day two for no vicodan. It *****, no two ways about it. I feel sick, couldn't sleep lastnight couldnt sit still, didn't eat anything but my kids halloween candy. My poor kids have to watch their mommy fall apart so I can pick myself back up again. My husband is being super supportive today, which is a nice feeling knowing that my team mate is on my team. I am scared to tell anyone else what I am going through since a lot of people will think I was not addicted to it, I was not the crack head my brother is / was and have not lost anything because of it. But I feel like I have lost so much. Somehow along the way I lost myself. I lost the strong go get um girl I used to be. I knew I would never be a drinker, I grew up with my dad being a drinker.... pretty much same as me will my pills. He never was late for work, always showed up, came and did family things, he is and was a good dad. Much like me being mom. Only he is and was a drunk, a happy drunk, a fun loving drunk but a drunk none the less. His mom was the same, she died because she couldn't put the bottle down..... my brother has struggled his entire life with addaction, only he has lost everything and then some, his family the one he made is gone. My neice whom I will never see again Im sure is someplace in the system, my nephew now 18 I have not seen since he was 5 my brother took him to a crack house to get his fix.....
so you see, this was not supposed to be me. Only I guess I didn't have much going for me to not become an addict. I quit smokin 2 years ago and a year after is when I started taking the vicodan.... I just guess it was my way to not 'feel' the things I have to. I have so much to live for and nothing to die for. I can't let my family ever see me like this again, I will not fall apart over drug use again ever. I pray to God that he eases the w/d I am going through and know if I can quit smoking, have 2 babies that I can and will beat this. Hopefully I will learn to love me along the way.....
My mom, one of my best friends is addicted to pain pills (darvocet) but also has fibro, so it makes it okay-- for her anyhow. My sister has gone through wd of pain killers....
today I feel dizzy, upset, uptight, nausa, tummy cramps, headache..... ugh this *****...
one day at a time. thanks for the support yesterday was hard