What do I do?

[finsfan4ever]

I had a plan to stop using this Thurs. I planned the time off with my wife, organized all the supplies, scheduled the off time with work. Felt very confident about being ready. Then yesterday, I woke up at midnight and decided I wanted to see how long I could go without one. Usually after 8 hours the aches etc... made me go and take one. I stayed busy, walked the beagles for 1 1/2 hrs last night before bed. About 5-6 miles. Took a tylenol pm and an old valium I had before I went to bed at 10pm.
I woke up this morning at six, and I made it without one! I am now approx. 28 hrs without.
I feel weird, my stomach is a little messed up.
Now I dont know what to do. The plan was Thurs. I could be off for 10 days and wife would be home because shes a teacher and school is out. The reason I didnt start this week was I had important meetings this week and wife had a class she COULD NOT MISS. Now that I'm 28 hrs in I want to keep going. Wife is a little upset, she has to go to her classes this week and I have to work till thurs. She said I made her feel guilty cause we had a plan, but now I kinda started and she feels guilty about having to leave me. I told her I would be ok and to please go to her classes. I dont know if I could make it thru my work on tues weds thurs anyway. Lotta rambling as usual, anybody got any ideas? Should I stick to the original plan or keep going now?

[finsfan4ever]

It is wanting to be off the pills. I have gathered most of the thomas recipe stuff. Wife is getting the rest on the way home tonight. Daughter is 16. My BIGGEST FEAR is work on tues, weds, and thurs. I cannot get into what I do, but its sensitive. Not a doctor,cop,fireman sensitive but in a CLASSIFIED kind of way. This week is very very critical to alot of things.
Its why we chose thurs to stop. I could be off ten to twelve days and wife would be home too. BUT, I am 30+ hrs in and it would hurt to walk into my bdroom and eat a pill to get thru till thurs.
I KNOW I have to decide on my own, just torn......

[Devonlee]

Definitley wait and see you might feel decent enough that you can get through your work week. Positive attitude is a must and immodium so you dont have to run to the bathroom. Worse comes to worse you have the pills if you need to take one so no worries. You might surprise yourself (and your wife) and do just fine! Good luck.

[atthebeach]

good morning, you are doing great.eat bananas,get immodium. forge forward. you will be fine. push yourself. dont get stressed about the plan. now you have a new plan. you are already feeling so great about yourself that you have gone 30 hrs. thats something you havent done in a long time. deal with it minute by minute, hour by hour, try not to worry about tomorrow or wed. just take it as it comes. just keep busy at work, make sure you walk around, get some fresh air. ask the LORD to help you. be strong.i will pray for you.
debbie

[finsfan4ever]

debbie,
Thank you for the words of encouragement. Its hard not thinking about tomorrow. This is the most important three days coming up ever in my life. I cant imagine being clean tomorrow and directing the outcome(maybe of peoples lives) of some serious issues. Do you think I can do that being clean for a day?
I want to badly.
The funny/sad thing is I just had a thought that since I was able to stay clean for 30+ hours maybe I could just detox once in awhile and still use my script! NOW THATS A JUNKIE TALKING HUH?
I KNOW thats foolish, that Im an addict and need to be clean...
I got about 4 hours to decide, then I'm commited to work tomorrow, and will have to wait till thurs.

[gutsnglitter]

if it were me i know having them there in the house would be torture, if you do decide to keep going early then get rid of the pills! and you have to decide now or its going to mess you up.
thats my opinion, and how i would feel, but holly you are strong to do that i know i couldn't if there was pills still in the house

[atthebeach]

i meant try not to worry about how you will feel from not using. no it is perfectly understandable to be concerned about your work issues. that i get. if you make it through today without using then by tomorrow it will be 54 hrs. thats over 2 days. you might be just a little more uncomfortable then now.
yes that is the junkie (such an ugly word) seems so gutterish. well.... talking. no once you are in recovery remember 1 pill is too much and 1000 is never enough. it will spiral all over again. there are many on this site who think i can do one and within a month they are right back to where they were. did you make a counseling appt yet? you need to get going on that because of your prior addiction issues. it becomes very cyclical. the revolving door, merry go round. time to stop the madness and insanity once and for all. are you having any back pain?
debbie