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31 Days Clean from Oxy! My experience so far...
Hello!
I just wanted to post up my experience so far in terms of my recovery and addiction. I'm sure some of you have read my posts months and months ago but might not remeber. Feel free to check out my post history and read them. I've posted up here during TWO attemps at quitting oxycontin and have struggled in quitting a few more attemps on my own that I did not post up during. I'm not sure really where to start as this is quite a long story! This may end up being a long post.
I first started doing OC last Summer in June. I am a 22 year old male currently, was 21 then. Just as many of us started out I had never had any real addiction problems and NEVER thought I would end up where I was a month ago. As time went on I started doing it more regularly with new using friends I met and honestly fell in love with it. I loved the feeling it gave me. At this point I was only doing about 40MG a day if that. When I would see people buy multiple 80's off my dealer I was so confused as to how they needed that much. This just shows how oblivious I was as to what I was getting into...
Fast forward a few months late to November and I had been a daily user for months..since July or so. I was only doing about 1.5 80s @ this point (I know that is alot..but I progressed to more). It's interesting because at that point I thought my problem was bad but it was nowhere NEAR how much more I was going to endure. The serious mental obsession is there but not "full blown" to say. Come December I went on vacation with my family to latin america and said that was my time to quit. Came back to the US with 14 days having just experienced my first attempt at cold turkey. I felt amazing while gone and was SO HAPPY to be clean but being the addict I am within two days of being home I was using again.
About another 1.5 months went on and I made another go at it. At that point I was snorting 160MG consistently. The addiction was running me completely. All I cared about was getting high, going to work, and getting high after work and that was my life. That's BEEN my life for the past 15 months. I did the same thing again..cold turkey..detoxed my *** off..got to 17 days and got a HARD craving and just caved in. This time I Thought would be different since I was quitting at home and not out of my using environment. It was MUCH harder but still I messed it up once again. The more times you quit and fail the harder it gets to stop. I can say that for sure.
It's now about March and I'm using again. I'm up to 240MG snorting daily. ALL my money is going to feed this addiction and it became all I cared about. Come June and I'm now up to snorting 320 MG EVERY DAY. Pretty big habit to say the least. The summer just flew by as all the other months had. At this point using became no longer fun though. I would say this was the start of my bottom. I was so sick of living the life I was living. I was lying to everybody and all I did was "live to get high". That was it. wake up, get high before work for two hours, work, get home and get high and go to bed. Two 80s' before work and two after.
Fast forward to my last day using. The last few days I was so sick of it ALL. I put a plan together to tell my dad what was going on. I live @ home and live with just my dad. Also have a younger brother home for the summer before he starts college. I sat him down and told him EVERYTHING. No more skeletons in the closet.
Being that my post title is 31 days clean that is where I'm at today. I am seeing an addiction specialist/therapist twice a week, getting drug tested, and attending AA. I can honestly say at this point that without AA I dont' think I could have made it this far. I chose AA due to knowing a few kids who had gotten sober and personally have just heard of better things coming out of AA. The program works for us regardless of whether we struggle with drugs OR alcohol. I haven't had any problems with people not accpting me due to my DOC being opiates. I've been to 31 meetings in 31 days, have a sponsor, and am reading the book. There is literally just so much support it's amazing.
To those of you who are in your first few days you CAN do this and there IS hope. Just having a month at this point my mental state of mind is so different. It's hard to imagine when your'e sitting there withdrawing that there is hope and that you will feel better at some point. I also went cold turkey with the help of some ativan and clonodine from my doctor. The ativan helped a TON the first few days to just relax me and help me get some sleep at night. Anyway there is a ton more I'd like to say but I'll wait to chime in later. I have been lurking here all month reading posts every day and just wanted to finally post up. I just got my 30 days chip tonight and am amazed at where I'm at. Aftercare is VITAL to this. So many people get so worked up over the withdrawals that they don't know what they're in for afterward. I used to say all I needed to do was detox and I'd be ok. At this point I'd almost say the withdrawals are the easy part. Dealing with your addiction and learning how to re-live your life are what lay ahead of all of us. It hasn't been easy but it's ONE DAY AT A TIME. Just get through this day and deal with tomorrow when it comes. I hope in something I've said somebody here will get something out of it!
I just wanted to post up my experience so far in terms of my recovery and addiction. I'm sure some of you have read my posts months and months ago but might not remeber. Feel free to check out my post history and read them. I've posted up here during TWO attemps at quitting oxycontin and have struggled in quitting a few more attemps on my own that I did not post up during. I'm not sure really where to start as this is quite a long story! This may end up being a long post.
I first started doing OC last Summer in June. I am a 22 year old male currently, was 21 then. Just as many of us started out I had never had any real addiction problems and NEVER thought I would end up where I was a month ago. As time went on I started doing it more regularly with new using friends I met and honestly fell in love with it. I loved the feeling it gave me. At this point I was only doing about 40MG a day if that. When I would see people buy multiple 80's off my dealer I was so confused as to how they needed that much. This just shows how oblivious I was as to what I was getting into...
Fast forward a few months late to November and I had been a daily user for months..since July or so. I was only doing about 1.5 80s @ this point (I know that is alot..but I progressed to more). It's interesting because at that point I thought my problem was bad but it was nowhere NEAR how much more I was going to endure. The serious mental obsession is there but not "full blown" to say. Come December I went on vacation with my family to latin america and said that was my time to quit. Came back to the US with 14 days having just experienced my first attempt at cold turkey. I felt amazing while gone and was SO HAPPY to be clean but being the addict I am within two days of being home I was using again.
About another 1.5 months went on and I made another go at it. At that point I was snorting 160MG consistently. The addiction was running me completely. All I cared about was getting high, going to work, and getting high after work and that was my life. That's BEEN my life for the past 15 months. I did the same thing again..cold turkey..detoxed my *** off..got to 17 days and got a HARD craving and just caved in. This time I Thought would be different since I was quitting at home and not out of my using environment. It was MUCH harder but still I messed it up once again. The more times you quit and fail the harder it gets to stop. I can say that for sure.
It's now about March and I'm using again. I'm up to 240MG snorting daily. ALL my money is going to feed this addiction and it became all I cared about. Come June and I'm now up to snorting 320 MG EVERY DAY. Pretty big habit to say the least. The summer just flew by as all the other months had. At this point using became no longer fun though. I would say this was the start of my bottom. I was so sick of living the life I was living. I was lying to everybody and all I did was "live to get high". That was it. wake up, get high before work for two hours, work, get home and get high and go to bed. Two 80s' before work and two after.
Fast forward to my last day using. The last few days I was so sick of it ALL. I put a plan together to tell my dad what was going on. I live @ home and live with just my dad. Also have a younger brother home for the summer before he starts college. I sat him down and told him EVERYTHING. No more skeletons in the closet.
Being that my post title is 31 days clean that is where I'm at today. I am seeing an addiction specialist/therapist twice a week, getting drug tested, and attending AA. I can honestly say at this point that without AA I dont' think I could have made it this far. I chose AA due to knowing a few kids who had gotten sober and personally have just heard of better things coming out of AA. The program works for us regardless of whether we struggle with drugs OR alcohol. I haven't had any problems with people not accpting me due to my DOC being opiates. I've been to 31 meetings in 31 days, have a sponsor, and am reading the book. There is literally just so much support it's amazing.
To those of you who are in your first few days you CAN do this and there IS hope. Just having a month at this point my mental state of mind is so different. It's hard to imagine when your'e sitting there withdrawing that there is hope and that you will feel better at some point. I also went cold turkey with the help of some ativan and clonodine from my doctor. The ativan helped a TON the first few days to just relax me and help me get some sleep at night. Anyway there is a ton more I'd like to say but I'll wait to chime in later. I have been lurking here all month reading posts every day and just wanted to finally post up. I just got my 30 days chip tonight and am amazed at where I'm at. Aftercare is VITAL to this. So many people get so worked up over the withdrawals that they don't know what they're in for afterward. I used to say all I needed to do was detox and I'd be ok. At this point I'd almost say the withdrawals are the easy part. Dealing with your addiction and learning how to re-live your life are what lay ahead of all of us. It hasn't been easy but it's ONE DAY AT A TIME. Just get through this day and deal with tomorrow when it comes. I hope in something I've said somebody here will get something out of it!
Thank you for sharing your story. Very insightful for such a young age. Keep up all your hard work and never go back. Congrats!!!
good job, we have seen the story and we all have lived it. I must have gone CT 20 times, and brainlessly went back to the pills over and over. some times you gotta get kicked in the face many times before you wake up.
and yes, sandy........we soon discover how gassed up we were, and how beautiful life is with out ANY opioids. to be normal,to wake up refreshed, to be able to break a toe without being in agony
that 800 pound gorilla is a bear to shake, but when we do its very satisfying :]
and yes, sandy........we soon discover how gassed up we were, and how beautiful life is with out ANY opioids. to be normal,to wake up refreshed, to be able to break a toe without being in agony
that 800 pound gorilla is a bear to shake, but when we do its very satisfying :]
You are SOOO well versed AND said it SOOOO WELL... "smell the Autumn leaves" "sense of taste"... KEEP YOUR CUP HALF FULL" You should publish a book! Thanks for your insight and "words of wisdom" as we all know on this ROAD TO RECOVERY it can be tough... but SOOOO worth it! "FEELINGS AND SENSES"
Oh what A GIFT!
Oh what A GIFT!
What an amazing and well written story. THANK YOU! I am a week clean from norcos and I feel almost back to normal. I got rid of an oxy habit last spring, and boy were those buggers tough to get out of the system, so JOB WELL DONE.
What we have to keep remembering during healing POST withdrawal, after you go thru the physical hell, is meditate on why life is better without pills. Your senses come back....sometimes thats frightening as everything is so bright its almost scary.....but then there is the great side of this, your soul comes back, your sex drive, sense of taste.....Sure, bumping your head hurts worse than ever, but the smell of Autumn leaves is also better than ever. Keep the cup half full. Feel that real energy. WOW....I CANNOT WAIT TO LAUGH AGAIN....FER REALS.....None of this half a** fakey laffs that came out of me when using pain killers. Pain killers are mojo killers.
Again thanks for the VERY well written story!!! BIG LOVE
What we have to keep remembering during healing POST withdrawal, after you go thru the physical hell, is meditate on why life is better without pills. Your senses come back....sometimes thats frightening as everything is so bright its almost scary.....but then there is the great side of this, your soul comes back, your sex drive, sense of taste.....Sure, bumping your head hurts worse than ever, but the smell of Autumn leaves is also better than ever. Keep the cup half full. Feel that real energy. WOW....I CANNOT WAIT TO LAUGH AGAIN....FER REALS.....None of this half a** fakey laffs that came out of me when using pain killers. Pain killers are mojo killers.
Again thanks for the VERY well written story!!! BIG LOVE
I can relate to you more than anybody else on here..I just finished college 23 year old male..quit last year off of 40-80 mgs per day..just in the last month started to go past 1 80 per day, so sometimes i was doing 160 mg..i am in that stage you were talking about where i was using and not even enjoying it..right now i am doing some vicodin to curb the horrible oxy wd..i know most people dont recommend doing it this way but you just need to trust that i am doing this the right way for me..i am going to do the vicodin for about a week until i feel as though my body is on them rather than yearning for oc..and next week i am housesitting for my parents friends..i will have the entire house to myself and that will be my time to feel ****** and move on with my life..i have a girlfriend that i love more than anything in this world, she doesnt even know i have ever touched oc..and i am going to keep it that way..because that is not the person i am..like you said, i had no idea what i was getting into when i did my first OC.
WOW, congrats on a month clean and it sounds like your really working your recovery now. It makes a big difference! Thanks for sharing your story and keep posting. Well done man.
Slapperman, i love the cool aid man, but get off that pink cloud, haha.
Slapperman, i love the cool aid man, but get off that pink cloud, haha.
I am on day 7 and no sleep for me i have asumed the shape and form of KOOL AID MAN
They should give us a dose of WD before our first OC dose then see if we still take it. I wonder....................
You are KOOL
hey hey hey who wants kool aid
slapper aka joe
meeting 7 tonight time flys when you don't sleep. no wait does it.
They should give us a dose of WD before our first OC dose then see if we still take it. I wonder....................
You are KOOL
hey hey hey who wants kool aid
slapper aka joe
meeting 7 tonight time flys when you don't sleep. no wait does it.
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