Aa
Why I doing this to myself
I'm done lying to y'all. I slipped once again. With methadone. I had been using it for a month. I checked myself into a outpatient rehab. And came clean with my boyfriend. He's supportive. I need more help then I thought. Now I'm just waiting for the withdrawals to kick in. 1 day sober today. :/ how disappointing. One day I will be able to claim my year sobriety once again. I promise. Until then I hope this detox kicks my ***. I deserve it.
It just needs to be DIFFERENT from what you did that last time - it kind of boils down to that. Unless we learn from prior relapses or losing or finding out what the reason was the we began ABUSING in the first place - you're running really fast but NOT moving - in place. Not good lynn. You gotta make some serious changes here for this to happen. You just do.
And you WANT to do this - don't forget that. Sometimes we let our insecurities or fear of withdrawing keep us from stopping - like we can't live or function unless we're using. That's the saddest part of addiction because we are NOT living during that time. Existing. That's it. And life is WAY too short to only exist.
I will end this on a positive note and say I'm glad to hear that you're moving - sounds like a bad environment to be in when you're feeling so vulnerable. So this change will be GREAT lfor you during this time. Maybe life is all about timing huh? And NOW would be the perfect time to do this. - :)
And you WANT to do this - don't forget that. Sometimes we let our insecurities or fear of withdrawing keep us from stopping - like we can't live or function unless we're using. That's the saddest part of addiction because we are NOT living during that time. Existing. That's it. And life is WAY too short to only exist.
I will end this on a positive note and say I'm glad to hear that you're moving - sounds like a bad environment to be in when you're feeling so vulnerable. So this change will be GREAT lfor you during this time. Maybe life is all about timing huh? And NOW would be the perfect time to do this. - :)
That sounds like a great plan. Yes, you need to get away from the dealers. Please message Gnarly about your situation. Meth is tricky to get off of. Not to freak you out but it's not like stopping Vic's because it has a much longer shelf life in your system.
I'm glad you have the support of your boyfriend. You have to take baby steps ok.
Hang in there girl! We are here for you.
I'm glad you have the support of your boyfriend. You have to take baby steps ok.
Hang in there girl! We are here for you.
You may be a better mom on the pills but the fact is better mom needs to take more nad more and inevitably becomes bad mom.You know that though.Even some people who have the best rehab and aftercare and shining star members of aa/na relapse(I hope noone is fooling themselves here).Just pick yourself up and go.You know what to do if you have had one year sober before.
No I am doing it by myself. To be honest I never even needed it. But after using up my perscribed vicodin from wisdom teeth I made it an excuse liken needed it. And the guy who live above me has it. And I made friends with him. Ha so stupid. We are moving to a different part of town on the 1st The apartment we are in now is full of dealers. And is a terrible place for me to be. Thankfully my boyfriend sees and understands this. Arizona seems to be full of drugs lately :/ I just need to find a good home group and attend as much as possible.
I agree stock up - but I do think inpatient rehab would be good for you. Just something to think about.
And I'm sure gnarly will come along soon and talk to you about the meth - he's got a lot of experience and knowledge in that area and I'm sure you know already how wonderful he is. Keep the faith - and begin the process of getting committed to quitting. You know you have to - and it only begins with one tiny little step. :)
And I'm sure gnarly will come along soon and talk to you about the meth - he's got a lot of experience and knowledge in that area and I'm sure you know already how wonderful he is. Keep the faith - and begin the process of getting committed to quitting. You know you have to - and it only begins with one tiny little step. :)
Yes, your baby deserves a clean mommy and you deserve a clean you. I am sure your are an awesome mom but darlin, it's not the real you and you know that.
I don't have a lot of experience with meth but others do who will come along and help you. Just be careful with it ok.
Are you doing this with your drs guidance or by yourself?
Stock up on the stuff from the Thomas Recipe.
I don't have a lot of experience with meth but others do who will come along and help you. Just be careful with it ok.
Are you doing this with your drs guidance or by yourself?
Stock up on the stuff from the Thomas Recipe.
Thank u all. I love this site cause it does help so much. I need real/harsh opinions here. I know I'm not a better mom on drugs it's pathetic that I think that. But I do want out of this lifestyle. Just can't do it anymore. I wana be here for my baby at all times. Me clean and sober. The real me.
Does anyone have any idea of how strong the withdraws may be. I have been on 20 mg of methadone for a month. Not every day. Mainly everyother day. Sometimes two days in a row. I need to know what I'm in for.
Does anyone have any idea of how strong the withdraws may be. I have been on 20 mg of methadone for a month. Not every day. Mainly everyother day. Sometimes two days in a row. I need to know what I'm in for.
You have to get real here lynn - you THINK you're a better Mom because of those pills and that's the drug talking. You're not. You're just NOT.
And the time you take now will only BENEFIT your daughter later - you have to look at the big picture here and try to remove yourself from the moment - it will be a small SMALL part of your life when you look back later. I promise you that.
The more realistic you get about the situation - the better chance you'll have at getting to a happy life. It doesn't work any other way. And you DO have it in you to do this - you came back here - that says a lot. You want OUT so give yourself a chance to do just that.
And the time you take now will only BENEFIT your daughter later - you have to look at the big picture here and try to remove yourself from the moment - it will be a small SMALL part of your life when you look back later. I promise you that.
The more realistic you get about the situation - the better chance you'll have at getting to a happy life. It doesn't work any other way. And you DO have it in you to do this - you came back here - that says a lot. You want OUT so give yourself a chance to do just that.
Hi There, I agree with Imdone. Beating yourself up will only make you feel 10x worse. I speak from lots of experience in that arena. Dont worry about lying to us, your lying to yourself if you think your addiction isn't waiting for you to have a weak moment. Even people with years of clean time, slip if they don't have some form of aftercare.
Please try and be gentle with yourself. You are an addict but your not a victim. You can choose to live a clean life one day at a time.
Darling, promise your sobriety to you...you deserve it!
Please try and be gentle with yourself. You are an addict but your not a victim. You can choose to live a clean life one day at a time.
Darling, promise your sobriety to you...you deserve it!
It just makes menso mad at myself because
I had that relapse for a week while pregnant. And I thought I had learned
My lesson. I put her in danger at that point and I cannot believe I have done it once again.
I had that relapse for a week while pregnant. And I thought I had learned
My lesson. I put her in danger at that point and I cannot believe I have done it once again.
It is. But I can't go a day with out my daughter. I know I'm selfish for doing this buy even in my using she has always came first. I've never ever let it hurt her. Even tho I am hurting myself. I have to give myself that much. I am a Dam good mother to her. And once I get fully clean I will be even better. My addiction had me fooled. It made me believe using was okay because it made me super happy and gave me the energy to play with her and be up with her at night. Well now I Must suck it up and be that same energetic person even thru the detox. She deserves nothing but the best and I will give her that. Time to grow up. I'm a mommy now!
Is inpatient rehab an option for you? Can you make it an option? (oh yeah and stop beating yourself up - that's not going to help anything). :)
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