Tryin' to kick the habit - for two...

[CyBorg58]

I and my wife have been abusing hasch for the last thirty years or so, and now as we're approaching our fifties I'm beginning to realize what's making our lives grey, dull, sexless and generally miserable.  So I want to quit, and naturally I want my wife to quit as well - she's no longer the person she was anymore than I am.  However, every attempt at bringing it up evokes the most horrid temper tantrums that invariably end up with us not speaking to one another for a couple of days, then reverting to our normal everyday abuse.  Living with an addict without being drugged yourself is just no fun at all - I dope myself to cope.  Until  five days ago.  That's when I actually took the entire stash and threw it into the furnace.  I'm sure quite a few on this forum can imagine the heart rending cries, the cursing and threats that ensued.  But we haven't resorted back to abuse. Yet.  One of the main problems is my wife's refusal to accept that smoking a gram or two every day for the last ten years is why she's depressed and lacking lust for anything.  

Where can I find compelling evidence, evidence that will convince her that it's the hasch that's making her feel bad?  How long will it take for her to snap out of the coma she's in?  

Sorry for blurting but there's not a lot of places one can talk about this - in my country hasch abuse is a BIG no-no.

[toxictome]

There's no time like the present...just be glad you DID it!! lol
Glad to hear things are turning around...remember...it all takes time..a lot of time....
Good luck on your journey..and   Keep posting!!!

[CyBorg58]

Hi and thanx for the heads up! :-)  We've been married for fifteen years though, and whereas she has always rejected the notion of PMS, I have not been impervious to the subtle mood changes, crying bursts and door slammings that seem to occur with some regularity - like monthly... ;-)  That I could take... :-)  Apathy and listlessness on a sunny day is harder to take...

After two weeks off the drugs I'm noticing a distinct change in both of us - not all is great but here are a few good things:

We remember our dreams for the first time in years
We both have more energy - especially for 'ad hoc' stuff, like doing something together that we hadn't actually planned for months in advance.
I'm beginning to get the feeling we'll actually have sex soon, for the first time in over a year :-O
We're both beginning to notice things that need our attention - dirty windows, heaps of **** laying around the yard and such.  And DOING something about it... :-)  

I still have trouble with my sleeping patterns.  The way I figure it, the constant intake (right before bed, for example) has screwed up my REM-sleep in a major way, and now that I'm detoxing it's like being jet lagged - I even have to got to the bathroom at new times...  Fortunately as the days go by I feel no desire to smoke - in fact I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't do this years ago...  

[allaboutmary]

I was just reading your posts. Is it possible your wife's problems are not related to the hash. You said you are in your 50's . She could be experiencing some problems from meapause, or some depression.  Getting off the hash is a great thing, but if she is still down in the dumps in a couple weeks, you might want her to see a doc. I myself am hitting menapause and have been a miserable old *****. lol  Best wishes .

[CyBorg58]

Weekend came and went.  Really beginning to like the taste of cold turkey... ;-) All is physically well - i.e. we're still clean.  The relationship is still pretty frozen but I hope that in time she'll come around.  It's just a question of realizing that sometimes one feels like sh-t - it's part of life!

My heart goes out to all of you - hang in there no matter what!  

[CyBorg58]

Thanks friends!
Yeah, we do have NA over here too - if it turns out this is too much for us to deal with on our own and with your support, that may well be an option.  
IBKleen - Boy do we both have hobbies!!  H e l l, we've got a farm, we breed and train herding dogs - that USED to give her pleasure... These days everything is dull, nothing is really enjoyable - like being wrapped in cotton.  But we're still free... :-)  I don't know how many years it's been since we were both without smoke for almost a week.  Gradually it seems as though an invisible fog is lifting... Today hope's on the rise!!

Luckily yesterday was Valentine's Day.  A little hand painted glass bowl with a heart on it and a couple of bars of 70% swiss dark chocolate did seem to offer some consolation.  She (and I too) was in a better than usual morning mood today and we actually hugged and kissed. PHEW!  

Now comes the hard part - not falling back into the same destructive routine that we just stepped out of.  I've GOT to keep telling myself that I am NOT a nice guy if I let her have just a little toke.    

[CyBorg58]

Thanks friends!
Yeah, we do have NA over here too - if it turns out this is too much for us to deal with on our own and with your support, that may well be an option.  
IBKleen - Boy do we both have hobbies!!  H e l l, we've got a farm, we breed and train herding dogs - that USED to give her pleasure... These days everything is dull, nothing is really enjoyable - like being wrapped in cotton.  But we're still free... :-)  I don't know how many years it's been since we were both without smoke for almost a week.  Gradually it seems as though an invisible fog is lifting... Today hope's on the rise!!

Luckily yesterday was Valentine's Day.  A little hand painted glass bowl with a heart on it and a couple of bars of 70% swiss dark chocolate did seem to offer some consolation.  She (and I too) was in a better than usual morning mood today and we actually hugged and kissed. PHEW!  

Now comes the hard part - not falling back into the same destructive routine that we just stepped out of.  I've GOT to keep telling myself that I am NOT a nice guy if I let her have just a little toke.    

[IBKleen]

This is going to sound totally off the charts, but she needs to find a hobby. By that I mean find something to do that satisfies her. Whatever that may be. If she can do something that gives her pleasure, she may realize that she does not need to get high to be happy. Simple, I know, but it works. GL

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum...this is a good place to get help and support.

How about you sit her in the chair and have her read on this forum for awhile...
Do  you have NA mtgs. over there? Take her to a mtg. and let her listen.....

just  a few suggestions...I wish you luck....

[CyBorg58]

Me neither, really.  The physical addiction symptoms are rather mild.  Sleep problems are my worst so far, especially the first night which was a rather nasty sequence of half hour long nightmares interrupted by fits and starts, waking up soaked in sweat.  Since then my sleep has gotten successively better and yesterday I woke up actually remembering a dream for the first time in years... Hopefully the same things are happening to her, but it's hard to tell since she's not talking to me right now... :-|

BTW: In our part of the world (on the same latitude as Nome, AL) we don't have any of that US/Canadian blonde stuff - over here it's dark and sticky and basically catches fire and melts when you burn it.  The reason is logical enough - since we have a lot more borders to cross in Europe it makes a lot more sense to smuggle a couple of hundred kilos of hash than the equivalent volume of weed, which would translate to a truck load.

Thanks for your support - it feels better just knowing there are folks to vent this with, who won't judge us...

[gizzy32]

well not to get into an argument here, cause that's the last thing i want to do, but here in canada weed is about 3 times more potent than hash, no contest period. obviously it's different there.  you are 100% right when you say her symtoms will ease and maybe she will be able to quit like you, your doing the right thing by quitting and you will feel so much better without it. take care. and by the way, i have never heard of someone tapering hash or weed?

[CyBorg58]

I live in Northern Scandinavia and there IS basically no weed here.  And sorry, giz, hash is substantially higher in THC than weed.  Think about it - hash is made from the same exact plant but with most of the vegetable matter removed and then compressed.  Having lived in the US for ten years, I smoked plenty of weed, both Columbian and more fancy stuff, in all shapes and forms - if it were possible, I agree she *could* probably taper down with that.  However... the smell of good weed sticks to clothes and furniture and it really isn't a practical option.  By the time we scored some weed, we'd both be clean... :-)
I've searched for a bit on the web, an dall I discovered was that there isn't a heck of a lot of good, scientific studies done.  Perhaps there's a slight problem getting enough people committing themselves to ingesting enough hash for ten years to make a proper study, eh? ;-)  

So... what am I to do friends?  Just leave her alone to sink into her own misery, convinced that I'm the bad guy who has joined the holer-than-thou goody-two-shoes of Reefer Madness days?  I mean, she's got a car, she's got her own money - she can resupply whenever she wants.  Waiting around for things to get better by themselves is what I've been doing for quite a while now... Guess what - it ain't happening!

This way I'm still free, and so far she is too.  The way I figure is that if I can keep her dry for another week or so, despite the crying, her symptoms will ease and perhaps she'll start to see the light.

[gizzy32]

hey me too, i smoked some blue stuff from BC years ago and i felt the same same way as you, sick and dizzy, lol.

[dovt]

Gotcha, been to BC, know what you mean.  It actually made me sick and dizzy.  Didn't like that.

[gizzy32]

well here in canada the weed is so potent so maybe that's why i think hash is not that strong. i know here the blond hash is farely potent, but i haven't smoke hash in years. hash is basically compressed pot. i never really liked it

[dovt]

Wow, didn't know that.  Its hard to get hash in the states anymore and was always a lot stronger when I did do it.  Isn't it concentrated resin?  What does it look like?

[dovt]

Also, I've noticed that women tend to like weed more than men.  I found that men tend to like alcohol more.  I've asked this of a lot of couples through the years and this tends to be the case.  I've often wondered if this has anything to do with hormones.  It sure helped me during the menstrual years and has also helped with the menopause too.  Anyone out there know the answer to this?

[gizzy32]

taper off hash, are you kidding me? hash is a less stronger than weed, up here it is anyway.

[dovt]

I have smoked for over 25 years.  Fortunately for me, I can take it or leave it and can go days without even thinking about it.  But, I've also had days where I wake and bake til time to go back to bed so I know what you mean.  The only thing I can suggest is maybe a taper for her?  If she is smoking hash then maybe a less stronger weed is needed.  Then she can taper off that.  If she got hold of some headache weed that'll make her want to quit.  Just a thought.

[gizzy32]

i think your missing my point. i doubt that when you give her the info about the negative effects of the THC will that make her stop either. no matter what you tell her or info you show about the negatives of using hash, she still has to realize she has a problem herself. i think you did great tossing it in the furnace and its a great sign of how serious you are about quitting. sorry if i did not help with your question.

you can find info about the effects of THC if you google it on the net. try typing in "effects of long term THC use. i wish you the best of luck.

[CyBorg58]

Hi!
Yes hash is the only drug we abuse.  But you misunderstand me if you think I'm trying to make her quit while I keep using.  No way!  That would be very unfair.  
I also realize that nagging tends to have the opposite effect - that's why I took a step further and rid us of the stash.  
The central problem I have with your line of reasoning is the part about her wanting to quit herself - she doesn't want to quit, because she's convinced it doesn't affect her.  And having used it myself for as long as she has I am 100% convinced that you cannot smoke eight or ten pipes per day, starting before breakfast and ending before bedtime without being affected!  If nothing else, it screws up your seratonin production - much like anti depressants that make you dull and listless when abused.  
So - what I'm looking for is some information about the actual physical effects of living for more than ten years with a *constant* level of THC in your blood stream.  Such information is probably more effective than nagging when it comes to making herself want to quit...

[gizzy32]

first of all you say you dope yourself to cope which is an excuse. i really don't think you can just up and make your wife quit, she needs to want to do this herself. in my experience with drugs, when someone kept telling me to quit using and harassed me about it ingnorantly, i used even more. obviously this is having an impact on your marriage and im sorry for that. but i suggest that you stop nagging her to quit as of right now and set an example to her by quitting yourself and maybe she will see this and follow. i totally understand why you want her to quit with you, but if she refuses, stay strong and continue to stay clean for yourself.

are you positive that hash is causing her depression? i don't know many details here, so it's kind of hard to give you advice, but you did the right thing by tossing it in the furnace as that shows your commitment to stop using. all i can suggest is you make the first step in quitting and show her you are serious. is hash the only drug you are using?