Spouse is abusing hydrocodone. Any advice?

[CasualObserver]

I am new to this forum and found this site while looking for support.  My husband is getting prescriptions of 60-90 #10 hydrocodone a month.  His typical pattern is to take large amounts (6-8 pills at a time) during a 7-10 day period.  He will then wait until he gets his prescription refilled.  He is experiencing constipation, hemmorhoids, diarrhea, drinks water excessively, and his moods fluctuate wildly.  I recognize I cannot make him stop, but I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself and the kids during this.  I can't stand the deception and the lies.  He fills his lortab prescription at a different pharmacy and hides the bottle or removes the label off the bottle entirely.  He has started vomiting 2-3 times a week as well.  I would appreciate any and all help anyone could provide.  Thanks.

[dominosarah]

We arent trying to be unsupportive here at all.  We are telling you what we do as addicts to our families.  We now understand the pain and suffering we caused during our active addiction.  Everyone of you is affected by your husbands actions right now.  We want you all to get better, including your husband.         sara

[livngr8ful]

Hey,  I thought we lost ya...  I hope you didn't think anyone of us is against you or trying to tell you haw to be a wife or an addict's wife.  As you get into this more you will start see a pattern that is followed by all addicts.  It's sad but you could write a how to manual on this and it would be almost point to point they way each addict acts.  we all do the same things, we all live it.  It's not to tell you how to be or decisions to make.  Its to give you information on how we work.  We are a very predictable lot, to say the least.  How the people on the other side of the fence act is unpredictable.  That's where the information you get form us can be used.  We are trying to give you a deeper incite into us, and as time goes on you will see it as truth.  What you do is yours, and right for only you.  every addict and addiction is different, but addicts are not really that different. That's why the info you have got is so useful. We arent hiding stuff from you.  You have a bunch of truths about addiction right here. You wont get that from an addict thats still in the process of addiction.  And yes, we are experts on spouses as we all manipulate our spouses in the same way. That's how we continues using and you keep giving into what you know in your heart as wrong.  It's a game and we are very good at winning...  Remember we are magicians and master illusionists. With all the caring in the world...

[CasualObserver]

Thank you for your words of empathy.  That is what I was hoping to find.  I am struggling enough without being criticized for a username that I use in a wide variety of formats.  Additionally, obviously I am not okay with this behavior or I would not be in counseling and reaching out towards others for support.  I would also cautiously suggest that being an addict does not make one an expert on being an addict's spouse.  Choices that many have oversimplified on this forum are life changing for many and cannot be made without careful thought and consideration.  Thanks for those of you who cared enough to respond.

[FassFeat]

Whoa, I thought that post was about me a month or so ago. That is eerie. Very good description.. Great post

[dominosarah]

Excellent post......Thank you

[Jaybay]

I couldn't agree more with your assessment, having lived it all with my husband and then some.  Even when an addict admits to being addict, and seeks professional help, he still thinks he can game the system and win.  

CasualObserver, your screen name speaks volumes.  It describes your life with your addict husband.  You are standing in the middle of a disaster for him, yourself and your children.  I'm glad you're seeing a counselor, but if it's not someone with addiction experience I strongly urge you to find one who IS, or try out Naranon or Alanon.  

A functioning addict is still an addict.  There WILL come a day when he can't function.  There WILL come a day when his employer notices his dropped productivity and personality changes and get rid of him.  It's up to you to decide exactly what your boundaries are.  

So far, you're OK with your husband's active addiction because he can work; you're OK with it because he doesn't break the family budget; you're OK with his using because he hasn't physically hurt you or the kids.  Well guess what?  The kids KNOW something is badly wrong.  They see their father's personality changes just like you do.  They see him throwing up his toenails, and at their age they probably know more about what he's taking and where he stashes it than you do.  Do you want to take the chance that they'll satisfy peer pressure and their own curiousity and start experimenting with Daddy's drugs?  It happens every day.  Don't think it can't happen to your family.

It's not your job to play DEA cop or addiction therapist.  YOU can't cure your husband.  What you CAN do is take measures to protect yourself and your children.  If he wants to keep using, tell him that HE has to leave the home and the family that HE put into jeopardy.  Let him rant and rave, and he will rant and rave.  It'll all be your fault.  Or the kids' fault.  Or the boss's fault.  Anyone but him.  It's not easy to grow a thick skin, and it's not a pretty sight to watch an addict get nailed to the wall for his own behavior and try to fight back.  Either he gets professional help, or he gets out.  Leave no wiggle room.  Have his bags packed and a list of rehab facilities for him to contact.  He can either pick up the phone, or pick up his bags.  HIS choice.