What to do, what to do?

[fedup94]

Um I tried counseling and i tried antidepressants but i still feel no difference.
From all the counseling i felt even worse and would go into this state of depression and my "mood." I get into it so fast. One thing that someone says can cause it like anything that reminds me of my dad. He's not dead and he's still in my life but i really truly hate him. I'm not giving details but anything that man says makes me want to punch something.
Thats what i call my depressive state, my mood because i don't feel happy, i don't feel bad, i don't feel mad. i just feel like i'm there.
When i was younger i would cut to get my feelings out and now, 3 years later i find myself going back to that but getting worse. since then i've been becoming dependent on Tylenol and my Amitriptyline (an anti-depressant my neurologist recommended...it doesn't do anything). As well as some alcohol, cigarettes whenever i can get my hands on them, and the cutting. I find myself taking more than a few pills whenever i feel mad or angry at someone. it's crazy but somehow i like the idea of just passing out.
When i get in my "mood" i just want to sleep forever and never be woken up so i swallow pills down or i have a freak out where i cry and cry and scratch at my skin and i've run away, too. it's awful and tiring...ugh I know i'm depressed and i've been to my mom but nothing seems to work and my dad says i'm delusional but he's an *** so i don't care what he thinks... Sooo any ideas on how i can get better?

[vicki595]

If the Elavil isn't working ,can you talk to the doctor and get on a different med? You may need a change. It sounds like you have a lot of anger there...  I think that could be your next step. See the doctor as soon as you can and don't hurt yourself. It is tiring and draining,I'm sure. See what you can work out.
Good luck-

[RepeatyWithdrawlr]

This reminds me of something I read on a non profit organizations site. I hope you will get as much help as you need. Good luck and check out "to write love on her arms" they are a non profit organization that specializes in cutting and depression.

[gnarly_1]

HI ....well its good to know your in consloing you have some issues your going to have to deal with to get well.....my daughter was a cutter it took a wile for me to understand it but now I do its an outside way of letting out inside pain....it just a shame the scares she has from it now that she is recovered....try not to get discouraged with this it takes time to work things out
but it will be time well spent good luckand God bless.....Gnarly

[cherib6]

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I can so relate..honestly. I have old baggage that re-surfaces now and then and I drink or some other stupid thing. It rarely happens...maybe once every 3-6 months...so I am working on forgiving myself...and letting old **** go...it's hard, but for my sanity I have to.
I would encourage you to continue counselilng or find a counselor that you really can work with, it helps alot. Mostly what I do is PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY to my Heavenly Father. That helps me more than anything.
take care
cherib6

[willy65]

I understand how you have been gone thru. Let me share mine little bit.

I am myself deaf, I sign language, the school I went thru was very terrible, included sexual abuses, physical abuses. I use to live in city where I would get angry at anyone who discriminated against me. I become very bitter person I realized that it is not healthy because I was very angry at the world for treating me that way when I grow up.  

What did I, do, I spend lot of time at nature even move out of city to live in quiet rural area where I would not see anyone around. My case reduced over year and it disappeared. Right now, I do not have anything bitterness against anyone.

I may suggest you to go somewhere that will make you feel like you are in heaven. Try to quit thinking of bad things. Go on horse back riding. Do whatever to change your life.

Hope it helps,

Willy65