Aa
PLEASE HELP!!!!
I need your help/suggestions BADLY!! Ok, first off, Ive posted on here over a year ago, thinking I was ready to quit my pain pill addiction. I was pregnant and was scared to be taking them while pregnant. So I was going to start weening myself. Well once I got the okay from my pain specialist that I could still take them even though i was pregnant, i obviously never quit. And here I am again today asking for help! So Ive been taking them for 3 years now to the T. The first year not very heavily, maybe 2-4 pills a day, now im taking whatever i can find every 3 hours! I usually take one and half 10mg perc or vic. Or if I look really hard, I'll take a 15 or 20 mg oxycodone. I dont take oxycontin, but I am prescribed 20mg Opanas monthly. I get 30 of those ones and between my boyfriend and I, those are gone within 3 days. I also get 150 10 mg percs each month, but those only last us about 5 days. So the rest of the month, we are buying them from people. We are now spending $1000 a week!!!! UUGH! I hate this! We have a two story 4 bedroom home, 5 children including a newborn! What the hell are we doing spending money like this?? I know, I ask my self that EVERY day! Thank goodness we both have very good paying jobs and make over $80,000 a year between the both of us, but we have NOTHING to show for it! We both want to stop SOOO BAD! But we are so scared of withdrawal! This week was the worst, we have been trying to find some for two days and can only find the 5mg vic, which are REALLY low for us and we are barely hanging in there with these ones. I want out of this chasing game, I want out NOW! But how do I stop, and still maintain my job, my home, and take care of my newborn and the other kids? I cant! I dont have a week or two to withdrawal! And I am so scared of withdrawal that I know I just wont do it! Now that ive only been on these weak ones for two days now, my body is sweaty, Ive had anxiety and diarrhea bad, is it because Ive gone down from the strong ones to these? What can I do? I honestly wish I could just stop and NEVER pick up a damn pill again,,, EVER!! I swear, if there was ever a miracle that would happen where i could skip the withdrawals, I would stop taking them in a heartbeat! I dont even get a high anymore, I just take them to keep myself from getting sick. Im either going to be broke and homeless or dead! PLEASE HELP ME! I am so desperate to find a way out!
i am sorry u r having such a hard time..5 children and working..plus feeling sick is hard for sure...unless u bring home 1000 bux a week tho u could quit work if u 2 quit the pills...also taking the 5 mg pills is often tons of tylenol to get enuf narcotic to feel ok...sounds like u know the answer and perhaps u can ask ur doctor for help? is ur husband on board with u about quitting?
after reading your posts i think that more than ever you have to come up with a plan to quit first...you seem to be beating yourself up when you are obviously not ready to quit..your stressing your body and mind out and going in circles..i know because i 'm on this forum to get advice on quitting too...you have addmitted to yourself that you are addicted..now do your research and come up with the plan that fits you..the guilt is going to kill you..relax and listen to the people on this site...they will help you...
Thank you for those strong, but meaningful words! That post really made my heart pound! How selfish can i be? My little ones need me more than ever, and I know it. They think of me so highly, if they knew what I was doing, they would hate me! I love them so much, and you are right, THEY are the reason to stop! I did go and buy those ones last night, to get me through today. But instead of taking 2 at a time today, Im only taking one. I can already feel it. I feel a little irritated and my body keeps getting warm, and then chills. Ugh, it sure doesnt feel good. It was hard just getting ready for work today. BUT, taking only 1 is HALF of what I would normally take, so thats a big difference for me. I called 2 people this morning to see if they had any (stupid! I know) but guess what, everyone was OUT!! So here I am with only 6 pills in my purse! I have to make them stretch all day. Then what happens tomorrow? I think im going to be sick. Im so scared of that. But Im really going to try and PUSH myself through. I think Im going to detox first, and then once Im better Im going to help my boyfriend. Hopefully we can really do it now.
Roxmom, Go up to the Health Pages and Read The Thomas Recipe and The Amino Acid Protocol. Use your money to get the items listed. Also, get to a doctor and tell him you and boyfriend are gonna detox off the meds ask for a script for Clonodine, and a few Valium (thomas recipe) which helps with the withdrawals.
Decide that it is time NOW. It will be hard to work during withdrawals but you can. Tell people you have the flu, trust me, they will believe you, maybe they'll send you home. Enlist friends or family to help with the kids because of such a bad flu. Your boyfriend will have a harder time working, I wouldn't suggest driving while withdrawing, could be very dangerous. But this is your lives we're talking about! You do what you have to, to get thru this.
You both must decide to do this, because if one of you doesn't the other will fail if there are pills around. You can take turns going thru withdrawals, and help each other threw it. But you must make a pack to do it. If one fails, chances are the other will too.
You will need to cut all connections with any dealers or scripts for the pills. This is an absolute necessity. When you can do that, you'll know you're ready.
You may have a nice house now, good jobs etc, but if you keep going the way you are, you WILL lose it all, maybe even your kids. How would you feel if the state came and took your kids, all because of these stupid pills? How would you feel if you couldn't afford to feed them because you had to feed your habit first? You have 5 kids? There's 5 perfect reasons to stop this cycle now.
In about 2 weeks your life can be changed. Only 2 weeks!!!!!!!!! Think back, how many amazing miracles have you done for your kids, in the past couple of years? You can take 2 weeks and preform a miracle. For yourselves and those kids.
Do it and do it now. Make your plans, set it up and drop all the drug connections. There is a light at the end of this and you can reach it.
Go For It !!!!!!!!!!!
Keep posting, get strong and hang in there.
Magi
Decide that it is time NOW. It will be hard to work during withdrawals but you can. Tell people you have the flu, trust me, they will believe you, maybe they'll send you home. Enlist friends or family to help with the kids because of such a bad flu. Your boyfriend will have a harder time working, I wouldn't suggest driving while withdrawing, could be very dangerous. But this is your lives we're talking about! You do what you have to, to get thru this.
You both must decide to do this, because if one of you doesn't the other will fail if there are pills around. You can take turns going thru withdrawals, and help each other threw it. But you must make a pack to do it. If one fails, chances are the other will too.
You will need to cut all connections with any dealers or scripts for the pills. This is an absolute necessity. When you can do that, you'll know you're ready.
You may have a nice house now, good jobs etc, but if you keep going the way you are, you WILL lose it all, maybe even your kids. How would you feel if the state came and took your kids, all because of these stupid pills? How would you feel if you couldn't afford to feed them because you had to feed your habit first? You have 5 kids? There's 5 perfect reasons to stop this cycle now.
In about 2 weeks your life can be changed. Only 2 weeks!!!!!!!!! Think back, how many amazing miracles have you done for your kids, in the past couple of years? You can take 2 weeks and preform a miracle. For yourselves and those kids.
Do it and do it now. Make your plans, set it up and drop all the drug connections. There is a light at the end of this and you can reach it.
Go For It !!!!!!!!!!!
Keep posting, get strong and hang in there.
Magi
when i heard your response from roxmom i went straight to post comment,you make it sound so easy .99% of the people that have done 240mg's of oxy's,especially snorted,they wouldn't even be able to stand after 3,4 and5 days,i got to hand it to you for doing what you did but it's not that easy for most folks
DO NOT SELF MEDICATE WITH METHADONE!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU NEED TO TAKE UNTIL YOU TELL A DOC HOW MANY PERCS A DAY YOU WERE TAKING. Okay? Whew...sorry, didn't mean to 'yell' like that lol---but taking methadone without a doctor supervising you can be fatal. (anna nicole smith...hint, hint....) I would actually rather see you take the percs that you know you can handle than methadone which you DON'T know HOW MUCH you need. But....when you are ready, you will know. :)
(and WOW...$5 a pill??!?? THAT alone woulda made me quit much sooner than I did! lol I guess where I live they are just...cheaper, I dunno.) And when you are finally ready to quit, I still think you should go c/t----like I said, you won't die. It will be misery for a few days, but when you are 4-5 days clean....you feel SO much better. 4-5 days really aren't that long, it will just seem like it to you while you are withdrawing. Its up to you, I'll be around here to check in on you, and post as much as you like. :)
(and WOW...$5 a pill??!?? THAT alone woulda made me quit much sooner than I did! lol I guess where I live they are just...cheaper, I dunno.) And when you are finally ready to quit, I still think you should go c/t----like I said, you won't die. It will be misery for a few days, but when you are 4-5 days clean....you feel SO much better. 4-5 days really aren't that long, it will just seem like it to you while you are withdrawing. Its up to you, I'll be around here to check in on you, and post as much as you like. :)
Also you could use that $300 for supplements, massages, etc... to get you through the withdrawals.... just an idea...
Every pill you take makes it that much harder on your body to quit... I don't know about methadone but I have friends who are in an evil cycle with that stuff and I really don't think you guys need it. Also you'll read a lot of horror stories with the subs so decide for yourself, you'll eventually have to withdrawal from either and the withdrawals can be worse or just as bad but whatever you decide it's personal. Whatever you do good luck, we'll be here for you!!!
Yes, thats it "you will get clean when your desire to be clean is stronger than your desire to be high". this is exactly why I came here! And Im only crying because the truth hurts, you all are right! I wish I could be in your shoes and say, im feeling better now. I want to be that person saying "you can do it, i i did". Oh how I long for that feeling. My bf and I talked last night about going to a clinic here and getting help with Suboxone or Methadone. My cousin actually gave me a little bottle of methadone about a year ago, because she told me it would help, but I never touched it, and I showed it to my bf last night thinking we may take just a cap full, to see if we could go a whole day with out pills, like my cousin said we could. (which by the way, she is a heroin user for 4 years now) How sad huh? Im a professional but Im asking my heroin cousin for advise!!! But she said if we took a cap full of it a day for 3 days, that it might help get off the pills!, but what about after that? Wouldn't I need more methadone then?
i would take smaller doses...and stretch them out..start stretching like 30 mins longer...every couple days...or you could just not go buy the pills and say enough is enough and go c/t...just a thought...lol...there is great support here...you are not alone...most of us have taken pills and had to break the cycle....keep posting...
WOW, what a great group you all are! What support! I am so much in tears right now (at work) i know my co-workers are thinking something must be wrong, but wont ask. I am reading every post and you guys are so strong in your words, it really helps! I can not believe people that dont even know me, care! I dont feel so alone anymore! Thank you for that. Now the hard part,,, what or how do I do it? I only have the 5mg right now, however, my cousin just called and told me she found the 10 mgs! UUgh!! here we go again!! I have $300 in my purse and I know its all going to her! Do you know how much groceries I could buy with that? How dumb huh? But I know I will go buy the pills after work.... :( I cant stop crying now.. (please dont think Im trying to feel sorry for myself) im not, just letting you know how much this is effecting me, emotionally!! (Scarlettclaire - we pay $5 a pill for the 10mg and $3-4 for the 5-7.5) sad huh? But with both my bf and I doing them, we go through 25-30 pills a day! If tapering helps a little with w/d, how do I do it? Do I take less each dose or do I skip doeses? I think its harder to skip a dose because when I have tried to last longer than 3 hours, my body starts feeling ancy and awful!!!
roxmom, you can do this. i could not taper, i just didnt have it in me. most addicts can not, so dont feel bad about that. i didnt mean to make you cry...i just wanted to motivate you to get clean and stay that way...hiding that dose from your b/f is also addictive behavior...we want to hide everything...lol...you can do this you really can...we are all here to help you...you CAN work through the w/ds....GTMI has a saying..."you will get clean when your desire to be clean is stronger than your desire to be high"....i hope you are there now....can you just say you have the flu and get some family help with the kids? it really is like a bad flu...
For your husband there are a ton of different supplements he can use to battle the fatigue. I used something called "up your gas" to give me energy when I quit using meth many years ago and it seemed to get me all jacked so it felt like I was high. I've been using L-tysonine (not sure about the spelling) but it's seems to work it's part of one of those recipes. I've also heard of people using weight control supplements and lots of red bull. I hope that helps cause for me it was hard to go from poisoning by body to trying to make it healthy and feel better but these aminos work or at least help. Good luck both of you can do it!
Don't beat yourself up about using pills it seems that anyone can get hooked. It makes your everyday easier and you think your doing more and your happier but you pay a price. I've been noticing a lot of professional people use because unlike alcohol and cigarettes you can't really tell that people are high. The real challenge is not the withdrawals it's staying clean so do your research and take something for sleep cause that can really mess you up. It sounds like you've got a real battle ahead of you and I wish you the best! If you don't want to hurt take preventative measures and treat yourself better, eat right and lots of baths if you can. Good luck girl!
Actually I already have my baby, he is now 4 months, and THANK GOD he did not have withdrawal when born. I thank the Lord everyday for that! My boyfriend wants out too, he tells me everyday that he wishes to quit, but he says he cant go to work without them, because he will fall asleep, he says they help him while driving, he is a truck driver and drives for 12 hours every night! (I know this sounds bad, please dont judge) but when we only have the weak ones, he has to constantly pull over to sleep for an hour, cause he is tired. With the pills, he keeps on going and is home by 6am! Its so weird! But he does want to quit, i told him we have to do it together and he is hoping so too. He also is scared of withdrawal, and even though his tolerance is higher than mine, (he takes 3 or 4 pills at a time, and I take 1 1/2) however, he doesnt even know that I take them every 3 hours and he can go at least 4-5. I dont let him know that I take that extra dose, because he will want some, just because I am taking them and then we will go through the bottle like nothing.
Let go of the guilt. Let go of the feeling bad. Get strong and get clean. Take all that anger towards yourself and your life and try to focus it on getting through detox and staying clean. Easier said than done, I know. .but many have and you can too. Your not stupid nor are you a bad person.. some of the kindest and most brilliant people Ive ever met have been or are addicts... you are admitting your problem and thats a big step.. you can do this!
Hi there.. I am so sorry for your situation.. Reading your post gave me chills and brought a metallic taste to my mouth as I can so so vividly remember that PANIC like it was yesterday.. running out.. unable to even think about the idea of doing withdrawal with a family and a job to deal with.. It so hard.. BUT there is a way out.. (Girl you have 5 babies-- you can deal with withdrawal (lol)).. seriously though, dont be afraid of it... just face it head on.. it wont kill you and your in a good spot now that your on the 5mgs.. there is unfortunately NO miracle.. believe me if there was I would have found it.. in fact thought I did at one point (with sub but thats a whole difference story).. bottom line, the way out is within you..dig deep and find the strength and just do it. On day 6 or 7 you will be SO Happy you did and the sense of FREEDOM that comes when your no longer chasing is undescribable. You can do it... best of luck and take care.
Hey there, believe me I understand. I was coming here to post that today I have been exactly one week clean and then I saw your post and my heart went out to you. I was exactly where you are now about 5 days ago. (by the way....HOLY MOLY...$1000 a week? what the heck to they charge on the streets for pills where you live??? eeee gads!) Okay, sorry I had to ask that. ANYWAY.....yes w/d suck. A few days ago I was climbing the walls. Chills, goosebumps(I really hate those), runny nose, panic....you know the drill. BUT....the good news is...it really only lasts 4-5 days, sweetie. Honestly, I wouldn't lie to you. I was at a 25+ a day norco habit for over 3 years----so my body was just as addicted to opiates as yours is. 4-5 days really isn't that long. Yes, you will suffer, but it DOES stop. And by day SEVEN (where I am today) I feel SOOOO much better....actually.....I feel fine. YOU CAN DO IT, you won't die, you won't seize or convulse, you'll just be miserable but it can be done. I didn't think I could, either but I did. The mind is a funny thing, too because NOW the thought of a pill nauseates me. lol---imagine that. If you really don't think you can do it c/t, there is a thomas recipe that helps alot of people, its on this forum someplace. search it. Also-----you know you can go see a doc and get suboxone or methadone....but in MY OPINION (like I said, this is my opinion, some may disagree and that's fine) I think its just trading one addiction for another.....and unlike opiates, methadone CANNOT be stopped c/t after long-term use, and can cause death. I would still say to try and do it c/t. In one week you will feel so much better. I hope some of this helped.
"your kiddos deserve to have a clean and healthy momma." -- OMG! This part of your message really made me cry right now! I cant believe how bad this hurts! Why cant someone just slap me and tell me how stupid I am!!! I feel like ****! My kids need me everyday and I love them so much! Why cant i stop this FOR THEM? I wish I would have NEVER took one. I am not a type of person who you would EVER think would take drugs. I have never even smoked a damn cigarette! My whole family says Im the "innocent one", never have done anything wrong. (if they only knew huh) I am a smart woman with a great family, Im the one in my entire family that everyone knows to take great care of my kids and family!!! How can I be sick and down for 10 days and take care of my little baby and a two year old and work? I wish I could taper down,,, But every month I tell myself that I will start! Buy once I fill that script, man, its like happiness all over again!
Well it sounds like your partially there! Keep going for your family! You shouldn't be so afraid of the withdrawals and if you are you should try and start with the amino acid protocol and thomas recipe to aid withdrawals and invest in your health for your family. Your mind will be clear in like 5 days or so and then you see that you weren't holding it together the way you may think you are. Your numb even though your not high and missing out on life. I'm not sure if your man will quite but you need to worry about yourself. Anyone who isn't supportive you must stay away from as much as possible. Good luck and keep coming back here for support because you really don't want your unborn baby to have to battle withdrawals on her own and I hear oxy is pretty dam close to heroin...
hi, glad you are back. there is no miracle for the w/ds. it is a part of opiate addiction. the good part is it last only about 10 days if you stick with it. the mental part is actually much harder for me. i was on oxy and snorted about 240 mgs a day. i quit c/t and didnt miss any work. it was not easy, i didnt feel like working but i made it and you can too if you really want it bad enough. your kiddos deserve to have a clean and healthy momma. make a plan and stick with it. i quit on a wed and went to work on thurs and fri. was off the weekend and those were my worst days....you can do this...if i can i know you can.
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