 minutes to a hour when u snort ..snorting can be a harder wd due to the onlsaught of narcotics/endorphins on the brain at once causing new receptors to be created to accomodate the surge..there is an article on dopamine in the health pages that helps u understand

Do u think u can give it one more shot?  my dose was 100 mgs for 4 yrs..didnt start there tho...like u..we got up to that dose tho..u think maybe if u make a plan u might could do this with the forum;s help?

u r welcome to PM me whenver u like
Lots of support here so keep posting

Laura

[OIFMc09]

Wow.  I know exactly how you feel.  Don't beat yourself up to bad though there are still plenty of positive things in your life right?  And I bet you're not as pathetic as you think you are, your addiction isn't nearly as outrageous as most.  I have come off and back on oxy's at higher doses, and what kept me off was that I had absolutely no access to them whatsoever and I was forced to just suffer through it.  You have a legitimate pain problem though right so do you even know if you could manage without pain med's?  How did you feel that month you were off pills - besides being a basketcase - I mean was your pain tolerable?  Suppose you do come off em, what will you fill that void with?  After years of pill abuse it becomes so ingrained in our existence and who we are...it defines us.  I understand your desperation and how it seems like such a futile fight.  I really do believe me, but the truth is there are no miracle cures or magical solutions.  You just have to want to do it.  You have plenty of reasons to stop: your kids, your job, your health, your finances.  I'm struggling right there with you and so is everybody else on this website, and we're not losers.  I would venture to say that most people on here are fairly interesting and everyone on here - including you - are capable of contributing something positive to society.  Keep fighting you can do it!  Eat a lot of fruit and prunes too, that helps with the constipation.