Why did I get like this?

[missinglife]

So it has been almost 24 hours since I last had a percocet. I am not even sure why I like them anymore. They hardly work, it is a constant chase of something I will never achieve. I feel like **** on them- well, I am lying, I feel awake and great but also mean and bitchy. God forbid you interrupt my "high". I sit on my couch and watch television, what kind of a life is that? I went from working out all the time, being able to run and loving stuff to literally a couch potato. I work, but i go home and sit until bed. When I write this it doesn't even sound like fun, but yet if I had some at home, I would be taking them. WHY? I feel awful today and I am confused because I have only been on this crazy venture since Saturday and my last use was Tuesday. Granted, I get them from a friend so I get some, take them for a week or two at a crazy dosage (10mg and 3 to 4 per a night and sometimes 1 in the am) on weekends, just know there is an increase. So I get so confused why I feel this way because in my mind I have only been on them for a few days, but realistically I have been on this cycle for 2 years. I get some, take them, go through a withdrawal until my batch comes in. Sounds foolish, I know! I called my "friend" and told him I don't want to know the new batch is in, I am done. I know I need to get through a few more days of hell but I am going to go through the withdrawal this time for good, not for a week or two until they come in. I just needed to vent, I need to do this. My husband knows, he does not enable. I have gained so much weight cause I do nothing on them and then spend another few days going through hell when I don't have then and have a maybe almost one good week before they are in again. I am not sure i have the strength to say no to them, so I just don't want to know they are here and available. I want MY life back, the one without the 6 hours of couch, weight gain, depression, moodiness and feeling crappy. But why do we do this? Why does as dumb and stupid this seems we continue to do it? Why even after writing this, will I take one if there?

[Jen777]

Girl, I feel you! I have been on and off oxy for almost 2 years (right after my daughter was born) and I was the same way as you....exercising, running, feeling good. Now I am too a couch potato!!! Let's just get over this **** and get back in shape and be happy! As I type I am sitting in front of the TV watching some **** just waiting to get up and take a shower. Let's do it! Keep me posted!

[missinglife]

I plan to do it. I am done with being unhappy and miserable. I am surprised my husband is still married to me. Too many nights sitting on the couch trying to experience a "high" rather than spending time with him. In fact, a good night to me was if he worked late and I didn't have to worry about feeling guilty. Seriously, 2 years ago, I hardly have a glass of wine during the week. A "perfect" night was after a 4mile walk/run and 30 minute gym session on Friday going home and having a nice glass of wine... maybe 2. Now... what have I become? I drink a glass sometimes just to try to increase the "high". I am very sad at what I have become. I just looked in the mirror and I have no idea who I am. Eye brows not plucked, face so full and flushed, sweats, chills and just a mess. I know the eye brows thing is the least of my problems, but it just points out to me I am someone I would never want to become.

[Ella789]

  Addiction can cause alot of problems in our lives.  It's a sad thing to crave a pill and know that there will never be enough to take.  The longer a person takes them the more is needed to take care of the pain.  I used lortabs for 5 yrs. and the last couple of years I knew that I needed more and more as the months passed.  It was like a road to nowhere, and my body was suffering.  Detox made me clean of lortabs but then you gotta live with it,  you have to want it more than the pills. You will have to deal with the "mental" side of staying free.  It is doable, sometimes it aint pretty. The longer I stay away from the lortabs the better my life will get, it's worth waiting for and hopeing for.  If it was easy then we wouldn't have this forum right now!  
  I hope that you can put the pills away and detox your body.  There is no one who knows you better than you and this will ultimately be your choice made for your life.  You can't quit for anybody but yourself.   I hope the best for you

Ella

[missinglife]

Thank you, I hope so to. I have never lied to a doctor to get any, I have never called and asked if there were anymore to buy. It is just if it is there, I can't say no. But when they are not, I have never tried to get them any other way, well, aside from my buddy. But even if I had two weeks before I got more, I never tried to do something in between. I have no idea what that means? In fact, when my buddy called last time, I told him I would meet him the next day (Sat) because I was not in a rush or anything, I had not had any in like a week. I am just hoping maybe I am stopping something sooner before it got much, much worse later. It may not seem, right now, like it can get worse, but I know it can.

[Ella789]

  That's awesome!!  I think you will be able to do this!  I know with most of us, the addiction has been going on awhile,  and it is so very hard to quit without help.  I'm so glad for you, :)

Ella

[Sonnygirl]

I too used to be healthy and happy.  All I've been doing for the last year is getting high.  Oxy is my DOC and it makes me feel wonderful...sometimes.  I feel like it's the only way I can get **** done anymore, otherwise I have no motivation.  I don't seem to have too much of a problem getting them and that honestly is a problem for me because I'll pay it.  But there goes all my money down the drain...For what?  Just to feel normal now?  I wanna feel normal without drugs.  I wanna feel happy and motivated without drugs too.  The road is hard but maybe we can all help eachother out somehow?  It's been almost two days since my last high.  Good luck to you all.

[missinglife]

Today is day 2 for me and I feel great! I am not lying. I had an awful time sleeping last night but I don't have the sweats today so that is just wonderful. Yesterday was rough, real rough. The sweats are what really get me and I felt so sick and run down yesterday but today... I feel good! I am sure everyone is different and I a know it all depends on how long and stuff but I hope to give someone a helping hand by saying if you were like me (as you can read above) then getting past the first day it just gets better. I am not 100% but so much better than my first day! I hope this helps anyone.

[10356]

Glad to read you are feeling better.. sometimes just knowing we are doing something about our life sucking addiction goes a long way in making us feel better in many ways.. I wish you continued success.. lesa