Vicodin to Oxys to heroin to suboxone

[TRU44]

Ok here goes nothing and everything! Back in 2004 I was ejected out the turret of my crews High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMWV) (M998 Truck) when an improvised explosive device (IED) was set off throwing me roughly about 30-40 feet and really messing up my back. With gods help and some luck that's all that happened . Anyways, when I was transported back to the forward operating base ( fob) I was given 5 little blue pills that would change my life forever. Back then I had never taken a " pain pill" before and didn't think a little blue pill would do anything but was I wrong. I remember it like it was yesterday , it was Super Bowl Sunday 2004 we were all sitting by this broken down tv trying to get it to work so we could watch the game. I took the pill roughly 30 min before kickoff and that's all I remember. I was passed the hell out and stayed out for several hours I guess. That little blue pill was the best thing since sliced bread or so I thought at the time. Fast forward 5 days and I found myself thinking of what I could tell the doc so he could give me more. Obviously he didn't and told me that the pills he had gave me were 30mg oxycodone IR and that they were highly addictive. So later that day I started feeling weird and a little ill but I just thought I was getting sick and it went away in two days. If I knew then what I know now I would have stayed the hell away from them. Fast forward 2 years, my back is still killing me and of course the army prescribed me Vicodin and a lot of them. By now my body is used to the mesds and I have no idea that my body " needs" them. So when I get out of the army and shipped back to my home town the first thing I do is go to the VA hospital so I can get my meds but this time they give me that little blue pill and not just 30 for a month supply but 180!!! At that time all I could think about was how good they made me feel when I first took them. Naturally like everyone does , I take them as prescribed but it wasent long before I was taking them just to get High. Now I'm running out before I should and it's then when I learn that I'm WD from the pills. I couldn't get my meds refilled early so I hit the streets and start paying out of pocket for them. For 9 years I did that until someone told me to smoke a little heroin cuz it would take the WD away. Man I regret listening to that person.yeah it was cheaper yeah it was stronger but it ruined my life and almost ruined my marriage. My wife would find pieces of foil around with black lines going up and down. She asked me what it was and if I was smoking heroin and as any addict would I LIED !!  I told her that I started smoking my pills and that's when the S¥*t hit the fan.  But she stayed with me. That's when things got worse !! Being the addict that I am I took full advantage, cuz I knew she wasent going anywhere. When my cash would run out I would ask her for money when cuz I was sick and turn into someone totally different if she said no. It got so bad that she would give me money so she didn't have to deal with me Turning her into an enabling spouse. There's a lot I'm leaving out but I'm sure u have an idea. Finally one day I looked into her eyes and I no longer saw the woman she once was.  I had literally drained her!! My heart hurt for her ! So that very next day I asked her to take me to the detox center at the VA and leave me there . Unfortunately I relapsed twice since then but the third time I went was the golden number. They have me on 4mg of suboxone once a day and it's working great . I refuse to go any higher cuz for me I would much rather WD from this then the other crap and for me it's not bad. The reason why I posted this is I hope someone will read it and maybe choose to get better cuz they too have hurt those closest to them. And always remember it's never to late to change your life and give the love back to those who have given it to you even when you didn't deserve theres

[Navydoc69]

I'm glad that you were able to finally get back into living life again before you really did permanent damage to yourself or someone else.  I pray that you're able to make a full recovery and eventually get off all medications.  There are allot of new therapies for your type of back pain that don't require addictive medications.  Look up the use of Lidocain infusions for pain control....Good luck brother and God bless....

[KC617]

Suboxone saved me too but just want you to know the WD from Suboxone is not easy either.  Just talk to your Doc about a very slow taper. With each step down after I 2 mg is still very testy. I am still pushing through mine but living life on the side being clean and not having all the craziness that comes with getting a fix is so much better! Keep up the work and work the program it truly helps and it took me a couple of years to work it right!

[SJS49]

Hi and welcome!! Just wanted to add to what Vicki posted...you will be so so amazed at how beautiful life is without pills, and how much you can actually "feel," in terms of feelings and emotions, happy, sad...I am 122 days completely free of pain pills, and I never ever thought I would live life through these clear happy eyes again! It is a tremendous feeling, and I am glad that you are wanting to see what I see also! You have been through enough, you don't want those pills to suck the rest of your life out of you. Around day 20 or 30 ish I think it was, I felt as if I had never ever taken a pain pill in my life and was so happy to be free and back to someone that I thought I had lost 10 years ago when the pills began. Congratulations to you and as always, thank you for your service!

[vicki595]

You've really come full circle and I'm proud of you!  I'm glad you posted here because it's a great support. Can you talk about what else you're doing beside taking Suboxone? What kind of aftercare, program, group etc...Also, 4mg is a good amount to take and not a small amount at all so you're smart not to take more than that.

Thank you for your service, soldier!  V.