Why does life just seem so meaningless?

[daretodream]

Today is 11 days clean. And honestly this week has literally been the most emotional and stressful week of my life. Everything is just falling apart..when I was taking the pills nothing else mattered, now my life is just falling apart. Loosing the closest people in my life, finding out my moms cancer has come back. I don't know how I'm going to do this. All i can think about is how everything seemed so much easier when I was taking the pills..I don't know if i'll be able to do this. The cravings have just been so bad! When will this end? I can't take much more of this.. I'm so lost.

[daretodream]

Thank you. Yeah i've really been thinking about this for the last couple of days and realize the only way were both going to get through this is if i'm sober and she stays strong! Always have to remember that even though all this is happening now doesn't mean everything wont be fine a few months from now. I have been working out a lot more and been trying to keep a good diet. Thank you I really appreciate your words of advice!

[tingtongtom]

I hope that she gets well soon D2D. I am pretty sure that a lot of things in life are down to mental and conscious states of mind. The best way for you to help your mother would be to be there for her, sober, and to be positive. I have a friend with leukemia and she is so so strong minded. She is always smiling and laughing, never really depressed or down and she is getting through it.

It is handy to keep in mind that everything is transient in life, nothing ever stays the same is in constant change. You will not be in this position in your life now forever. Maybe a few months down the line, a year or a few years, however long, you will be able to look back and smile.
Of course everything is easy whilst on pills, well it seems easy but you are just numb. This will be of no help to your mother if you are numb. Get past the cravings and you will be on the home straight. What really helps me is regular exercise and a good diet, this makes you feel better about yourself, gives you a sense of being clean and healthy mentally and physically and will fill the void for a while.

Best of luck, Tom

[daretodream]

Thank you all for showing your support! It's really appreciated! I made it this far already and even though today hasn't been good either..I just have to take it day by day. My moms cancer has come back a few times now, she has stage 2 bone cancer. And is getting chemo and radiation every week. I have been trying to be there for her as much as possible. It's just hard because I have so much going on with me and worrying about myself and now I'm worrying so much about her untop of all the other stress. It's just been like a never ending roller coaster.

I see now that the pills would just cover up the pain temporarily, even though no matter what I did or took it would still be there. And then once I had stopped taking them all the emotional and physical pain just got thrown onto me and I wasn't expecting it. I am going to try and get into some aftercare. Hopefully that will help.


I Thank all of you for your support!! Reading your comments really makes me stronger and it reminds me why I'm still doing this! So thank you!

[vicki595]

Hi-- I know I've said this before but you need to talk with someone!!   Talk to your coach.
What about other family members??   You can't do this all by yourself...you're so young and still growing!!

What is going on with your Mom? Is she in treatment?  Are you helping her and spending time with her as much as you can?

Pills are never the answer,as you already know. I have to insist you get an appt. with the family doctor. Get a good check up. And talk with him/her. It's important to the rest of your life!

[tingtongtom]

I am very sad to hear of your mums cancer returning, but it went away once before, it can go away once again :) I deeply hope it will. You should try to look at the situation in this way, your mum has cancer, things are happening that are beyond your control, so if they are beyond your control then surely to get angry, upset and depressed would be the worse thing to do.. You are in control of your thoughts and actions, if you keep a positive mind and handle the situation in the most positive of manners, your mum will see this and it will help her in return.

The pills are of no help here or anywhere. They are a mask, a cover up and a short term solution to a problem that never resolves anything. Doctors are too quick these days to throw pills at us instead of giving good long term counseling as it is easier and cheaper. If the pills are for pain then sure, there is no other option, but if you can live with the pain and without the pills, you should try to keep away IMO.

Best of luck and all the best to your mum :)

[quitinoxys]

Sorry to hear about your mother my heart goes out to the both of you. One of the reasons you feel everything is falling apart is that you are not numb from the pills. The pills only give you an escape from all of the things that bother you. If you take a pill you may feel like you can handle things better but in reality the good, bad and the ugly pieces of life don't change they remain the same. You just don't notice them because you are in an altered state. Aftercare is a crucial part of recovery as it [recovery] is 1/3 physical & 2/3 mental and the mental part is the toughest part. So hang in thier I am pulling for you. I will pray for you and your Mom.---God Bless---Rick

[gnarly_1]

HIim sorry to here about your mom cancer is a tuff one to deal with....your early in sobriety we want everything to be all better when we quit using.....it is rarely like that there is usually a tornado to clean up after we wake up out of the fog...it normal for addicts to want it and want it now it just the way we think but recovery dosent work that way it is gradual your world wont fall to pieces because your clean it might have some difficult spots bucause you where using and it just now ketching up to you but at 11 days your emotions are all over the place and will be for a wile this is a normal part of withdrawal they will smooth out with time for now you got to learn how to deal with feeling things again witch is a good thing you may want to check out a group like N/A they will understand exactly how you feel and be able to help you threw some of this most that try and go it alone fail hook up with some form of aftercare and get past all of this  keep posting for suppost good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

I am sorry to hear about your mom...that is always tough to deal with.  Pills give us a false sense of security so things really arent easier at all.  It only hurts more and more.  Yes you can do this......One of my biggest regrets and most painful time was when my dad was sick with cancer.  I used the whole entire time.  How i wished i had cleaned up and spent that time with him clean.........sara

[trdofbeingtrd]

I can't say that finding out about your mom isn't really hard. I can understand that this is hard. You should not go back to the pills, it will mask the pain.

That is a tough thing, so what I am about to say has to do with before or after this type of news.

When taking the pills, things are easier to deal with, but there will NEVER be a good time to quit as far as there will always be things happening that will make it a "bad" time to stop with emotional, mental, physical, and even spiritual damage happening.

If you need to talk, please come here. You can message me, or post. I am sorry to hear about this.