THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT RESPONDED

[chaddavis333]

A little background: Like most people I got hooked on the opiates after being hurt. Around 4 years ago I got up to a 15 pill tramadol habit a day. I quit cold turkey and found this forum, I have been a member ever since. I went some time without taking anything, only relapsing here and there. Anyway, this time I have been using since around Christmas. It was all vicodins with a little oxy here and there. About 10 days to 14 days ago, I stumbled upon some trams and did those by themselves getting up to last 2 or 3 days about 10 each day. I can't believe I did that, after the hell I went through the first withdrawal. I knew I was running out of trams so I switched over to vics about 2 days ago, hoping that they would help with any tram withdrawal. That's why I freaked out!! They didn't, I got anxiety out of nowhere last night, I know from the trams. I was shaking so bad that I could not type or sound coherent. That was my question. I didn't know if I would still wd from trams even though it was a short time and I had another opiate taking its place. A few people answered, and thank you for doing so. I would love to hear more thoughts. This board has helped in the past, so when I didn't get the answers as fast as I wanted to last night, I freaked out. For that, I am sorry. Also, I stereotyped a typical addict. That I am sorry for as well. Everyone keeps telling me and they have even years ago, to get aftercare. Where at? What do you do?? I am a Christian and went to Celebrate recovery, but really didn't do much for me. It could have been me, but I still didn't get anything.  I got 8 vics left, and I am tapering off those. After that, I am done, no more wasting my money on this crap... No more lying.. I am done. I will find another way to get energy. Thanks for all who responded. I appreciate it.

[dominosarah]

Hi Chad, i was hoping you would come back.  When you are truly ready to give up the pills many avenues open up for us.  You said you went to Celebrate recovery but it didnt do much for you and i believe that as you werent ready yet to stop this insanity.  You sound determined now and that will make a huge difference.  I so want you to succeed and you know i have always been in your corner.  Let's come up with a plan and get you really living, you deserve it so much~

[EvolverU]

Hi,

No reason to apologize. Naturally, we remember what it's like during acute withdrawal. You're on a real emotional roller-coaster right now.

The good folks above said it all re: aftercare!! No two ways about it. We have to put structures into place (as many as possible) to give us a fighting chance of staying clean. To believe that you can somehow walk the same path -- do the exact same thing each time & somehow have a different result is 'magical thinking' as is the classic trap for addicts. If Celebrate Recovery didn't work, keep reaching out & researching recovery groups, therapeutic modalities, counseling, churches, etc. As a Christian, I carry what I feel is the core of Christ's message within me & try (& sometimes fail) to incorporate it into my life. So, for me, it's not important to attend 'Christian' forms of after-care & support groups though I do attend church on occasion. There's a lot to be said for a non-judgmental & loving spiritual community. I find that reading about spirituality & practicing 'centering'/contemplative prayer/meditation helps greatly. Whatever works for you, though, is what you should go with!

True addiction is inner, as you know. If it were simply a question of going through w/d's then no one would relapse. :)

[ROSYouralright]

Ibk gave you some great advice.. I meet with a group of women from church who are all in recovery. I assume its comparable to celebrate recovery?! I also started counseling a couple of weeks ago. My therapist is in recovery and nothing I say shocks her so it helps immensely. What works for me may not work for you but we all need SOMETHING.. Support & aftercare is huge.. I just can't be left to my own devices and I learn things to help me through the weak moments & dark days.. Recovery just isn't a journey meant to be walked alone..

[IBKleen]

I am sorry to hear of your relapse but glad to hear you are going to end the cycle of active addiction. We suggest aftercare because it works. Any thing you choose is a good thing. Counseling is a great choice. A Church group is a great choice or NA meetings. Here is the link to find a meeting near you:

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

When we put the pills down it doesn't mean we are "cured". this is no cure for the disease of addiction. But we have the choice to live in active addiction or in recovery. You will be an addict for the rest of your days but you don't have to use.

I am glad you came back and posted and asked for help. It is a big step. Stick around..there is good support here.