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Why can't I stop? Where can I get help?
Hello,this is my first time doing something like this online. I've been taking everything under the sun to try and hide my emotional pain.My husband suffers from chronic pain and is disabled.He just started to work again after 2 yrs, but on a part-time basis.He doesnt take me out anymore,he hasn't slept in the same bed with me for years,and he constantly yells at me and my daughter(his step-daughter).I had enough of his verbal abuse so I have filed for divorce.He promised to make my life miserable until the end and he's doing a good job.Because of his chronic pain, he gets prescriptions for Oxycontin, Vicoden, dilaudid, and other drugs.For a year now I've been stealing his drugs little by little.I started by just popping one or two a day, then I found out that I can crush the Oxycontin and snort it to get a faster high.These drugs led me to others like heroin and coke.My nose got so messed up that I stopped doing them, but increased my pill intake.My addiction to these pills haven't effected my work yet, nor my school work(I take college classes at night).No body knows about my problem except for a few close friends that I trust.I so desperately want to stop and lead a normal life again because I adore my daughter and shes my life.But I wake up in the morning in such disarray that I need to take something to function.My heroin addiction did in fact stop and so did the coke.Im happy about that progress, but I just dont know how to function without the pills.I feel like there is no end to my "pain".I found this site by chance and think this could help me knowing I'm not alone
Welcome, try a taper method. If possible just set some goals and stick to them, if you slip up don't get to down. Read all the post its great therapy and keep trying. Remember "less today than yesterday". Good luck!
teeitup!
teeitup!
It only gets worse. You need more and more to feel relief. I ended up taking 3 OC 80's just to get out of bed and get to work in he morning. 2-3 more at lunch... people will know something is wrong if you keep going, though you may be in denial. If you get clean you will certainly look back at this point in your life and realize then that you were perhaps fooling people, but that you really weren't yourself.
Anyway, again I ask, what are you willing to do to get clean? Perhaps things need to spiral down a litle further, or perhaps you can function indefinitely like this, I don't know. My experience is that it gets worse and worse, never better. NA can be a great help, as can AA, if you go into it with willingness.
Anyway, again I ask, what are you willing to do to get clean? Perhaps things need to spiral down a litle further, or perhaps you can function indefinitely like this, I don't know. My experience is that it gets worse and worse, never better. NA can be a great help, as can AA, if you go into it with willingness.
I have tried to stop cold turkey, but as you well know, the feeling is horrible. I try not to do any on the weekends, but it feels like I got run over by a truck. I have no motivation without that extra kick I get from the scripts. I started with one Oxycontin pill, then I would add other pills to the mix. I'm high at work, but no one has a clue, except one of my dearest friends here. He's gathering information for me right now to help me battle this. In fact he just sent me an e-mail with information on NA. Has anyone tried that route? Does it help? I don't have a Dr. I've tried counseling, but the conversation would shift to the topic of my husband who is in constant chronic pain. I do have compassion for the man. I've been by his side through 3 neck surgeries and all other procedures to try and alleviate his pain, but enough is enough. I feel so drained and so left out. No body even asks me how I'm doing anymore, it's always about him. I crave for someone to give me some attention and compassion for putting up with tons of hospital visits, working my butt off to pay the mortgage and provide for the family. The reality is I'm happy at work and at school because I'm away from him, but while I'm work, I get high and try to forget what awaits me at home.
For what it's worth, your husband sounds like is is emotionally sick and very unhappy. Try to have as much compassion as you can for him, as doing that will help you as well.
What are you willing to do to get clean? Are you willing to take time off school, perhaps move somewhere else for a month to get away from him, and his drugs? Do you think you can kick your habit in that environment? Are you willing to come clean with friends and family about where you are right now? Are you willing to enter a treatment facility if you have the ability to?
I took 800mgs a day of Oxycontin, and had to quit 9 months ago, so I do know where you are. It's very serious and we are all glad you are here. How much are you taking, what are you taking?
What are you willing to do to get clean? Are you willing to take time off school, perhaps move somewhere else for a month to get away from him, and his drugs? Do you think you can kick your habit in that environment? Are you willing to come clean with friends and family about where you are right now? Are you willing to enter a treatment facility if you have the ability to?
I took 800mgs a day of Oxycontin, and had to quit 9 months ago, so I do know where you are. It's very serious and we are all glad you are here. How much are you taking, what are you taking?
Welcome to the forum!
Congrats on making it this far and admitting to yourself that you have an addiction with pills! Whether you believe it or not, that in itself is a huge step towards recovery. It sounds like you want to stop? There are a few ways of doing this. You can go over all the previous posts, and they should help you alot.
You do need support though, and it sounds like you have a few great friends who are there for you. We are also here for you. I would think the fortunate thing for you is that you didn't begin taking pills because of physical pain, and therefore once the withdrawal pain is over with you shouldn't have anymore pain. Anyways, there is a Thomas recipe here, that has helped a lot of people ease their withdrawal symptoms, for both cold turkey and tapering. You will find it in a post somewhere...and i am sure someone will post it for you if you ask. I don't know how to do it myself. Anyways, depending on what you want to know right now...there are a bunch of people here who will answer you eventually.
For now, know that everyone here understands what you are going through, understands how you feel, and wants to help you. YOU ARE DEFINATLEY NOT ALONE!
Catherine
By the way, my husband is addicted to codiene, and he is 2 months sober....this forum helped me understand his addiction, and helped me understand how i can be supportive of him, amoung other valuable lessons, that would take me hours to list!
Congrats on making it this far and admitting to yourself that you have an addiction with pills! Whether you believe it or not, that in itself is a huge step towards recovery. It sounds like you want to stop? There are a few ways of doing this. You can go over all the previous posts, and they should help you alot.
You do need support though, and it sounds like you have a few great friends who are there for you. We are also here for you. I would think the fortunate thing for you is that you didn't begin taking pills because of physical pain, and therefore once the withdrawal pain is over with you shouldn't have anymore pain. Anyways, there is a Thomas recipe here, that has helped a lot of people ease their withdrawal symptoms, for both cold turkey and tapering. You will find it in a post somewhere...and i am sure someone will post it for you if you ask. I don't know how to do it myself. Anyways, depending on what you want to know right now...there are a bunch of people here who will answer you eventually.
For now, know that everyone here understands what you are going through, understands how you feel, and wants to help you. YOU ARE DEFINATLEY NOT ALONE!
Catherine
By the way, my husband is addicted to codiene, and he is 2 months sober....this forum helped me understand his addiction, and helped me understand how i can be supportive of him, amoung other valuable lessons, that would take me hours to list!
You are on the right track. The first thing you know is that you want it to stop. The problem is that u wake up in the morning and u cant function with out your pill. I understand I used to fill the same way. It goes away over time. Many people will tell u diffrent ways to stop. Do u have a doctor? they do understand if u tell them the truth. be honest. I had a problem for 1 and 1/2 years. Untill a week ago I realized it was a big problem and using is easier than quitting. I too have a daughter. I also have diabetes. Have u ever tried to quit taking everything? there is going to be withdrawl. It is not fun i went thru it twice. It feels like u got the flu real bad.U can do it. Do it for your daughter and for yourself. Life after the pills and drugs is a great one. trust me I have faith in you.. write back if u have more questions. U can get thru this and I as well as many in here will help...... Tim 22 Male
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