Feeling really bad

[Pat1956100]

I don't know why I am feeling so bad and now having anxiety so soon.  I know day 1 was nothing like this when I went through it a few weeks ago.
How am I going to make it to day 3 when I am falling apart on day 1?

[smiles4eva]

Now check our inbox :)
Hope you are doing okay.  I am gonna start tomorrow so we can do this together.

[whoa1]

Just having the Ativan on hand will probably make you feel better.  As for me, I know I will need some kind of benzo @ total W/D..I am prone to panic attacks anyway.  Right now, I'm tapering down & getting ready to jump off once again.  I come here to get my determination & strength built up.

[Sonrissa]

I know Minn! If we don't start marketing this stuff, someone is gonna steal our ideas! I'm off to make my Secret Detoxers dinner! Don't feel much like eating, but cooking does take my mind off things!

[minn66]

I like that kit! Can I order one? There are some very creative people here. These ideas need to be marketed!

[Sonrissa]

Pat, my secret Detoxers survival kit includes several pieces of Hershey's special dark chocolate, a trashy romance novel, and cups of calming herbal tea! I swear for some reason the dark chocolate really helped my mood! I got lost in the novel and the tea just made things better for a while! Hang in there girl! I'm sending good thoughts and prayers! One step at a time sweetie, we will make it!

[ribs2k]

Oh thank goodness. 2 1mg pils knock me out. I hop it works for you. I am sure it will. so glad it got there.

[Dixiechick72]

Glad to hear you're calmer!!! Hang in there. We can and will do this. I've been getting waves of emotions but I'm hanging in there. So can u!!! Stay strong

[Pat1956100]

It's here, It's here.  Let the bells ring out and the birdies sing.  I think I may get some sleep.  If this doesn't work, I am going to land in a hospital and demand a room with a view.  I think it will though. I have been through worse and it helped very much.

[ribs2k]

Hi again Pat.
Was thinking about you all day. I am glad you are a little calmer now. I really hope the Ativan gets there soon, it doesnt fix anything but definately helps you relax. You have been through so much and are so strong from that. Finishing off this addiction is tough but I know you can do it. Perservere and keep talking.
Love Randy

[Pat1956100]

I really believe I have it this time. If I address the anxiety issue then there shouldn't be a problem that I can't handle.  This has been 2 months of hell and just shoot me with one of my make believe guns if I ever take another opiate.
Thanks for believing in me.

[Pat1956100]

There's nothing in my inbox Eva.

[minn66]

You are NOT a big suck! You are human and trying to work through one of the hardest things for a person to overcome. You keep getting back on the horse, no matter how many times it bucks you, and that shows determination and strength. I know you want this and believe you will achieve it!

[smiles4eva]

I remember when I first read about your husband and sister.   I think that is why you hold such a big spot in my heart. I just can't imagine.  I missed the one about your bro, I am so sorry!
Check your inbox :)

[Pat1956100]

Thanks Minn and bama.  I can't imagine doing this without this forum.  Everyone has been wonderful and nobody has called me a big suck or anything lke that lol.

[Pat1956100]

haha, I don't have a bath tub.  Can you believe it?  I bought this old house and the bathroom was so tiny I had the tub taken out and put in a big shower stall.  I could probably sit in there and let the water pour over me.
I really miss the tub though.  Big mistake.
You people are amazing and have calmed me down so much.  
Self induced, I wish you were my neighbour too.  Move to Canada lol.
Dark chocolate, now that's a plan.
Eva. I know what you mean about helping your child but I feel guilty for telling my mom about my addiction in the first place. 85 year olds shouldn't have to go through this.  Maybe when I am over there and better I will tell her but she doesn't need to worry anymore than she is already.
My brother died at 28 from an aortic aneurysm and my sister died 5 months after my husband from ovarian cancer so I just don't want to put any more stress on her.  I am lucky to still have her and i also have a brother and two sister still living but all out of town.  And my son, who lives out of town.  Thanks so much for your concern.

[bama88]

Hi pat ....im following along. Your doing terrific. Lol.  I wish you all the best.  I'm at work but following your RECOVERY

[minn66]

Hi Pat, I'm home from work now. Made it through another day. Lol, it's like taking the wd day by day ;) I know how the anxiety attacks get. It is almost like a virus that keeps spreading once you get it. I hope your meds get there soon. I am glad that you are doing a little better now. Maybe you are further along in the wd and you'll start noticing a bit more improvement.

Big hugs,

Minn

[smiles4eva]

Hang in there Pat!  Love your brain and serenade your brain! The book I am reading says music is helpful in recovery not just listening but singing.  Keep writing your own songs and sing away, cry, scream, laugh,  whatever it takes!  Dont think about tonight or tomorrow, stay in the present!  
Just wanted to add as a mother, I don't care if i was 105 years old, I would always want to help my child and be there for him in his time of need, no matter what.  It was so hard telling my parents I relapsed but they love me and support me no matter what.  You and your Mom are close right?  I think it is harder on you not telling her.  Maybe you could write her a letter?  I am sending you lots of strength and positive thoughts.  Talk positive to yourself and stay proud!  Hope you get some sleep soon!  Hugs :)

[Sonrissa]

Hi Pat! Two words:  Dark Chocolate!

[selfinduced]

Wish I were your neighbor, I'd go get your meds. Don't forget hot baths.

[Pat1956100]

Thanks hun.  I am much calmer but still feel like crap.  Hoping to get some sleep soon.  I know I will be feeling better in 48 hours so I can do this.
One hour at a time.  Very surprised at how sick I feel on day 1 but I have been withdrawing off and on for 2 months now so maybe my body has just had enough and it is screaming at me.
I had a much more positive attitude when I started this but I just don't have any strength left.  
Stay strong and get er done the first time.  You will be so happy you did.

[Dixiechick72]

Hey pat how are u hanging in There??? Hope all is well I'm thinking good thoughts for u

[Pat1956100]

No I haven't taken any for months.  Panic attacks are weird.  Once you have one then you seem to have more and more. You have a fear of getting them which leads to getting them lol.
This one came out of the blue.  I think it was because I was feeling so sick physically and wasn't prepared to feel so sick so soon.
I had one of those day 3 waves and I just freaked out.
I also get them when I go a long time without sleep and I didn't get any sleep last night and none today.
I just wish the drug store would deliver the damn stuff so I can relax and try and sleep.

[akitagurl12]

it doesn't sound like u are on very much & I have no experience with it, but do u think the ativan could be causing anxiety?  I know xanax turned on me & now causes me way more anxiety then i ever had before.  I think.  I have been self- medicating for so long I guess I don't really know.  You sound like u are hanging on, and sometimes thats all we can do.  Double Sigh..... :)