Struggling

[Dane74]

Im struggling today with pain, legit pain, and i will NOT use!!!  I need to be strong to fight this with just OTC's, thanks to "tramahater", who gave me some strength to just suck it up and know its not an option.  The depression,  relapse, pain, family problems, the list is endless is so overwhelming, but with the help of y'all (don't laugh vicki)  i am taking it day by day and at times hour by hour.  Thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement, i appreciate each an everyone of you.  I am trying to keep the faith and stay strong as everyday is a struggle, i can only hope that with time this will get better, i am trying to stay hopeful......

[vicki595]

Are you sure those are your worst symptoms?   What about constant craving?

[Dane74]

I wish i knew what's wrong with me!!!!  I rather come to your house...LOL, but i am afraid you will pin me down on your sofa until you knock some sense into me... I am just trying to use all the resources  that are offered.  Smart recovery i thought was an online thing?  As for what Debbie suggested, it's only offered at night, and i can't do nights as you know.  Its been 17 days, i do not have any WD's.  Worst symptom, depression, anxiety, and pain.  ThanksXOX

[vicki595]

Did you mean it's detrimental to your recovery if you don't go to NA? Maybe.  But, if you feel worse when you leave...that's wrong for you. Look into other things like what Debbie suggested OR "Smart Recovery"...Or you can come out to my house and I'll rehab your butt!!  (Once we stop laughing!!)

I'm here for you...along with the others and you'll get there. How many days has it been? What is your worst symptom?

[atthebeach]

please give it a try.

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/?page_id=63

[Dane74]

There are always options, but the options i have are grim.  So yes SUCK it up, that's my plan anyway.  One day at a time, i went to NA today and that was OK, i leave there worse i think.  I will continue to go as i feel is it detrimental to my recovery.  I am going to fight with all my might......

[vicki595]

Dana- I may have to stand on a stool to do it (LOL) but I'm going to slap you silly as soon as I get there!!

Suck it up or take the pills??  Is that what you THINK?  Good grief! There's a middle road...and options...

So,yeah,look at my clean time. Big Effing Deal!!  You know why it's there?
To drive you crazy....JUST KIDDING!!  It's there because I don't have those pain issue triggers for ONE thing. There are other reasons as well...but,I've said it a thousand times before: If I am in pain,I will not suffer. I can't. I'm a baby and have a low pain threshold and pain makes me CRAZY!!  But,that's just me...

Don't think your little East Coast sarcasm got past me either...but that's more like it!!    You're okay...it's all one big pain in the *** but you'll get there!!   I have faith...xo

[Dane74]

I hate to argue/differ with the Ms Vicki here, but YES, i am damed if i do and damed if i don't!  YES, you and Tram did VERY well, and look at your clean time and look at mine!  YES, i am in physical pain, and people who do "LOVE" them become addicts, unfortunately allot of people with chronic pain are either dependent or addicts, but in the end, its a loss for those who have chronic pain because your options are suck it up or  take the pills, and when i fell weak i took the pills and look at me now, the GUILT is destroying me.  I don't want to be this little weak whiner and complainer, i want to be the strong person i once was......

@Jade,  yes, i have been on Neurontin, not Lyrica, as both are  usually treated for nerve pain, as i do have as well.  I was on the highest dose of Neurontin and the only side effect i had was vision issues, but it did help a bit with my nerve damage i have, but now i am having the bone pain that makes the never pain a breeze.  I have had nerve blocks and  fluoroscopic injections as well, since i see a pain management who is an Anesthesiologist, i am able to go the all  non-opiate route and since it does at times helps a bit, its does not make much of a difference. So hence here i am in such a dilemma......Jade, thank for the suggestions:)

[Jade59]

Hi Dana.  Honey, I've been following your struggle.  Has your Dr ever suggested either Neurontin or Lyrica?  Both treat nerve pain with Lyrica being a newer drug.  I tried Neurontin last year with the hope to eventually get off at least One of my meds and it worked Wonders!  It is not an opiate, but a whole different class of drug.  Sadly, I wasn't able to tolerate the side effects but maybe would be a good drug for you?  

[vicki595]

NO!  You are NOT scewed! Don't you dare paint yourself into that corner!

There's a middle ground Dana and we're trying to help you find it. We know what you're talking about. You,Tram and I, have all had our struggles and have done very well...As she said: We all have our breaking point and point where we just cannot stand the physical pain any longer. I'm asking you: Are you in physical pain?  It's not a black or white issue here Honey Bunny!    Listen to me: MOST PEOPLE LOVE THEM and they are all not addicts. No more guilt here...

((♥)))

[Dane74]

Thanks for sharing, and yes you are 100% correct going back on the pills for the 2 week period w/o abusing was a mental war with myself, and i did not get any WD's from that 2 week relapse, probably because i only took 2 a day. As we know as addicts, the physical is nothing like the mental part of it at all.  I am still struggling with that now that i caved in and did what i did, but i am trying to move past that now.  I am not able to live with the choice other than staying OFF, because then i will  just succumb myself to be an even weaker person that i already am.  I do not have a sponsor, i will be going to NA tomorrow, talking to the dr.  does not help as all they will do for me is give me pills, and for the therapist that takes place thursday.

Thank you all for your comments/suggestion

@littlebit, yes i am a chronic pain suffer since a child, and have handled with and without and your right, its a tough decision to make, and both just stink.  i can opt to live in pain and as a result have my quality of life suffer, or i can opt to take the meds, that i just LOVE ,and live on drugs and then 2 a day turns into ABUSE!!! So know matter what i decide i am screwed:(  I lose either way, and not happy with either of my options.  So to answer your question "what does one do to have quality of life? " EXACTLY???  

[littlebit667]

You make a good statement.  Living with true chronic pain is not a walk in the park.  I have done it with the pills and without.  Both have their own set of problems and perks (so to speak).  It is very true, you MUST do what will make your quality of life work for you.  It is just a hard walk to say on the right side of addiction (if there is such a thing).  I have read on this board that even those that stick closely to the prescription use boundaries...become dependent to them.  Wow, what does one do to have quality of life?  

I agree with the others...keeping everyone in the loop will hopefully make the difference.  Us, Dr, therapist, sponsor.  

What breaks my heart are those that never realize they are hooked..they keep taking the drugs..hoping they can go to work, do laundry, pick up their kids...love their spouses....wow.

[LeaAnn807]

Dana, whatever is going on, we will be here with ya.  May not have any good or right answers, but we're here.  Only YOU know how much you can take.  Having said that, I think that last time you took pills it did more to you mentally than physically.  You beat yourself up for a long time over that.  The thing is.......it's always an "option" to take pills or to suffer!  You just have to be able to live with which one you choose.  We all have a different breaking point.  Just because I have been able to get thru some things without pain meds doesn't mean that I'm tougher than anyone else.  I just chose to try to get thru it.  It took a lot of support too!  I don't advocate suffering to the point that you're miserable either.  We just all have a different breaking point.  

Here's what I would do.  Talk to your sponsor.  Talk to your doctor.  Talk to your therapist.  Talk to us.  But.......just keep on talking and getting support.  You know......I'm very proud of how far you've come!! : )  I'm saying a prayer for you!

[Dane74]

Thanks for all the suggestions:-)  And absolutely i see a shrink!  

[Free_ovitall]

Try taking an amino acid supplement called DPLA, (up to 2000mgs 3x per day -start lower like 1000mgs 3x daily) It helps restore your pain receptors back to their normal function, alleviating "withdrawal pain"  plus it helps with pain overall, even when your aren't going through withdrawal.

A  visit to a good physiotherapist helps too, followed by a good soak in the hotub, or a hot bath.

[Dane74]

@innerstrength and littlebit, thanks, hope is what im hanging on too, and yes, help from one addict to another is amazing, only us addicts can 'REALLY" understand the level of difficulty of getting clean and more importantly STAYING clean....

Vicki,  I get that you answer to yourself and i do too, and i cant deal with the consequences of failure, and i would not be able to lay my head down to sleep. And i know you know it, loud and clear.  Thank you for your honesty, and all the people on here that know you Vicki, know you do not beat around the bush, i know you very well, and i so appreciate ALL that you do...XO

[vicki595]

Okay Dana. I know how hard this is or at least I hear you...I can't tell you what to do but I CAN tell you what I would do:

I would not suffer. I just can't do that. I was addicted for a very,very long time so I get the dangers. But, to me, the advantage outweighs the disadvantage sometimes. This would be one of those "sometime" things for me. I would take the pain meds to get out of an acute situation and you know I would.  Then I would deal with the fall out.  For me,personally,I only have myself to answer to,first and foremost. I have to be able to sleep at night. I have to be able to get on this forum and be exactly who I say I am. I have to live with my choices because,in this situation,I'm the only one it truly matters to.  So, I would not be in pain. I would take the medicine knowing full well that I needed it and was not abusing it. If you can see that distinction and if it truly exsists then you have your answer.  It does not mean you have failed, in my opinion.  Call your sponsor and get that opinion. Email your therapist.  I just can't tell you to clench your teeth and suffer through this because I know your pain is real and I know that you will not move forward until you get past this.  You know that I know it...I don't believe anyone should be tortured because they have a chronic pain condition...I think you need to treat this now and THEN get yourself hooked up with pain management.  

[Dane74]

I know it's real, but i cant be a wimp about it either.  It seems to me i am always self defeating myself, i am damed if i do,  damed if i dont.  OHH Vicki,i dont have a freakin clue as to what i think, what i know is i am miserable.

Tram?

[vicki595]

Well...if you went back to speaking properly it may be different!!  LOL!!

Oh Dana...what's making this SO hard for you is that pain!  You know my thoughts and Trama does as well.  This is real,physical pain. It needs to be treated. I know others may not share my opinion but that's fine with me. I think that trying to white knuckle it through pain is self defeating. It increases anxiety,depression,B/P,BMR,anger,fear...and I think there's a better way. What do you think?

[littlebit667]

I hope you can get thru this.  Inner is right hope is all we have.  I hope you can stay clean and I hope I can.  Get better hon, I am sorry the pain and family stuff is getting you down.  I know you can do this, but it is one hour, one day at a time!

[Innerstrength67]

Dane, there is always hope when we stay clean. There is incredible power and love when one addict helps another.
We are here for you...
You will feel better.

[Dane74]

Thanks guys:)  Sara, if you can check you PM im curious to your thoughts on what i said.  Thanks

[dominosarah]

I hope you start to feel better soon.

[ricart70]

Hi Dane,Sorry you are in such pain.Hang in there.I am at 30 days today and like you it is not an option to use unless I want my whole life to come crashing down on me again.I just about took it over the edge this last time.If my life does come crashing down I think I would rather be clean and it will be easier to deal with.It will soon be tomorrow.You are doing the right thing!