Why cant I just stop!

[Ken]

I am getting so fed up with myself. This **** has such a hold on me that I want to just give in and say I am a junkie and will always be one. I blew it again! Eight days clean and I had to cop some pills. Now Ive been taking them for three days And know that I am gonna feel awful again.Its like Lays potato chips , you cant eat just one , I feel like a fool to keep going back on this **** when I have been through the hard part of detoxing off of them. I know I should go in to an inpatient program, but I dont want my family and friends to know that I am hooked on drugs again. They think I am doing so good since I have gotten  off the alcohol and cocaine, now to tell my parents that I am a junkie would kill them. I just wish there was an easy way to keep myself away from these god awful drugs. I am starting again please pray for me and respond with your words of wisdom. Chad if your out there , tell me how brother. Ken

[ginger to Tom]

Well, too late.  I broke down and took the vike.  I can't wait for it to kick in and for this pain to stop.  I was sitting here crying and I finally said to myself, "why the hell are you letting yourself suffer this way??" No one wants to hear me complain and I don't have time to feel bad.  there's lots of work that needs to get done.  Therefore, I must self-medicate.  I've discovered that taking 1/2 a vike and a motrin along with it really does the job.  It doesn't sound like much but I'm not a very big person so it will be most effective.  Too bad I'm ruining 10 days without vike but that's the way it is.

[Lynn to Neena]

Guys, I'm jumping off this post, simply because I'm being a hypocrite by saying I want to stop percs. Simple truth is, I don't. I can't wait until my next pill comes along, I can't imagine life without them. I was so desperate today because I had none that at lunchtime I saw a guy (mid 40's) in a neckbrace and said "Wow, that looks painful, what are you taking?" Well, when he said percocets my heart stopped and to make a long story short I made a drug deal with a perfect stranger!!!! So you see how desperate these things can make you. I won't be writing in anymore, but I'll be following all your stories. Thanks for being here when I needed you, but I'm hopeless.

[susanlea]

It's Monday morning, are you OK? I'll be on here, on and off most of the day, if you need someone to talk to. Hang in there, one hour at a time. Let me know.

[Lynn to Neena]

Oh my god the unthinkable happened. I miscalculated my supply and ran out of percs and have no way to more until next week. This has never happened. Maybe its the best thing but you can't convince me of that right now, I'm so uncomfortable. Here comes the cold turkey detox I will unwillingly have to go through, I will probably have to take some xanax I just detoxed from to relieve the anexiety. I can't believe my life is one big drug roller coster. Anyone want to send me some?? (just kidding, I think)

[Lynn to Neena]

I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't I can't. This morning (Sat) I started off with 4 and tried to chase the buzz all morning. Now its 3:00 and I'm sitting here feeling nothing but stupid and tired, and got nothing accomplished today. I will never be able to do this on my own, in patient care is going to be the only way, but I can't take time off right now because I just got back from a 3 day suspension. I can see how people commit suicide, (although I'd never do it) but I can see how its possible.

[Jacki]

my boyfriend is vinny...and today went into a detox program.  I am He had the courage and strength to realize that he couldnt do it all by himself.  I have so much resoect for him for standing up to this thing.  It took everything he had to tell his family, and they supported him.  He chooses life......one that he can focus in......and enjoy.  This website was an eye opener to him.....thank you to all who inspired him