Slippery Slope ... relapse

[J_friend]

Hello my friends.  It was easy to post when I was staying off pills; however, I find it a bit more difficult to post now because I've relapsed.  Without going into details on HOW it happened, I'm currently taking Percocet, which is stronger than the Norco I was taking before.  I'm trying NOT to "go crazy" and take too much, telling myself I will just take "enough", and then slowly ween myself off.  However, the REASON I went back was simple:  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired - I basically didn't have the patience (or the faith) to get through the tough times of being clean.  I felt empty, dull, bored, depressed, and tired ... and I knew that the opiate rush could give me something to look forward to - something to hold onto.  I'm ashamed to admit it, but that's the truth.  

I'm sure all of you can relate to this in one way or another; and again, a big part of myself tells me that I should only post here when I'm on "the right track".  But, maybe I should just post as I am right now - a person who is currently using again.  To be honest, if I could just take two pills a day and function fine, I'd say there wouldn't be much of a difference between Percocet and Prozac.  However, as you all know, that's not the way these pills work.  The good feeling sets in, and the next thought is, "I want this rush to last" - hence, more pills are taken.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this; but for some reason, I think I needed to check in and be honest.  As always, any feedback would be appreciated.

[Rose703]

I've only been clean for 25 days from Oxy's and Percocets but I can already see that while going C/T was very very difficult staying clean is even harder. The mind plays so many tricks on us making us believe that for one reason or another we NEED the pills. Addiction is so much more than just stopping the drug itself and beating ourselves up when we relapse isn't the answer. I think the most important thing is to pick ourselves up, dust off, and continue to post and get the support we need. AA/NA meetings are a great idea for those who can get to and from the meetings. I'm a chronic pain patient and I'm not even suppose to drive so going to meetings aren't really an option for me. So I elected to involve my family in my recovery, including my two son's, and I use this forum for support and advice. I can honestly say that this forum has done wonders for me as this is a great group of people who CARE and are willing to open up and admit to things that we all need to hear. Another thing is I know I can come here and always get an honest answer even if it's something I don't want to hear.

[CalNative]

Man, I know what you're talking about. My friend got clean a year ago.  Meetings he says is what really helps.  I can't go to those.  Good luck;  good luck to all of us.

[AcetaminophenAbuser]

Try again tomorrow and don't beat yourself up about it. Enjoy the day,

[speciality]

I am not being mean, I WOULD HATE to see you go up and up (as I have done) and you are at a relatively low dose, it just gets worse. ACK! That being said I am not RIGHT, I am trying to save you some of the **** I am experiencing, as I kept tellingmyself "Oh, I will be ok", while counting pills, and waiting for refill day. I wish you well, this is FAR from easy.

[toxictome]

Do you have an aftercare plan?

Getting clean is the easy part..STAYING clean is the hard part.
Have you tried any AA/NA mtgs, or therapy..this forum is good for support..but we need to get to the  core root of our issues and why we use to "feel good"(therapy) and we need to learn tools to help us stay clean and live life on lifes terms(AA/NA mtgs.).

I quit drinking in 1990 and haven't had a drink since,but i have been going to AA mtgs. ever since...IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!!!!!

I've been clean off vics for almost 3 mos., NO relapses or slips... I still go to mtgs. weekly........

..just a suggestion..GOOD LUCK!!!

[dovt]

BTW, even just taking the 1-1 1/2 per day now I am constipated again, having vision problems again, cranky again and tired all the time.  If that isn't enough to want to get off!  I'm now amazed at how so little can affect you and the thought of taking volumes is scary to me now.  Something to think about.

[dovt]

I know how you feel.  I was taking percs for 4 years 8-10 day and did a very aggressive taper in January.  It was pure hell but I did it.  Then after going through all that the RLS just would not leave me.  It was so painful that one day I just said I can't take it anymore and took a bite off a pill.  It has been 2 months now and I'm taking anywhere from 1-1 1/2 pills per day.  I'm not getting a buzz.  I never took for that in the first place.  My problem was cronic pain.  Anyway, I would like to go off them for good but I tried everything for the RLS and don't want to deal with that again so I feel stuck.  I'm hoping since I'm only taking 1 per day that the RLS won't be so bad this time.   Has anyone tapered like that and been better with the RLS?

[J_friend]

Well, the analogy was figurative language; hence, you're correct - the cluttered garage won't kill me.  However, the dirt, dust, etc. could build to the point where the garage catches fire.  I KNOW this is such a slippery slope, and trust me, it was hard to write this post - I knew I'd be getting REAL feedback.  Furthermore, my mind is already "plotting" how I can get my doctor to prescribe me Roxicodone - the next step above Percocet ... so again, you are totally right.  Currently, I'm taking one and a half on my work days, and then I take MUCH more on the weekends.

[speciality]

will not kill you, nor will it delete your bank account ruin relationships and your health. You can close the door on the mess of your garage, closing the door on Percocet is not so easy. Are these pills being prescribed? Are you buying them? How many are you taking? Good Luck  

[newgirl2708]

I love your analogy..as for me...I'm just now...slowly...working on my 'garage'. It took a while to get it filled up. It will take a bit longer to figure out what to do with all of it.

[J_friend]

First off, I appreciate the comments,  and I fully agree with you people.  I know I’m doing the wrong thing and that I’m playing with fire.  I guess the only thing I can compare it to is my garage.  My garage has continued, over the years, to pile up with ALL kinds of stuff.  I need to clean it out, have a garage sale, and fix it up - I’d like to make it into a music studio.  However, I know it’s going to be WORK - I’ll have to move a bunch of stuff, clean out all the dirt, and deal with discarding old things I no longer need.  In essence, I need to “clean house”.  However, it just seems like SUCH a big job, I keep putting it off.  I’d rather go surfing and “enjoy” today, so I put it off.  Unfortunately, the garage continues to get cluttered.  The same goes with ME.  I guess I just want to feel good and avoid the work of cleaning myself up.  

I KNOW I need to do this “inner cleaning” to truly live, and yet ... I’m just a wimp.  Funny, on the outside, I appear to be big, strong, etc.  I have a good job, live on the beach ... all that good stuff.  Yet, on the inside, things (just like my garage) keep piling up.  

I really do appreciate the fact that you people care enough to respond ... thank you.

[speciality]

never used/abused drugs. Was on all kinds of meds for pain such as Fentanyl, (made me loopy so I just didnt put any more on after about 6 months,) MS Contin, OXycontin. Stopped all of those no problem. Then they gave me Percocet fopr BT pain. I Started running out of my scripts earlier and earlier. Long story short, right now I ma tapering slowly. I am taking them AS prescribed and planning on tapering mo0re. I have reduced from 15-18 pills a day to 8 pills per day for the last 2 weeks. Even thatis difficult. Some days I have used my allotment by 6pm.. They are not giving me any "buzz' but I am not getting sick. My point being they are sooo addictive. Good luck!

[Dieing2Live]

you need to get as far as possible from the percocet. oxycontin was my DOC and it is hell to get away from. you should post even when you are not clean for words of advice, maybee one of those words wil spark the desire to get clean.

[speciality]

The Percocet are Oxycontin, and they are cloyingly addictive. I GUARANTEE your "nned" for more will go up, even much quicker than when on the Norco. One is too many, and there will never be enough. You are playing with fire.

[SFgirll853]

I get you 100%.  I have relapsed twice in a 6 week period!   I am using now but woke up with a strength and powerful feeling today and decided to post.  Maybe you are feeling it to?  Maybe you are here because you are ready to make a change again?  I am.

[newgirl2708]

been there done that. seems hopeless doesn't it? however, you've been on both sides, make your decission wisely. when i read your post, you are already answering yourself. go back and re-read it. you know what's the right thing to do.
good luck
ng

[worried878]

I "slipped" as well...but thank goodness the pills made me feel bad...and i saw that my tolerence was still just as high as ever...I felt bad about myself and got back on track...i took them for a procedure but was abusing them in a matter of a coule of days...i did not want to wd again and take off work so i quit after 4 days...i guess we do what we have to do...what is your feelings on it...do u want to continue or do u want to get clean again?