Why do i do this to myself

[hatemylife83]

clean for 5 years and throw it all away. been back on oxy and heroin for about 6 months....been now 36 hours without anything and of course im sick and im at work and im freaking out. i cant do this. i just feel like utter ****.

[hatemylife83]

thanks guys...well that night was awful. im now starting day 5 of nothing and of course i cant sleep and feel awful but im happy to be done with this. i want to take my life back. i was in a program of recovery and am going back this week. i contacted old aa friends and am looking forward to living life once again

[gnarly_1]

HI well 5 yrs is a great run...I have done it myself but the truth is it was that relapse that brought me to the rooms of N/A instead of useing will power to curb the cravings I now have a program for recovery the 12 steps work if you work them I also have literally over 100 people that are in one form or another addicts to talk with my best friend in the program went from being a hope to dye dope fiend into a assume guy with 26yr clean this relapse could save your life get to a meeting just google one in your area good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[odaat1]

I was sober for over 5 years, and relapsed back to the bottle due to abusing opiates.  They brought me back to my DOC.  I remmeber what it felt like having that time under my belt, BUT, I realized the old me used, and the old me will use again.  Nothing changes if nothing changes, I had to get down to the root causes that brought on a relapse.  Aftercare is so important because, after you put the plug in the jug, or the drugs down on the table, you are still left with life on life's terms.  
It's not easy, but it is simple...keep pushing through....

[whatalife777]

Almost my same story just different pills. Exact time frames its weird lol. But anyways I am on day 7 atm. the first few days were alittle rough but I have felt rougher. I also had to go to work which seemed like the days dragged.The past two days have been improving allot. I feel good for the most part just a tiny bit tired. totally bearable tho.
Anyways you can do this. its only been six months if you plan on quiting dont let yourself cave. you can do this good luck

[BanMethadone]

I'm just checking in on you and wanted to tell you that you don't need to hate yourself. Just look at all of the same people who are in the same trap you're in. That's an awful lot of people, for it to be some defect of character that we need to hate ourselves before. It is within your power to seek out the methods of treatment for your addiction and yes, you do have to act in ways that will ensure your success, but please don't hate yourself because it is just one of many things that will lead you back to using.

I hope you're doing ok today. I am thinking of you and pulling for you.

[ROSYouralright]

What were you doing in terms of aftercare?? What will you do differently this time??

[Amandag78]

Well done on 36 hours clean, keep going : )

[Yesidid]

You may hate your life right now but remember that now is only temporary. It's a drop in the bucket in the whole picture of what your life is or can be. I remember a year ago sitting in my back yard (in a chair I'm looking at now) in the worst withdrawals ever and unemployed because of my drug use. I was sitting with my wife, crying, apologizing for ruining our lives. I told her that there was no hope, that I would never get better, and that we needed to plan for life after I was gone. She told me that things would get better and that my mind was messed up because of withdrawals. I tried killing myself 3 times last spring. Today I have been clean for nearly a year. In December I was offered a job much better than the one I lost. I pray every morning and thank God for giving me another chance at making this one life I have a life to be proud of.  What you are feeling today is not forever and it isn't even as bad as your currently sick mind and body are telling you that it is. Take a breath, say a prayer and prepare for feeling bad for a bit. Done right, this could turn out to be the most important day of your life and one you will celebrate next year - like the day I sat in that chair trying to prepare to kill myself. It will be okay! God Bless.

[ariley13]

Hi and welcome! You can do this!! I know it must be very frustrating to have that much time clean and then relapse. You can make it through this and you can have a clean and happy life again. The big question is what are you going to do differently this time to help ensure you don't relapse again?