addicted to pills!

[monkey231]

OK,  I need advice from someone.  My boyfriend and I are both addicted to percs/OCs/Dilodid(however its spelled) and it ruining our lives.  We have to stop and we cant.  I dont know what to do.  We both hate being addicted to this stuff.  I feel like a junky, he feels like a junky, but we cant stop.  I hate it.  Whenever we try to stop we feel like ****.  My legs ache, I get real sweaty, but Im freezing cold, I cant get comfortable, I cant sleep, I cant breath, I get irritable, and I cant function like a normal person.  I just want to be normal again, I want my life back.  I have a son, and I cant be a good mom when Im addicted to pills, and my boyfriend cant be a good dad either.  We're broke because we spend all our money on pills.  Both of us really really really want to stop this.  Someone please help me.  If anyone knows any way to get off of this stuff without feeling like Im going to die, please help me.  This is ruining my life.  I want to be a happy family agian, and we both try so hard.  If we dont stop we're gonna lose our house, our son, and everything else.  My family is the most important thing to me.  I feel like I should be able to just stop for my family, but I cant, and its making me feel like a horrible person, and I dont want to feel like this any more.  Please help me.

[monkey231]

I wanted to answer your questions.  Between my boyfriend and I we probably spend an average of 500 dollars a week on this stuff, we'd spend a lot more but, unfortunently, we know all the right people.  Right now we have 4 Dilaudeds left for the night.  No one knows about this.  My friends wouldnt understand this, my mom was a recovering alcoholic/drug addict, she was the only family mamber I would be able to talk to about this, but she died last may.  That was when all of this started getting out of hand.  I had taken pills from time to time before that, and I hate to admit this, but when she died she had several bottles of OCs and Dilaudeds, and I took them.  At the time I was working at a strip club, the drugs were so easy to access there, and I couldnt get on stage or do anyother aspects of my job sober anyway, so I took so many pills.  Since then its been out of hand.  I probably take on average, 4-7 15 mg Rockocets, 3-4 OC80s, and 7-10 dilaudeds everyday.  I cant go to my family for support, my dad has always been extremely emotionally abusive towards me, and I know it would do more harm then good to tell him.  Besides, I know he'll take my son.  I cant loose my son, I have to stop, I know my son deserves better than this, and I know I can give him the best, I just need to fix this.  I'm not a stripper anymore, I thought when I quit that it would be easy to quit the drugs, but its not.  My son will be 2 in July.  He is my life, I cant loose him, but I also cant allow him to be raised by a drug addict.  Im really scared, please, any help and advice you could give me would be appreciated.  I dont want to do these drugs anymore, but the thought of going through the withdrawl scares the hell out of me.  Im so scared I wont be able to do this.  I need help.  Im so mad at myself for what I'm doing to myself and my son.  The only reason we even have a place to live is because before I got into this mess, I made a good amount of money, and paid a years rent ahead of time.   Please dont think Im a bad mom, and please dont judge me because I was a stripper, or because Im addicted to pills.  You seem understanding, Im just so ashamed of the person I've become, that Im scared of what other people will think now that you guys know about what really goes on in my life. Please write me back.  Thank you for your support.
-Monkey-

[monkey231]

I didnt think everyone was going to be able to read what I wrote to spacecadette....Now I feel really stupid.  Please dont anybody think Im a bad person for the things I wrote.  I didnt know you would all be able to see it.  I thought it was going to an E-mail or something.  I wish I could delete it, but I dont think I can.  Maybe its best because now everyone knows my story, and maybe you all can help me better now.  Thanks guys for all your support so far.  I wrote the first massage an hour ago and already have gotten a lot of supportive messages from ya'll.  I was very suprised, and am very thankfull.  Again, please dont think Im a bad person for the things I said in that last message.

[deceasedwithin]

no one is here to judge you we all have some serious problems and thats why we are here to try to help each other!

[swtbreezie]

there is no shame here, we all have our crosses to bare. HANG in there you can do this for your son if nothing else, I'd like to see you do it for you then your sone will reap the profits.  It isnt easy but gets easier as time goes by about a week and w/d gets better.  Keep posting.
swtbreezie

[monkey231]

You guys are all so wonderful.  Thanks for your understanding and suport.....I hope I can get better and be able to help people on here the way you are all reaching out to help me.

[swtbreezie]

Hold your head high there is no shame you are doing great!  Keep reading and posting it helps tremendously.
swtbreezie