Why can't I stop? Where can I get help?

[SleeplessinNJ]

Hello,this is my first time doing something like this online. I've been taking everything under the sun to try and hide my emotional pain.My husband suffers from chronic pain and is disabled.He just started to work again after 2 yrs, but on a part-time basis.He doesnt take me out anymore,he hasn't slept in the same bed with me for years,and he constantly yells at me and my daughter(his step-daughter).I had enough of his verbal abuse so I have filed for divorce.He promised to make my life miserable until the end and he's doing a good job.Because of his chronic pain, he gets prescriptions for Oxycontin, Vicoden, dilaudid, and other drugs.For a year now I've been stealing his drugs little by little.I started by just popping one or two a day, then I found out that I can crush the Oxycontin and snort it to get a faster high.These drugs led me to others like heroin and coke.My nose got so messed up that I stopped doing them, but increased my pill intake.My addiction to these pills haven't effected my work yet, nor my school work(I take college classes at night).No body knows about my problem except for a few close friends that I trust.I so desperately want to stop and lead a normal life again because I adore my daughter and shes my life.But I wake up in the morning in such disarray that I need to take something to function.My heroin addiction did in fact stop and so did the coke.Im happy about that progress, but I just dont know how to function without the pills.I feel like there is no end to my "pain".I found this site by chance and think this could help me knowing I'm not alone

[sharonver]

Welcome,

Have you ever tried counseling with your husband?  Or just talking to him honestly and telling him how you feel?  The reason why I ask this (and not to take sides w/husband)cuz hes definietly wrong for verbal abuse, but sometimes when you are in chronic pain you can't help yourself and you hurt the ones that you love. Ask him how he feels about you and your stepdaughter. And try to see if there is anyway you can work it out. And please try to stop with the pills before it gets out of hand. It will just get worse.  If you stop now the withdrawals will be a lot easier. Just my opinion, you live with him and really know him.  Just trying to help...

Sharon

[suzieneedshelp]

I t is awesome to have u here really!  Please ignore the nonissue related stuff recently.  Every once in a while it flares up in here but the caring and  honesty always wins in the end!
Can u plz e-mail me?  ***@****
TY!
Suzie

[Esmith28]

I wenthe AA CA route years ago and am trying to go back now...the years I was sucessful (4years sober) were the happiest years of my life. I was happy, clean, spiritual fit, healthy and had more wonderful friends than I knew what to do with..it works...but you got to be commited if you can be committed to the drugs you can just committ yourslef to the program equally as dilegent...first step is to find a meeting...I had a terrible experience with NA people but that is me, I found great happiness in AA and CA, let me know if you want to know more...***@**** use Rx in subjesct line so I wont delete
Bless you...your doing the right thing...we have all been where you are, and some still are ...your not alone anymore!!

[oxydetox pete]

Ive been suffering chronic pain for 3 years now and my wife is so sick of hearing about it, she says she going to need valium to get through it. It really is a family altering experience. I was snorting 2 oxycontin 80's in the morning not just for the pain anymore but to feel normal. I recently went off everything, and I was fearing for my life. Coming off the narcs wasnt that bad, just a sick feeling for a couple few days and thats about it, dont be scared to do you will be glad you did. My back pains no better, but the guilt is gone and that feels so good. good luck

[SleeplessinNJ]

I really want to thank everyone for your posts. It is helping me mentally to cope with this knowing that I'm not alone. I think my mental frame of mind is a good place to start in my hopeful recovery. At first I was overwhelmed by the responses and started to cry. But now I feel that I can deal with this. Like I said, this is my first time doing this and I'm glad I did.

Thank you for your personal stories, advice and blessings. I hope to one day pass these acts of kindness on to those who need me. One positive thing I can say about myself is that I open my heart up to those who want to come in.

Thanks again, Debbie

[suzieneedshelp]

WELCOME!  Although many cannot taper!  I could not.  Most cant.  This is a disease and u have made the most important first step to recovery.. admission u have a problem!
Peace to you.. keep postin and readin!
Suzie