Very Depressed

[alfred1234]

Im on Day 12 clean.  Im really trying to get out of this depression and dont know how to do it.  I feel like i have completly lost myself to oxy's.  I dont know who i am, what i like, what makes me happy.  I have been with my husband for 13 years and feel like i dont even know him all of the sudden.  We moved away (so i could get away from the pills, which he does not know how bad it was).  I work from home now and just so depressed and so bored.  I dont know how to get back on track to be happy.  I dont know if the depression is because of the meds, or if i am really depressed.  I have ruined my life with those pills.  Now i dont know how to fix anything.  I am trying to take it one day at a time, but its just so hard.  Its almost like i felt nothing for the 4 years on the norco's and now im dealing with everything that i didnt deal with.  It seems to all be comming out at once.  I dont know how people just live sober and be happy.  All i want is to be happy.  I want my marriage back,  and my life back.  I do not want to touch those pills ever again, but i just want to be and feel happy.  I know i was not happy on them, but its almost like i could just deal with the unhappiness and it not even phase me.  
I just want to be happy...and find myself.
Can someone please give me some insight on this that has gone through this.  I feel like im the only one.  It seems like people are going through the withdrawls...and yes it has extremley hard.  But nobody really talks about the mental part of the addiction.  And fixing your life after.
Please help.

[guv338]

There will be plenty of people just like those here at your NA to help you through.  I have
not been to any yet, but am thinking strongly about starting or at least trying them.  I think, I can get through this on my own in time, but what could it hurt to talk with others that have been right where we are.  The work ahead of you will be hard, but from my last
3 months, I think it is worth it.  The jury is still out, but I think it will get better.  I hope yours gets better soon as well.

[alfred1234]

I wish you guys could go to my first NA meeting with me :O(

[alfred1234]

Its so hard to think about what to do...What do i do what do i do.  And your so right, I am a stranger in my own life.  I just hope that one day i will be able to come out of this and be HAPPY.  I have a ton of work ahead of me.  I just need to figure out how to do so!
Thanks for your response!

[refusingbondage]

alfred1234.. oh boy do I know where you are right now.. someone said to me on this forum that getting clean is one of the most selfish things they ever had to do in their life and she was right.. Me too--cause like you said.. lots and lots and lots of work you have to do now on yourself.. I am just *beginning* all this work on myself now, 8 months in.. I dont know what to tell you is the best way to go about mending relationships etc.. All I can do is offer support and tell you I do know what its like to feel like a stranger in your own life..Like sobriety turned on a big bright flourescent light in your life.. But I think that working on you and getting to the bottom of your issues, will ultimately help in facilitating all the other amends you have to make.. I wish you the best of luck, take care!  

[alfred1234]

Ok...everyone..I want to know what you guys think.
As i have said previously i have completly lost myself (what makes me, me.  what makes me happy, sad...ect.)
With that said...Going through this, of course i need to find myself again.  I also have a relationship to try to mend.  How did you guys work on this?  Did you work on yourself first?  Or did you work on your relationship which in turn helped work on your self?  Im so lost!  
I personally think i should work on myself before relationships i have ruined.  But i dont know if working on relationships will help find myself.
Does that make any sense??

[willow542000]

I'm new as well, but feel I've found a home. Mine was pain  and sleeping pills,  some of the worst.  I nearly died 3 times, was in 2 Rehabs and 1 hospital, and have several physical problems due to the pills, so oh yeah, pills can kill too.

The picture of your little baby?  That was how years ago when I was first married that I became sober(alcohol) for 35  years(then turned to drugs later..),  having my 3 little sons in my life. They deserved as good a life as I could give them.

Just wanted to wish you a very good day and if you need me, I'm here, because believe me, with chronic pain and insomnia, I'm always "craving" so I understand, still tryin to find something that works to help with the pain and to sleep, but yet not be bombed out!!    Willow