Day one

[desperatetostop]

Ok, so i've been reading some threads on here ... THANK YOU. With the help of your words, i have the courage to stop this craziness.
I took the last of what I had last night (1/2 a 7.5 vic and 20mgs of oxy)...I was considering trying to just take a little bit today yet, but then decided to just be rid of it and start fresh.
I copied the Thomas Recipe and have taken 1,000mg of L-Tyrosine and some Tylenol this morning...so far no runs, but I am prepared for them as I do have immodium with me!

No one knows how much I take...the b/f doesn't know I've been abusing them and I'm afraid to tell him.

So far, so good...but I've only been awake for 2 hours. LOL. I did give myself affirmations as I fell asleep last night and I'm hoping to dive back into my spirituality practice as that helped tremendously when I quit doing Crack 10 years ago.

Thanks for your support and words of compassion, wisdom, and experiences!

[prayformetoo]

I hope your doing a little better. I know this is hard but you CAN and Will do it. I just said a prayer for you.Hand in There and keep posting
Steve

[TrayCee]

you took a nap on day 1????  Wow thats GREAT!  I didnt sleep the first 3 days.  Maybe 2 hours total.  Sooo your doing really good!

[desperatetostop]

TrayCee,

thanks for the warning, i've been on chantix before and had no problem. I'm also on prozac...seems to help with the chantix. the only side effect i really noticed was the dreams...i had weird and wonderful dreams about sex and shopping! I dont' mind that at all. LOL


I'm giving myself positive affirmations about feeling good etc. I just took a nice little nap....that felt great. I don't feel so 'jumpy' at the moment.

[TrayCee]

also....most people say day 3 is the worse but for me day 1 is by far the worse.  

Good Luck!!!

[TrayCee]

ohhhh be REALLY careful with Chantix.  R E A L L Y  scary side effects

[desperatetostop]

its 6pm and i'm feeling icky still. took more tylenol and L-tyrosine earlier...
i have the chills like you wouldn't believe and I can't stay still.

I did take an ativan (0.5) about an hour ago but still feeling weird...it's the only way I can describe it.

Also, I spoke with the tabacco treatment team....I'm going to get my chantix friday and start it right away.

I'm still in a 'good' mood...but just feel so icky with the runny nose and the chills...but i know this will pass.

[desperatetostop]

thanks for your words of support...I know you are so right in that I need to be open and honest with him about what is going on...I will, when I'm ready. Just not ready today.

I'm leaning on this site for my support at the moment.

[Michiganguy328]

Dang my typing stinks... that is an adictionologist and .. beyond words...

[Michiganguy328]

Hang in there!!!  My words of advise is to try to find an aditionologist.  Mine has been helpful beyond works.  Maybe try to contact NA.  If you want to keep it under wraps then it might be helpful to have a sponsor to lean on.  My opinion is to build an open and trusting relationship with your BF.  You have a ways to go yet and he is going to notice.  I found when I pulled my family together before I checked myself in for treatment they were and are very supportive.  It made it so much easier to call everyone when I was hurting big time because it took my mind off things for a while.  I found there is all kinds of help out there that won't judge you, you just need to seek it out.  

Good luck to you and Rachael.  Tell her to say Hi to Chris and Walter  (mine)...

[sonie413]

it will pass.  

[desperatetostop]

omygods....I feel like ****!

this will pass
this will pass
this will pass

this WILL pass!!!

[desperatetostop]

thanks for your support, Sonie413...

just took two more tylenol...and two more L-Tyrosines ...hopefully that will boost my energy a bit.

Hope this "Thomas Recipe" works. LOL

snacking on pretzles...should go get lunch soon...but i'm only munchie hungry if that makes sense...

[sonie413]

I never thought i would get though those first days, but the days turned to weeks and to years.  it's been almost to years now.  You can do it, just keep the faith in yourself.  good luck to you

[desperatetostop]

starting to feel fatigue and achy all over...guess its time for a tylenol...bad headache too. But I'm HUNGRY...and this is good. :)

still cold..then hot...then freezing...then warm. ugh.

I'll get there...perhaps I'll even get a chance to soak in a hot bubble bath tonight. I deserve it!

[desperatetostop]

Thanks Prayformetoo...I just posted on your thread. lol

congrats to you also for doing the rite thing...

I will say that I'm also on prozac (for pmdd) and I took 40mgs this morning to assist with mood...I have to be at work for this and I'm up front in the office, no hiding for me.

[prayformetoo]

Keep posting thru the process so I can help. It also helps me I'm on day Two Make sure you are prepared for the physical and emotional parts of wd. Congrats on doing the rite thing. You will be rewarded in the long run. God Bless you and I am praying for you
Steve

[desperatetostop]

I'm pagan...I have a guardian angel (Rachel) who helps me when I remember to ask for it!

I can't stand the chills, runny nose and yawning...but otherwise...I'm still ok so far. :)

Thanks

[LoandTansMom24]

Good for you!! Keep up the good spirits!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! BTW, what kind of spirituality practices? Just curious...I am gonna need all the help I can get myself!