I can't quit

[BluntforCex7]

I'm young lets just say that but I was in a car wreck when I was 15 and broke my back and my neck in places. Went through all the medical help and it first  led me to Somas and Vicodin and eventuallly oxy contin and sequil. I waste my life on oxy codone cause i feel like i need it bad ive tried to quit numerous times but ive lost girlfriends friends and even a parent becase of withdrawals.I usually eat anywhere around 160-220 mg of that s a day. Everytime i just relapse worse and wrse  because this time my ex girlfriend balled her eyes out while she took a needle out of my skin and thats thestuff i don't want I never seen this happening i never could have because my brother is a herion addict of 6 years and was finally put in jail and i hated the needle but then once i was under it it seemed like the best rememdy. Its a completely new ball game....I need to find god and soon

[scaredmommy2005]

Start a new Post hun. At the top go to post a question. That way more people can help you. We have great people here and they will be able to give you more advise. Also Hvae you looked up the thomas recipe? It is a life saver for going through withdrawal. you can search for it here on the site.

[chachi0032]

hello, I hurt with trying to get clean with heroin. I am needing support, and feel trapped. Is there anyone out there willing to give me advise to help stop the withdrawls. I am embarrassed and feel like no one cares. I have a 13 year old boy that i need to think of. please, anyone will you tell me how to deal with the withdrawls so I can stop?

[BluntforCex7]

All you mothers out there give me the hope and strive that i need i believe. You women show so much poise and compassion to quit and stay clean and thats what is giving me  my inspiration and i thank all of you so much. I just wish my mother would think like some of ya'll. But yet again All you mothers keep your head up cause your baby will remember how you were  a mom  and if they knew your struggle and the over coming of it they would be damn proud or at least i know i would be. God Bless

[krissi31]

Someone said something on this forum once that I will NEVER forget.

"What happens when you constantly feed a small monkey?'

"It becomes a 700 pound gorilla"

I don't know why , but it has had such an impact on me.  Thats why I say it's OK to ramble... you never know what will hit home for someone!  You never know, you could say something that strikes a cord woth someone and helps them through the rough patches.  

I am a mommy too.  I have 3 beautiful kids, a house and a good job.  I have so much going for me.  I am so scared to look back one day and feel a fool, because I once had it all, and I threw it away.  I'm trying to kick vicodin right now.  
I wish you so much patience and strength!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

[CBS426]

Thanks for responding. My son is 7 years old, and very much aware that his mommy has been sick. I know he's scared to death to see that I'm sick again. I have a really good support coming to visit me tomorrow. It's actually someone that I got clean with down in Florida. I'm so excited, because I find it easier to take the first step with someone by your side. Atleast that's how it is for me. Plus, I'm very ashammed of a lot of my actions. My family is so in dept because they got me the best help out there, and I'm still struggling. I knew that I wouldn't walk out of treatment cured, but I was hopeful that I wouldn't use again. I am very young, and have struggled with opiates since before my son was born. I remember my first detox off of opiates at 18 years old. I remember thinking I'll never do that again. I didnt do it again for a few years later. Each time I've gone back out and relapsed it seems to get worse and worse. Even as an IV user- I don't get that "rush" anymore. I mean nothing compared to what I once got. Even after being clean for 8 months and relapsing... there was a small rush, but I was chasing something that will forever be gone. It's not coming back, and I need to say fare well to my evil friend. I have allowed heroin to become such a part of me. I mean, I took care of this addiction... I fed it, protected it, lied for it, and fought so hard to stay away from it. It truly is a monkey on your back. It latches on, and it wont go away. Even with clean time- I would lay in my bed and fantasize about using. I didnt want to use, because I was proud of how far I'd come, but I would romantisize about it. I have a wonderful supportive mother who at this point has done all she can. I do not want to hurt her anymore. She has been amazing, and never once given up on me. She also does not enable me. She just believes in me. When I first got clean and was out of treatment it was like I was walking in what they call a pink cloud. Everything was working out so nicely. My life was coming back together. Then BOOM that pink cloud went away and I started doing the  "whats the point" thing. I know deep down there is a point. Living life on life's terms. When I was clean I felt like the universe should reward me everyday, because **** I kicked heroin. It didnt accure to me that some days werent going to go the way I wanted. I've got to get real. I've got to get honest. It's not about wanting it or not. I hear everyone say that, but I totally disagree. It's about if I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. The truth is, if I could use dope everyday, and have no consequences, I would. If I would never be dope sick, never have financial problems, never face losing my child, and could just be a junkie with a stellar life... I would 100% do it. That is not possible though. There is no such thing as a successfull dope addict. Maybe in the beginning, but it never lasts. Am I done hurting myself and those I love? Yes I believe I am. I could use any support or advice out there. Now I'm just rambling... I do feel better just getting it out though.

[worried878]

There are several drugs that r relatively safe that your doctor can prescribe to help this not be so hard on you....clonidine helps with the stomach, andxiety and sleep issues, and anti-depresasant can help as well /wellbutrin helps with dopamine which is a NT that many addicts are lacking/smokers as well/i wouldnt recommend snorting it/ i got on lexapro 2 weeks before i quit and stayed on it for a few months afterward...phenergan can help with tummy issues, anxiety and sleep as well plus the runny nose part if u experience that, often people get a benzo for short term use with valium being the one recommended for detox, for energy my doctor prescribed provigil and it helped me alot for energy to work as i have a busy life..drugs like nuerontin or lyrica, muscle relaxers and ibuprophen can help pain patients and are safer than narcotics by far
Have you read the health pages?  Lots of great info there and the thomas recipe helped me alot...and exercise....I also know a positive attitude and meetings helped too

NA-  [phone]
make the call..u r too young to let your life go down the tubes...keep posting

[troubleinohio]

my heart aches for everyone who posted on his thread. Im so sad to hear of someone so young being so badly addicted this early in life....and so sad to read about the mother who wants to be clean for her little boy.  Please use that as your motivation. I cant tell you how insanely good it feels to have a "normal" life again with my two little boys. (had a 3 yr nasty vicodin habbt) Tonight we are once again sleeping in the living room together to keep warm (going down to -7 below zero again) and watch tv and eat popcorn on the air matress and play games. Its sooo cozy and such a fun time for us. I want you to have that with your child too. How old is he? Live for him. Fight for Him. You CAN do this!!!!!!

[jessicagrace]

I just posted my first comment, and then read yours.  I know what you mean I was first prescribed pain medication because of pain.  I had a friend who used it recreationally and showed me that snorting it makes it much stronger.  I am going on two weeks with out anything, and I don't know what to do.  I don't feel like I am getting any better.  All I can do is hope and pray. My pain is so bad right now that I am crying as I type this to you.  I do know that noni helps a lot you can get it at GNC.  I have been snorting welbturin for energy and that seems to help.  There is also a vitamin called night rest that hes natural stuff to help you sleep I know that tossing and turning can be awful. Feel free to email me or whatever even if you just want to talk.

[CBS426]

I've managed to get about 8 months of clean time, and then relapsed. I went to 90 day treatment then moved away to a sober living house. Unfortunately I made the decision to come home, and it's been real hard ever since. I have a son here, and I so desperately wanted to come home and be his mother. I'm sharing him with his father. It's been rough, but I know that I'm strong enough to stay clean... I know I can do it. I need to reach out. It's so hard for me. I have a hard time asking for help. I'm always going to fix it on my own. My intentions are always there, but then I can't do it. I know deep down that na meetings would help me out a lot... now it's actually MAKING myself go to one. I make excuses... it's cold out, there's snow everywhere, I'm tired and just want to be home, etc. There's always an excuse. I sometimes think that that's part of the addiction talking to me. I've tried suboxone. I tried it once on the streets before I was iv using, and then I got a perscription once I was really bad- right before I went to treatment. I wasn't able to take it. It barely took the edge off at that point. Methadone is a route I cannot take. It's just not for me. I need to bite the bullet and follow thru with some serious after care.

[worried878]

I feel for you guys...what have you tried as far as quitting?  Have you tried meetings or any type of aftercare to help out?  getting clean is the easy part in comparison to the work of staying clean....suboxone has helped some heavy userts quit...but if the habit is too high it will not work due to its ceiling effect..the other option is methadone as i am sure u r aware of..i have seen people in my meeting who with a doctors help, tapered down from their IV habit using another narcotic until they reached a point where they could take sub and it would cover the wds...but no maintenence narcotic will not keep u clean unless u r willing to do the work...can mean losing friends that use as the people and things associated with using have to go from ur life...i wish u the best and what is ur game plan?  what can u do differently this time around?

[CBS426]

I know how you feel... I'm a heroin addict, and I know what you mean about a completely new ball game when it comes to the needle. Not only are you addicted to the drug, but also the needle. It's so hard. God to I know how  you feel. Just thought I would let  you know that you're not alone.