Struggling. Need support.

[silly289]

I have been addicted to  about 50mg hydrocodone for five years. The amount wasn't that high the whole time as it built. Added about 10mg or so a yr. I decided to give it a real try and stop. This journey started 19 days ago. Day one cut down to 20mg. Day 2  7.5mg. Day 3 nothing Day 4 10mg. Day 5-17 nothing. On day 18 of the journey (after 12 days clean) I could not handle the severe depression and anger and took 10 mg. That was yesterday and today so far I have also taken 10 mg. So I do not know what to do. I am scared. Even with the 10mg I still can not stop crying. The anger has gone away. I don't want to live like this. I want to be normal. The depression and anger is worse than the physical wd I suffered which were horrible. Any advice?

[littlebit667]

I posted when I was having similar problems.  This response helped me so much to at least understand what was going on with my poor drug abused brain!  Hope it helps you.

You have to remember how opiates work, and why you feel depressed etc. when you quit taking them and after you are over the withdrawals and often why we keep craving long after the physical withdrawals are over.

Opiates bound to the opioid receptors in your brain and body. They release their artificial endorphins to them, and block the bodies natural endorphins. After a while the neurons that produce the body's natural endorphins disappear. There is no need for them so they just don't rejuvenate like they would normally.

When you stop taking the opiates,  they leave your opioid receptors bare, and they are calling out for your body's natural endorphins, but there isn't any there at first. You body has to repopulate the neurons that make them, and this takes time.

Endorphins like dopamine  control your moods, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, pain etc.

You will slowly get your "old self" back as these neurons repopulate and begin increasing their endorphins production. After being off the opiates for a month, they should be about 45-50% of normal, and be back to normal within a year.
So hang in there, you will feel better and better as the months roll by.

Try keep busy and keep your mind focused on positive things instead of dwelling on the depression, anxiety, etc. that are only temporary and will disappear as your endorphins return to normal.

[Fireby29]

I too have had a long love affair with the hydro.  You have been given some great advice, but I want to emphasize one last thing:

Get rid of your supply!  You will get weak and it is key to not have that 10mgs around to take, or else you will take it.  You can do it!  It takes time to heal yourself, remember that.

Bryan

[silly289]

This is to all of you.
Thank you all for responding. It means alot. I am gonna try again tomorrow. One day at a time right? I really want to be drug free. Before all of this I never did any drugs and didn't realize how addictive this medicine was that they gave in the hospital for a csection was. Then sent me home with it. I had no idea. Why don't doctors warn there patients? I think it is horrible. I have to do this. I can't believe how hard it is. I have made more progress than I have with ever other attempt. I really don't want to go backwards. I don't think I could go through those days again. I just have to start over again tomorrow. I didn't take anymore than the above mentioned 10mg and I dont plan on taking anymore.

Thanks again everyone.

[LostNoMore]

Depression, anger, anxiety, fatigue, restlessness, insomnia....yup, all of it is part of the opiate detox process. There's no way around it. All of us go through it, some worse than others. At 4 months, what I have left is anxiety and occasional insomnia. Opiates hijack the receptors (neurons) that control
endorphins, which control our mood. Our bodies stop producing endorphins.
It takes time to get that cycle back on track. I have found that patience and
prayer are my best friends right now. When I feel the anxiety coming, I take a moment to relax, pray and remind myself that my body was damaged and it's still healing. I know it's painful, but there are things we can do to get through it. Aftercare is one. Taking aminos to help our bodies recover is another.
If you keep taking pills, you're delaying the healing process. Once you stop, that process will begin. Take care and keep posting.

[kyle505]

Depression is a normal, expected part of detox, but if you find that your's is really bad you may want to contact a professional. Just a thought. 12 days clean is the point where, in general, our bodies are beginning to function "normally", and this helps us deal with the mental withdrawal. But, the mental part does continue long after we start feeling better physically and it can be very tricky - our heads never stop talking to us. You have to get through this - aftercare, a loved one to talk with, this forum - all will help, but ultimately it is up to you. It can be done, and life is wonderful without meds, that's a promise. Keep posting.

[akitagurl12]

i am sorry u are having a hard time, but yes, it is totally normal.  I quit vicodin too, just a little over a month ago.  The depression and NO energy was the worst for me during the 2nd week.  But after that something started happening and it slowly started to fade away.  Its good to cry, it helps to release alot of emotions that may have been stuffed deep inside because of the pills.  I personally would just stop taking any vicodin at this point and let yourself ride through this.  It would really help getting rid of any remaining pills you have and cutting off your ability to get more.  You don't need to be afraid, you are doing a great thing for your mind and body.  Keep posting, it will help u and others going thru this too.