Why cant I just stop!

[Ken]

I am getting so fed up with myself. This **** has such a hold on me that I want to just give in and say I am a junkie and will always be one. I blew it again! Eight days clean and I had to cop some pills. Now Ive been taking them for three days And know that I am gonna feel awful again.Its like Lays potato chips , you cant eat just one , I feel like a fool to keep going back on this **** when I have been through the hard part of detoxing off of them. I know I should go in to an inpatient program, but I dont want my family and friends to know that I am hooked on drugs again. They think I am doing so good since I have gotten  off the alcohol and cocaine, now to tell my parents that I am a junkie would kill them. I just wish there was an easy way to keep myself away from these god awful drugs. I am starting again please pray for me and respond with your words of wisdom. Chad if your out there , tell me how brother. Ken

[Here i Sit Addicted agin]

Why cant we Stop? i think life just involves to much pain. taking perks / vikes / oxy washes away the pain. mental pain is the real reason why we are addicts. so here i sit again addicted.i went through this so many F,in times. I take a few oxy's or hydro's like 5 pills at a shot. and close my eyes, and then all is ok. i can take up to 50 perks a day. i have friends that will eat 20 at a shot. so i wonder what is the real reason .. mental pain!!!!!! so to everyone out on this site im back here again. i have been clean / but now it is round #2 for vinny ..... i have been addicted for 2 years now. THE DETOX WAS EASY THE MENTAL PART KICKED MY ASS.  so here i sit again!!!!!!!

[ken to ronnieg and angie]

I think its 4 Percs = 1 -20mg oxy so thats about the same amount. But if I didnt have 6 or 8, I would find whatever I could to get high, lortab,vicodin , darvon, it didnt matter, as long as I wasnt sick. I am just so glad today to not have to worry about tomorrows pills, tomorrow I will worry about when it gets here. But today I will not use!

[Lynn to Neena]

It's so nice knowing people out there are able to help me. How many percs per day equal the amount of 200 mg oxycontin you were taking? I know Lortabs aren't that strong, just wondering if you were eating up to lets say...30 percs a day in oxy terms?

[Ken to Lynn]

Dont worry about it so much! It is hard but its the best thing you can do for yourself. In a few days you will feel so much better to not have to chase pills down,they used to consume my every thought, how will I get more for tomorrow? I have been clean only 10 days now and feel 100% better. So it can be done. I was taking 120 to 200 mgs of Oxycontin a day , weened down on lortab 10/500 in 5 days, then went cold turkey from there. The first 2 days were hard for me , and I got a few pills on the 4th day then quit again. Now 10 days and feel pretty good. You can do it , were here for you, good luck.  KEN

[Lynn to Neena]

I'm at work now, determined to stay clean just for today. I ate every single pill I could get my hands on and literally have no connections or pills left. TODAY. My connection up the street is not in today. I'm scared. I'm scared I won't sleep tonight and will be sick  tomorrow morning. I hate having this disease, I suppose people with cancer say the same thing. These pills consume my thoughts every minute of the day. Yes, I want to stop, but as you all know it is not that easy. I read every one's stories, who is still using that really doesn't want to but can't  stop like me?  Do I sound whiny? I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little spacy. Thanks for listening.

[Lynn to Neena]

In a nutshell, Tom, that is exactly how I get them. Girl I know has lupus disease so she has a prescription for 100 every month. She is on welfare and needs the money so she sells her percs to someone addicted like me who works for the money and hands it over to her each month. She's on methodone so she doesnt even need them. She's the monkey on my back.