Why can't I stop? Where can I get help?

[SleeplessinNJ]

Hello,this is my first time doing something like this online. I've been taking everything under the sun to try and hide my emotional pain.My husband suffers from chronic pain and is disabled.He just started to work again after 2 yrs, but on a part-time basis.He doesnt take me out anymore,he hasn't slept in the same bed with me for years,and he constantly yells at me and my daughter(his step-daughter).I had enough of his verbal abuse so I have filed for divorce.He promised to make my life miserable until the end and he's doing a good job.Because of his chronic pain, he gets prescriptions for Oxycontin, Vicoden, dilaudid, and other drugs.For a year now I've been stealing his drugs little by little.I started by just popping one or two a day, then I found out that I can crush the Oxycontin and snort it to get a faster high.These drugs led me to others like heroin and coke.My nose got so messed up that I stopped doing them, but increased my pill intake.My addiction to these pills haven't effected my work yet, nor my school work(I take college classes at night).No body knows about my problem except for a few close friends that I trust.I so desperately want to stop and lead a normal life again because I adore my daughter and shes my life.But I wake up in the morning in such disarray that I need to take something to function.My heroin addiction did in fact stop and so did the coke.Im happy about that progress, but I just dont know how to function without the pills.I feel like there is no end to my "pain".I found this site by chance and think this could help me knowing I'm not alone

[theGolden1]

I am tapering right now. I discontinued my evening dose as of tonight. I have been cutting down since January 1st ..... thanks to this cool guy I met here. (Rex) I was caught up in the "medical trap" like your husband. I am a chronic pain person and had surgery on my hands. Ok maybe your husband is in worse shape, I don't really know, but I want to say a couple of things. There is a slogan "There but for the grace of God, go I".
You are lucky to have good health ..... DON"T MESS IT UP. As far as your husband ... Don't run away from the problem .... face it head on! The best thing you can do for your daughter is to show compassion for her father. I say you take charge of your family.
His pain medicine should be given to him regularly and other therapies also used. Pain management is a viable option. Of coarse you must help yourself first. You will do fine I'm sure. Emotional pain is a very real thing ... you need some support for "caregivers". I'm sure he was alot different when you married him.  He resent's your daughter because he feels that she is number one with you. Men have a hard time with illness. This forum has been a lifesaver for me. I am going to try to live without meds even though I have pain. I can't believe I am doing this .... but I really want a better life. I hope you can get some help for you and your daughter ..... good luck, Goldie