Avatar universal


it has aslways seemed to me whenever i used everything in my life would go wrong, when i used  i would get flat tires every week.
when i used i got arrested at least 50 times' for things that i was not even part of doing.
i think they call it murphy's law , well it always had a strangle hold on my life ,whenever i  did drugs.
I somtimes thought it was my father praying for me, so i
would say to him stop praying for me , i crashed my car,
lost my job and broke my ankle  that week.

there is the other side of this story, once i started on the
road of staying clean the oppisite happened, everythin that could go right did, instead of spending my money on drugs,
and buying 5 dollar tires at the junk yard  i, bought sears steel belted raidels and never got a flat agian.
i never got arrested agian, inever lost my job agian,
i got custdy of my kids, ect, ece,
when i got clean and went to meetings it was like i was invisible
to the cops, and invisible to bad things coming my way.

i am writing this because  cincee posted that the only na meeting she could find was i the bad lands,in her town
and she would not go there unarmed, well my experence
has always been ,whenever we make that effort or surrender to
go to meetings , we seem to be invisible to trouble.
i grew up in the bad lands in philly so i understand her concern.
when ever i went back to the badlands to start meetings
or attend them i was a little leary but nothing ever happened.
CINCEE -call the na hotlone and ask , there are a lot of meetings not listed , talk to smeone sbout ,in your area.
111 Responses
Avatar universal
I think you hit on a crucial point--accaptance..  It seems like there's always a sliver of denial lurking in the wings; as if it's possible (or even nicer) to think of oneself as "pretty much a drug addict, but not TOTAL, don't cha see..."  But that doesn't account for the fact that I am skeptical about the Promises.  I do service work--I've led tons of meetings and made coffee/ran shopping errands/brought treats to my home group meetings.  That's where I met my sponsor and all the attendees know me very well. They are wonderful to me--I feel safest when I'm there, and know that out of all the people in my life, these people REALLY DO care about me or will do anything if I have a problem.  And I relish that.  Since I went back to work I don't make as many meetings--usually a couple a week, plus once w/ my professional group (which is just like a meeting) and twice a month w/ my drug counselor.  So I try to be involved.  I think I should just be PATIENT.  How can I expect that, after all my years of drug abuse (3-4) that my head will get straightened out in a few months??  See--I can be lucid at times!!LOL  Thanks for your wise words------Peaz
Avatar universal
Will,you be my friend?Please pick me for your team? lol im in a fog,forgot how you said you were doing today......oh yeah not at your best huh?It will get better!It has too.i hope your day gets better.

52704 tn?1387020797
Day 8.  Doing well physically -- somewhat overwhelmed with work.  But, despite moments where I have to literally stop and "just breath," at least I'm taking bites out of *this* elephant.  No doubt better than feeding it with a stress-free-hydro-smile that allows work to be blissfully ignored.

Finally got some L-Tyrosine late yesteray -  seems to make a big difference.

Reading all posts and taking alot from them, but suspect I will be adding little myself today.

Wishing well for all,

Avatar universal
Actually, I'm doing well today.  I had an "off" day yesterday, but am feelin' pretty chipper today.  ("I got a peazful, easy feelin'".....Eagles)  (That's for you, Jess)  Anywho--I got my workout in so my endorphins have kicked in.  I meet w/ my professional group later today so I'm looking forward to that.  We've been together for a long time, and almost feel like family.  It's kinda like an AA meeting, but more psychological, I guess. It gives me hope to see that there are addicts like me who overcome the adversity and go on to get their jobs and lives back and are HAPPY!!  I always feel like a million bucks when I leave there.  
Didn't you make a comment about a dental app't and a shrink today?  Do you like your therapist?  Do you find it helpful?  My first counselor was okay, but I felt we were kinda "hedging" and not really DELVING into **** that I needed to resolve.  So I switched, and have learned more about myself in the past two months than I did in seven months w/ the former one.   You have a great attitude and demeanor,kiddo--it's always uplifting to read your posts.  So yeah, you can be on my team.......L0L  Peaz
Avatar universal
Hey, I wanna play, too.
Avatar universal
Ok ,you made the team lol just don't kick me off when I wont play fair.......And dont forget to hide the good china!

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