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Help...vicodin addiction. I am scared
I hit the submit a question button and froze for a few minutes. I froze because I am scared to death. I have never admitted to anyone that I may have a problem. well...here goes..
I am an addict. I am scared to death. I live a secret life of stealing prescription pills from family members....faking illnesses...lying to everyone.
I started with pain...then it became recreational. I loved the high. i would start to worry about something - so i popped a pill. i was bored...i popped a pill. pretty soon i didn't need an excuse...i just needed....and needed...and needed.
It has never gone past vicodin...i won't let it..that was always my pat on the back..i'm not that bad. Well it is bad. I feel hopeless and helpless.
I went from a very social person to one who never wants to talk to anyone. I don't feel like talking...if I do - I pop a pill and then talk. has anyone else done that?
I am a stay at home mom....boredom was prevalent..so I took a pill to feel better. I just don't want to do this. I just want to tell someone ...reach out for help..just so scared of what life would be like without these pills. I have 6 left...i refuse to get anymore - but I want more. I want help. can someone please tell me this can be done...it can be done at home and that life does get better....please.
I am an addict. I am scared to death. I live a secret life of stealing prescription pills from family members....faking illnesses...lying to everyone.
I started with pain...then it became recreational. I loved the high. i would start to worry about something - so i popped a pill. i was bored...i popped a pill. pretty soon i didn't need an excuse...i just needed....and needed...and needed.
It has never gone past vicodin...i won't let it..that was always my pat on the back..i'm not that bad. Well it is bad. I feel hopeless and helpless.
I went from a very social person to one who never wants to talk to anyone. I don't feel like talking...if I do - I pop a pill and then talk. has anyone else done that?
I am a stay at home mom....boredom was prevalent..so I took a pill to feel better. I just don't want to do this. I just want to tell someone ...reach out for help..just so scared of what life would be like without these pills. I have 6 left...i refuse to get anymore - but I want more. I want help. can someone please tell me this can be done...it can be done at home and that life does get better....please.
I cannot begin to tell each one of you how very blessed I feel to hear your input. Its an amazing feeling to reach out for help - feeling so low about yourself and have total strangers lift you up and give you the courage to go on...I really wish I could come up with the right words to tell you what that means to me....thank you...I don't know any of you - yet I feel a bond of friendship. Thank you. I can say that you saved my life and have made me cry..happy tears, I never knew there were people out there who would "know me" without truly knowing me...but you do,
Thank you for your words of wisdom, your hope...your support.
I am o'n my 3rd day. It is hard. I have stayed in bed - watched movies. I am really scared about tomorrow since the daytime is the hardest for me. I am going to go to an NA meeting. Hearing your stories of hope helps me to keep going.
I guess the saying is true...you're only as sick as your secrets. Thanks for listening to mine...
Thank you for your words of wisdom, your hope...your support.
I am o'n my 3rd day. It is hard. I have stayed in bed - watched movies. I am really scared about tomorrow since the daytime is the hardest for me. I am going to go to an NA meeting. Hearing your stories of hope helps me to keep going.
I guess the saying is true...you're only as sick as your secrets. Thanks for listening to mine...
Well this is the second darn post today that has made me cry!! I also have your exact experience I have 4 kids under 12 and started using recreationally when my husband got a script for his back. I started for the same reasons as you, bored, and we had quit drinking and vicodin made me feel social again, that is until it stopped doing that and I found myself being a gross mom on the couch and lazy!!! My husband and I quit together that helped a lot. I am on day 90 almost and let me tell you the first couple days were tough I pretty much stayed home and made sure I had no commitments to attend to. It is better without the pills, I wake up in the morning NORMAL and I love that, I can get the kids ready for school without waiting for the pill to kick in. I can go to any function I want and not panic because I am scared I wont have enough pills to get through the event. Its still tought o get going but i am hoping to join a gym with my tax return, oh and the money will actually go tot he kids not to pills cant wait for that. There are so many good things that you have forgotten and when they start coming back little by little you will be amazed it lifts such a wieght off your chest that you probably didnt even know was dragging you down so bad. There are days when I think hmmm just one wouldnt hurt but no way it is so not worth it I will not got hrough all that nonsense again once i a lifetime is enough for me!!
Hang in there you can do this. As for the kids seeing you like this just tell them you are sick, kids are so resiliant you will be amazed maybe they will even make you breakfast in bed, watch a movie with them or do some other relaxing thing. to kill time I actually took all four of mine to the grocery store right in the middle of full blown feeling like crap it was rough but it did make me feel better, like I CAN do this.
Good luck and I will be thinking of you!! Post often it helps a ton!!
Hang in there you can do this. As for the kids seeing you like this just tell them you are sick, kids are so resiliant you will be amazed maybe they will even make you breakfast in bed, watch a movie with them or do some other relaxing thing. to kill time I actually took all four of mine to the grocery store right in the middle of full blown feeling like crap it was rough but it did make me feel better, like I CAN do this.
Good luck and I will be thinking of you!! Post often it helps a ton!!
Your story is very similar to mine. I am also a stay at home mom with a addiction to vicodin. But, let me tell you..you can get clean. Today is 11 days clean for me! And it feels so good. Day 3-6 were very tough, but if you just fight one minute at a time, it does get better. It takes time to get your energy back, but it does come back.
You can do this, you seedling this!! Set a goal for something fun you want to do, & that will help you focus. What about going to the library and getting some movies and books? That will help with the boredom. I like to do crafts. It keeps my mind and hands busy.
One of the greatest feelings of beige sober, is I laugh!!! I use to watch tv with my husband and he'd laugh and I'd roll my eyes. Now I feel real emotions so I laugh and it's GREAT! sober is way better. I still battle my medical conditions, but I use alteritives now. My meds were coveredby insurance, and now I have to pay for alterinive therapies, but those are healthy reliefs for me. I don't need to keep my meds with me at all time, I'm free!!
You will be too!
One of the greatest feelings of beige sober, is I laugh!!! I use to watch tv with my husband and he'd laugh and I'd roll my eyes. Now I feel real emotions so I laugh and it's GREAT! sober is way better. I still battle my medical conditions, but I use alteritives now. My meds were coveredby insurance, and now I have to pay for alterinive therapies, but those are healthy reliefs for me. I don't need to keep my meds with me at all time, I'm free!!
You will be too!
i did it. I told my husband. it was hard. the few pills that I kept for just in case were flushed down the toilet. I wasn't going to tell him. But I did. It does feel good - but I am afraid of living without..feeling like nothing. I crave the taste of one more high.
So my question is - how do I know it will be better sober. What is it like for you being sober. what do you do when you are getting ready to go someplace and just want that one pill to get you through. Does that go away? How am I going to feel without that drug high.
So my question is - how do I know it will be better sober. What is it like for you being sober. what do you do when you are getting ready to go someplace and just want that one pill to get you through. Does that go away? How am I going to feel without that drug high.
I'm glad you made the decision to quit. Yes it is extrememly tough the first couple of weeks so remember to just take it one day at a time. Physical withdrawals are nothing compared to mental cravings. It's good to try and keep your mind busy because obsessing will lead to relapse quite quickly.
I must have quit 100 times and each time had the same result. I would lay around feeling sorry for myself, had no energy or drive to do anything, and I relapsed every time cause I just wouldn't change my behaviours.
Try and make a list of relapse triggers. For instance it could be something like having something to do and very little time to do it. You think well if I had a few pills in me I could get this done in no time plus anything else. I always felt well how could I do anything if I'm always tired and feel like crap. I realized alot of the time, projects were half completed or not done right. Being clear-headed will allow us to pay attention to detail. Remember to achieve permanent sobriety, we have to change our behaviour. The desire to stay clean must be stronger than the desire to use. If we put the same effort into staying clean that we did obtaining our drugs of choice, then sobriety is a piece of cake.
I know your hurting, and probably depressed, but try and remain patient. You didn't get addicted over night, and it will take some time for your body and brain to heal. Take it one day at a time. Just stay sober today and worry about tomorrow when it gets here. You can do it!
I must have quit 100 times and each time had the same result. I would lay around feeling sorry for myself, had no energy or drive to do anything, and I relapsed every time cause I just wouldn't change my behaviours.
Try and make a list of relapse triggers. For instance it could be something like having something to do and very little time to do it. You think well if I had a few pills in me I could get this done in no time plus anything else. I always felt well how could I do anything if I'm always tired and feel like crap. I realized alot of the time, projects were half completed or not done right. Being clear-headed will allow us to pay attention to detail. Remember to achieve permanent sobriety, we have to change our behaviour. The desire to stay clean must be stronger than the desire to use. If we put the same effort into staying clean that we did obtaining our drugs of choice, then sobriety is a piece of cake.
I know your hurting, and probably depressed, but try and remain patient. You didn't get addicted over night, and it will take some time for your body and brain to heal. Take it one day at a time. Just stay sober today and worry about tomorrow when it gets here. You can do it!
Hi! You are doing the right thing. It may not be easy, but it's the right choice and you being here proves it. The pills make us different people, it's easy to feel like you have lost yourself. They mask so much of your emotions, stop producing so many chemicals in your brain that make you happy and healthy.
It's different for each person, but the physical WDs of being sick with the "flu" tend to be about one week. Days 3-5 are typically the worst. Taking another pill just sets you back to square one. If you have any I would get rid of them. The temptation is great during this part. It may make you happy for a little while, but then comes the dread of this again.
Wanting to stay in bed is pretty true for all, but some excerise is very helpful. Even just walking up and down stairs or around the house.
Keep posting and stay strong. You can do this, it may not seem possible, but it is. You have made your decision, stick with it. You won't regret it.
Gary
It's different for each person, but the physical WDs of being sick with the "flu" tend to be about one week. Days 3-5 are typically the worst. Taking another pill just sets you back to square one. If you have any I would get rid of them. The temptation is great during this part. It may make you happy for a little while, but then comes the dread of this again.
Wanting to stay in bed is pretty true for all, but some excerise is very helpful. Even just walking up and down stairs or around the house.
Keep posting and stay strong. You can do this, it may not seem possible, but it is. You have made your decision, stick with it. You won't regret it.
Gary
COMMUNITY LEADER
The best thing for you right now is to get to the gym. Exercise is so good for us as it gets our natural endorphins working. The pills give us a false sense of security and the longer you are off them you will understand what i am saying. You can do this, you really can. Dig deep and fight for you, you are worth it~~~~~sara
Thank you so much for your input. It made me feel so much better. I was taking 10+ pills a day. Bit has been for the past 12 years...it didn't start that way - but it increased. I am feeling shakey today. I want one so bad. I got the ingredients for the thomas recipe and took it - but still feel like just taking one pill. I went to bed early last night so that I didn't have to think about it. Then this morning got kids off to school and stayed in bed. I have a gym membership but just do not feel like going. I haven't felt like talking to anyone - doing anything. I feel horrible. I just want to crawl back in bed and stay there....I don't want my kids to see me this way. It was easier with the pills because I functioned with them. Its hard to think that there is really a life outside of taking these pills. I don't even know who I am anymore....
Hey, you're certainly not alone. We all have lied, cheated and stole; that is addiction. It has such a grip on our lives that we think that we cannot do without and will go to any lenght to get what we want. May I ask how much you are taking and for how long?
The key to achieve sobriety is much what drives us to be addicted. The desire to stay clean must be higher than the desire to use and you must go to any length to do so. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. We are also powerless over it and you have admitted that as well. You reached out for help. You are doing the right things so far.
Make a decision ( now before later ) to flush the rest of the pills. You might come clean with your husband as well. We cannot do it alone, and by reaching out to him you should have the support and accountability you need. We do need accountability greatly because, as you know, we are masters of manipulation and could convince anyone of any reason to continue using.
There is also outside support if you need it in the form of AA, NA, or proffesional counseling. Treatment centers are also available if you think you need it. Many can detox safely at home, but treatment centers offer a "safe haven" and freedom from outside temptations.
I know you think it's going to be too difficult and you can't do it, but you can! Withdrawals aren't the end of the world and they won't kill you. You may experience flu-like symptoms for a few days, lethargy, restless legs, some depression, and lose some sleep for a couple weeks. Many people use the Thomas Recipe which is available on this page. It has a list of supplements and other aids to make it a little easier. I used Immodium ( opiates block us up so it's only natural that during detox the opposite will happen ) and over the counter sleep aids such as benadryl or nyquil or something like that.
Support for you is always here. If your husband doesn't understand or has questions, feel free to point him here. I or anyone else here will be glad to answer any concerns he may have or you can just let him read the many posts here as they contain numerous experiences that are similar if not mirror yours.
Good luck. We're here for you.
The key to achieve sobriety is much what drives us to be addicted. The desire to stay clean must be higher than the desire to use and you must go to any length to do so. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. We are also powerless over it and you have admitted that as well. You reached out for help. You are doing the right things so far.
Make a decision ( now before later ) to flush the rest of the pills. You might come clean with your husband as well. We cannot do it alone, and by reaching out to him you should have the support and accountability you need. We do need accountability greatly because, as you know, we are masters of manipulation and could convince anyone of any reason to continue using.
There is also outside support if you need it in the form of AA, NA, or proffesional counseling. Treatment centers are also available if you think you need it. Many can detox safely at home, but treatment centers offer a "safe haven" and freedom from outside temptations.
I know you think it's going to be too difficult and you can't do it, but you can! Withdrawals aren't the end of the world and they won't kill you. You may experience flu-like symptoms for a few days, lethargy, restless legs, some depression, and lose some sleep for a couple weeks. Many people use the Thomas Recipe which is available on this page. It has a list of supplements and other aids to make it a little easier. I used Immodium ( opiates block us up so it's only natural that during detox the opposite will happen ) and over the counter sleep aids such as benadryl or nyquil or something like that.
Support for you is always here. If your husband doesn't understand or has questions, feel free to point him here. I or anyone else here will be glad to answer any concerns he may have or you can just let him read the many posts here as they contain numerous experiences that are similar if not mirror yours.
Good luck. We're here for you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome~~
Yes this can be done and life does get better. We understand exactly where you are coming from as we have been there. You have made a huge step in coming forward with your addiction. You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore. We are here to support you. How many do you take a day? You are going to have to cut ties with the ones that have pills. Having available sources is to much of a temptation. Withdrawals are not fun but there are things you can do to make it easier. I am glad you found us and we will be here to support you~~~~sara
Yes this can be done and life does get better. We understand exactly where you are coming from as we have been there. You have made a huge step in coming forward with your addiction. You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore. We are here to support you. How many do you take a day? You are going to have to cut ties with the ones that have pills. Having available sources is to much of a temptation. Withdrawals are not fun but there are things you can do to make it easier. I am glad you found us and we will be here to support you~~~~sara
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Try and remember things you missed during your use. I know we were all superhuman when we first started taking them, but think back to the point where you had to take them to keep from getting sick. Missed appointments, dates with the husband cancelled, and any other thing where your use affected your ability to do something.
I promise you it will get better. You may have to force that smile around the kids and stuff for a little while, and before you know it, it will come naturally.
An exercise you can try is to write down a consequence sheet. List different ways your use has affected different areas of your life. Health, Spirituality, Marriage, Family, Finances, Education, etc. Documenting those things will help you better understand how addiction affects all areas of our lives. You can use that as a reference when the cravings hit and you feel like you can't handle any more.