Stopping after only a month

[Humbl]

I was released from prison on may 26th after 5&1/2 years. Prior to getting locked up I was using benzos and opiates for a couple years and my hazy brain caused me to end up in jail. I got a job my last 4 months in work release and am now a manager at the company. My head was clearer than it's ever been in my adult life through sobriety, reading, physical exercise, and deep self analysis. I work 55-65 hours a week and am free. About a week or so after release I got some opiates without even thinking. A handful of co workers use pills. In the past month I've done an assortment os pills. (roxy,suboxone,percocet) I have to stop. I'm on probation and get urine tests. I may get one in 7 days. I did 2 perc 10s and half a roxy early yesterday. I decided I would stop after that. I don't feel super horrible but as I got rl

[Humbl]

I took a tylenol3 earlier this afternoon. I have one more for tomorrow and I'm done. I guess I'm just reaching out for support as I roll through this. It boggles my mind how I could've conceivably taken anything after what I've gone through. I come from a super solid upbringing and went to college but didn't finish. I'm very intelligent and know this is not how I want to begin my new life. Be good.

[basilwancer]

Hey there, as you know, I'm not addicted, but I know very well the havoc it causes.  It seems to overpower everything and it seems the only thing more powerful is your will power which will require support (most-likely).  I'm here to encourage you to connect with someone who has made it, it amazes me the generosity of people, believe me you will cry when you receive their support.  My main objective on this group is to promote and foster communication with those beyond the world of addiction (your family and friends) as it seems you will need this structure to keep you clean.  I am not kidding myself to think that once clean you are out of the woods.  

Here is something to consider - getting clean is step one.  Now hopefully this doesn't make your plight seem longer, but rather, make your immediate goal seem closer in the big picture.  

I will say for now that your will power is amazing, it is so much stronger than the substance.  I would like to encourage your in your recovery stages so please get a friend or few who can guide you out and make it to recovery.

Go for it friend!

[ViolaBow]

Congratulations on your release and for getting your life back on track! I can only imagine how hard that must be after 5½ years! Blimey. Do you have some kind of support around you like NA or something like that? I don't see how you could possibly function with all the pressures of the 'real world' after so long without strong support around you. You need to make sobriety your NUMBER ONE priority otherwise you are going to wind up back where you started before you know it. You know you can do it. Don't delay. That is the addiction talking. I am sure you know that. It makes us procrastinate forever until we never end up doing it.

I really wish you all the best. Its a pity ppl at your work use cos the temptation is always around you. I'd be inclined to suggest you try to find work in a different environment. Either way it ain't easy. I am an alcoholic and it doesnt seem to matter how long I have been sober, I still get cravings and want to binge. It is terribly difficult.

All the best to you. Please please don't lose the precious gift of freedom you have worked so hard to achieve. You will never forgive yourself.

V xx

[basilwancer]

I concur, do not delay!

[Humbl]

I agree. I have really strong family support and a few good friends that don't use. You are right though. I've been looking for a different job but nothing suitable has come through yet. It will. I forged ahead through stacked odds to get the job and position i have now so I know I'm highly capable. I'll fight past this misstep

[atthebeach]

i pray for you that this independence day is the day you will take hold of and claim  the freedom from the bondage and addiction that you need and deserve in your life. you have been bound to long my friend with those chains. addiction is madness, insanity, it is a monster , a demon and will lie to you to keep you in that prison in your mind. go for counseling,get to the bottom of your hurts,scars,wound,emotional pain, you have pushed them so far down into your soul and need to release them so you can be healed.  
look for an addiction specialist,psychologist,social worker,na/aa,church, a pastor,get all the help and support you can find. ask the LORD to help you, HE will
i am praying for you
debbie

[tgtiffany]

Hey!  Glad to hear that you are wanting to stop taking them again!!!  You can do this :)  When you feel down just come here and post and someone will be here to help you.  You already know that the life of addiction will get you no where.  Keep your head up and you'll be okay :)

[overopiates]

1st congrats on getting out.I know Its a really tough adjustment for u.My brother did8years(basically most of his20's)now after8years out he is doing AMAZING has his own business&has his dream home,cars,motorcycles etc BUT works WAY TOO MUCH(7days a week up2-18hours very physical work)He had the bussiness within1year&bought his home w/in3 when the market was still good he got n WAY OVER HIS HEAD FINANCIALLY.Im telling u this part for2reasons1st u can LITERALLY have all u want if your willing2bust your butt also though dont get overzealous n over your head getting all the things u want but barely have time to enjoy them cause u have to work24/7 to keep them.Like were addicts of pills hes addicted to exercise&work addiction is addiction.I was on probation misdameaner years ago&did u/a every month I was  so dumb did pills all the time but was LUCKY never came up dirty.Just stop I did45days ago.Sucked but I feel better than I have n MANY MANY years.You want to enjoy your freedom clear headed.Whats the difference between being n prison losing over5years&staying high not having any quality of life outside?ur a prisoner to drugs.I believe  it takes a heck of a lot more will power to do a long stint n prison than getting off pills especially since u came out ur working getting ur life back n order&quick.You CAN DO THIS AND WILL.I would definitely look into aftercare of some kind.Good luck

[dominosarah]

Get into some type of recovery care.  It is vital to our success in recovery.  You know where you want to go with your life so put a plan in place and start moving forward.  Those pills will only send you back into he!!....Keep posting.         sara

[Humbl]

Thanks everyone who posted. I didn't get much sleep last night. Feeling the symptoms though NPR as bad as before when I did them way longer and harder. I'm calling out of work today. It was my short day anyway. I'm going to tell the people at work tomorrow who take pills not to offer them anymore. I'm doing this. I'll keep posting.

[vicki595]

Did you take that last Tylenol#3?  Be sure there's nothing else around you or in the house!
This s serious business!  You simply cannot take pills anymore. It's over!

Right now, it looks like all those years had no impact on you!  Don't let it be that way!

Keep posting! And good luck!!

[buprenex]

If what you say is true, a few pills over a few days and a drug test in maybe a week!!

Stop, and you had better pass your test. Quit your job, do NOT hang around anyone you use to know related to your addiction and use. Go to ninety meeting in a row.

Do not pray you will pass, there is no Diety that will save you, it is if you pass luck.with a good decision to stop! Perhaps you should come clean with Parole before you test and do what they tell you even if it includes jail time. Your not ready to quit and a few months maybe better than losing your life one way or the other!!

Your going back if you do not get lucky.
Sincerely Buprenex

[Humbl]

I'm not taking anything but vitamins now and I don't feel too bad after the nap I just took. I actually did take a dayquil and it helped. I'm xeroxing my system. I feel confident that I will pass any test. I will try to get to a meeting

[IBKleen]

Put as much effort into getting some aftercare as you did to "cleanse" your system to pass the drug test. You'll be ahead of the game.

Good luck.

[Humbl]

I live with my parents and while i have a car I can't get my license until I take aclass which starts in august. It's difficult to get to work as it is but I may have to wait until I'm licensed to get to meetings. I think this forum is a good place to start

[vicki595]

The forum is good but it's not enough for you or for anyone who is serious about getting clean.

I'm sure not having a license wouldn't stop you from getting pills back in the day...don't let it stop you from getting to a meeting!  You need to do something and fast!!

[addict3]

A phone call would probably get you a ride.......

[buprenex]

Your welcome. Glad you read before it was censured. That should show the comments on this forum are not both sides, therefore worthless for the most. Get serious!!!!!!
Buprenex kind regards

[Humbl]

I'm dead serious at this point. What I'm going through now is a walk in the park compared to the last 8 years so I'm standing up strong and getting back to running and good nutrition. Thanks

[tgtiffany]

Just remember as Gnarly always says, it's 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental.  Be ready for that when it comes later as it will catch you when you least expect it! Keep your head up ;)

[Humbl]

I did 25 minutes on an elliptical machine today, ate well, feel great, and will be back to work tomorrow for 11 1/2 hours. Working out is what I was missing among other things. Obviously I have issues and I intend on excavating them. Love!

[atthebeach]

Great job. Keep moving it is so important to get the endrophins producing again.keep pushing yourself. Eat lots of fruits and veggies. Continuing to work is a good thing it will keep you busy and keep your mind occupied.
Keep up the good work.
Debbie

[Humbl]

Thank you folks. All the kindness and support is helping. I must remain focused and true to my intentions. I actually feel more clear headed right now than I have in a month. I'll keep posting. Thanks.

[buprenex]

Humbl
In response to your private e-mail regarding your idea it is a matter of strength it is not about that, though you will need some! See Below!

It is never a question of being strong, you have a brain disease and you need treatment and the best you can do is arrest the active addiction part, which will stop you from going to jail or ending up dead.

You need treatment so seek it out!