I truly hate myselfI

[KirstenHere]

I failed...I flipping failed. I took 2 vics tonite and feel like complete **** about it. WHY is this drug so strong? I was doing sooo well...was on day 4. Does this mean the DTs start all OVER again? Oh, I feel so bad right now. How could I have done this after FOUR days? You are were soo supportive of me and I was sooo excited to GET OFF of them FINALLY. I don't even have any words to say.

[UpAndAway]

I am on my third attempt to get off of this wicked pill. I started taking it in my early 60's and was addicted for 6 years. Then I decided to quit cold turkey and it took me 3 weeks of hell to withdraw and feel normal. However, the pain came back with a vengeance and after being clean for 10 months, I went back on for a year, but am now on day 11 of withdrawals again.

Kirsten, never say "I give up." My pain without this med is brutal. When I was clean for 10 months, I had to be rushed to the hospital emergency room several times to get my pain level down to where I did not want to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Things would go well again for another month or more, and then the pain would go past the top of the pain scale and it was back to the ER. But these opiates after years of use start to dissolve heart tissue and wipe out the frontal lobes of the brain, which is where we determine what is right and wrong, where we meditate, pray, worship, etc. etc. I am 69 and that makes it tougher for me to get off than younger people; but I am determined to keep off this stuff as much as possible. Even after 11 days clean, I am craving a pill because my pain is through the roof. I wish that all docs who prescribe this crap would tell their patients to not take it more than a week at most. Then somehow live off of over the counter stuff. Have you tried that? Ibuprofen? Aspirin? I have to take that stuff daily and in the middle of the night to survive. Oh, how I want one or two pills right now. But all the comments in this section have encouraged me to keep trucking and keep my mind on other things. I just did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen (my wife will love me for that) but only to keep my mind off of the pain. Give it your best!

[MartiniGirl]

Im currently on my day four right now and if I would have had any vics left, I probably would have done the same thing. Just recognize it and learn from it. And like everyone else has said, if you have any left, please get rid of them as I dont think we are strong enough yet to control ourselves, especially when going through withdrawl symptoms. You got to 4 days and you can do it again and last longer. Hang in there girly! And dont beat yourself up for it, it might just cause you to take more. Stay strong!

[Mikeinthesouth]

Don't give up yet. You are not in to deep. Just don't give in to the thoughts in your head bout using. U no? Hang in there and keep on track and now for me to take my own advice and stop beating yourself up girlie.. It will all be okay. Love and prayers and pulling for ya Mike

[Sportsguy86]

Its powerful stuff.  It should scare you that just 4 days after you were dead set on quitting, you had a moment of weakness and went right back.  You should use this as motivation as you now know how scary this stuff is.

Unfortunately, these episodes 99% of the time result in a period back to opiate use.  And I'd be willing to bet alot of money that Kirsten has since had more than just 2 vics.

The truth is, Kirsten, that this will all come crashing down again--and you will hit rock bottom again--and there will come a point pretty soon that you know you will need to try to quit again.  It's how it always happens.  So, try to make it easier on yourself and just do it now--because the longer you wait, the harder it will get.

[dove3053]

Don't be so hard on yourself. For most it takes many tries before we get it right.

Dove

[puranx]

you gotta wanna quit guys. I pray you dont reach the bottom to understand it like i had to. But sometimes its the only way. Pick yourself back up, get on the horse and ride. Move on.

[2happykids]

I caved also..i was on day 22 yesterday and took a darn pill and i hated my self for it...it did nothing but make me mad.i had no feeling or anything ..you can get back on track.i woke up feeling good this morning i dont think it will set you back or make you go through wd bad again.we are all here for you..i know how bad i felt after that pill i will never do it again!

[toxictome]

You have not failed...use this as a learning tool.
Remember...you can start your day over at any time...you don't have to wait until tomorrow!!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the race.

Getting clean is the EASY part, STAYING clean is the hard part.

Do you have any plans for aftercare, such as NA/AAmtgs. or counseling? We need to learn new tools to use to help us live our life on lifes terms. A counselor can help us get to the core issues of WHY we use drugs to "feel better".

Life is great clean and sober..but we have to take the steps to get there...and we have to change many of our old habits.

GOOD LUCK...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[Rose703]

You just hit a bump in the road to recovery!!! Just pick yourself back up today and don't use!! You didn't set yourself back physically with using, but you did make a good mental mark and that is that you really don't want to use otherwise you wouldn't feel so bad about it.
If you need to talk, get on here or PM me!! Now shake it off girl and let's get this done!!

[HYDROSUPERMOM]

I think most of us slip at times.  I blew it this weekend and I was 2 days away from 6 weeks clean.  Just keep going.  It's really hard, but so worth it.  Get rid of what ever else you have left.  Good luck and keep posting.

[sweetmomma_7]

You didn't fail this is just a little set back and tomorrow is another day. If you have anymore you need to get rid of them. I had to make a complete change in my life in order to quit. I got rid of my cell phone and changed my number so no one could contact me ( my drug friends). We are here to help you through this. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Luv,

Jess

[cathy5841]

worried is right.  if you have more get rid of them now..  when you are in w/ds and have pills you are setting yourself up to fail..  you took 2.  dont take anymore and you can get back on trak.  if you take more you will have to start all over.  you can do this.  learn from this mistake, dont do it again.  come here and post before you cave
cathy

[kim715]

Recovery is a bumpy road ,you didn't fail you stumbled,now brush yourself off tomorrows another day.And I absolutely agree with worried if theres anymore laying around get rid of them.Its just too soon to have to deal with that temptation.Hang in there.I'll keep you in my prayers.Peace.

[paul300]

I agree with Joann. So you slipped. Try not to take anymore and start fresh tomorrow. Doesn't mean you failed!! You may have less w/d's tomorrow anyway. I slipped several times and I'm trying again. Day 7. Try and get some good sleep and keep yourself busy tomorrow. Will keep you my thoughts to stay strong.

Best wishes
david

[worried878]

No..it is a set back to your withdrawal but u wont start completely over..pick yourself up and get back on track...try and figure out what triggered u to use..probablly withdrawals but just remember you have to wait it out...we have been spoiled i think and long for instant gratification...what is your plan now?...if u have anymore...flush them if you plan to quit

[joann1975]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Addiction is a serious and powerful disease. Don't let this set you back tomorrow is a new day! Keep your chin up and don't beat yourself up too much for this....you don't want to trigger yourself to use more.
Good Luck & You can do it!