When will I be happy again?

[Dumbdum]

This is my first day off hydro, I haven't worked regularly and I get offered my dream job and tmrw is my drug test. I accept I may not get it and I will deal with that. But I refuse to ever be in this position again in my life. I'm a 39 year old college educated loser, in my eyes, and I remember being happy once, but in the last 4 years it has only been when I'm high.

[Miss_Creative]

Hi Dumbdum (your user name made me laugh – I feel like a dumbdum these days. Haha!). I saw your post about being happy again. I’ve gotten off pain meds before and was extremely depressed – I thought I would NEVER feel normal again. I second-guessed everything in my life and I avoided all my friends and loved ones. I was just too sad and agitated to face people. Besides, I had nothing to talk about because the only thing on my mind was my addiction. I found reading forums and EXERCISE was KEY in being happy. Will your knee allow you to workout a bit? Can you walk for longer distances? It was hard to motivate… but first thing I did was download some new music. Music I never listed to before. Experiment a little, check out new bands and start downloading. It’ll keep your mind off the withdrawals. Next step, force yourself to put on some walking shoes and get outside. Let the music be your new playlist to life – get lost in lyrics and the surroundings around you. Take deep breaths, stretch your arms in the air, smile at children you pass by, dance on the street if you want (no one will care)… after 20 minutes into your workout, you will feel a new zest for life. A new type of high! It brought me so much happiness. Unfortunately, I ended up blowing out my knee as I started aggressively running. Oops. Now two surgeries later, I’m trying to taper down from Norco again. I’ve gone from 15/day to 6/day… I’m three weeks out of my last surgery and I’m so sad I can’t go on my long walks to help me get over this dependency. I’m going to taper over a month’s time because of this, and hopefully by then I’ll be able to walk again and be done with this for good. I wish you the best in all your endeavors right now!!!

[Dumbdum]

I just came on to say I am a bit happy today. I had been prescribed them before in the past for a bad knee but not since my health ins ran out. The drug test was for a new job, I did fine. I tapered a bit to 2 a day then one day cold turkey and yesterday a half.. I took a sleeping pill last night that couldn't even make me sleep, but I'm still happy that I don't WANT that in my life. I used it as a way to numb and distance myself from emotions, but I'm ready to feel again. One day at a time, thanks for all the kind words, I was happy to log on and read all your stories as well.

[OpenMind24hours]

I bet sometime TODAY you'll be happy! Happy that you made this decision. A decision that only YOU and you alone can make. You've reached out for help! You're committed to gain your freedom from the bondage of hydro. On the other side of what you're about to experience is a wonderful life. Keep posting and congratulations on one of the most important decisions you've ever made! Smile, your worth it.

[YesLife4Me]

This is by far the hardest thing you will ever do, but also the most rewarding because you are coming back amongst the living.  You will find a renewed joy and appreciation for life.    You are doing great!   Are you being prescribed any opiates? I ask because you stated you have a drug test today and you took half of one yesterday.   If you have a scrip, make sure they know, or show them the bottle.   Good luck!

[toothfairie]

congrats on wanting your life back!  do you plan to taper?  every one is diff and should use their on judgement as to what works best for them. If you are going CT then i would flush the remaining pills you have....that way no temptation....you can get thru this either way....just stay strong and know we are here to support you!  keep posting for support!  and good luck with the job!  

[Dumbdum]

I was up to 10 or 12 at times then could taper down to 2, 1000mg.. Although I've spent $1000s of dollars, I finagle my free ones every month.
I'm successful on day 2, I did take a half to ease the pain today, but I am still determined. I excercised all day and still can't sleep, but I'm not reaching for them and starting the cycle all over again. Thanks so much for the responses, it is so helpful to see others struggling and making it. Congrats to all of you, it's inspiring.

[FourJays]

You are not a loser, but in fact a winner.  You have made the decision to get off the pills and get your life back.  You can do this; it will not be easy, but it gets better every day - you can WIN this battle :)

[luvabugga]

Ditto...everything Pat said....times two!  Especially the happiness part!

Just keep going...and you'll see for yourself!  Good luck and keep posting!

[blotout]

dont beat yourself up man, opiate addiction can happen to anybody regardless of who they are or what they do. If you dont get the job dont go out and buy a bunch of pills because your depressed it will only make it worse, how much did you take a day, did you taper down, dont give in your mind will make excuses to use, whether it be withdrawals or no job or no money or no girlfriend, you get what im saying, GOOD LUCK YOU CAN DO IT!!!

[ItstheSky]

I feel your pain. I am on day 4 of hydro detox and it's hell...but it's the right thing to do. Just keep pushing forward because it's a small price to pay to get on the right track and get your life back.

Good luck!!!

[Pat1956100]

Hey you're not a loser.  You have made a great decision to quit hydro and that makes you a winner.  
Detoxing can cause depression.  I think that is the hardest part of withdrawals. The sadness is overwhelming at times but it does get better.  Happiness will come back and you will catch yourself laughing so hard like you haven't laughed in years because you have been so numb from the drugs.  All our emotions come back, crying, laughing and appreciating the simple things in life.
Stay strong and just know that this won't last.  You are 1 day closer to happiness.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.