What Do You All Think?

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

As you know I live in a very small community.  My doctor and my nurse (they are a couple) came by today.  He brought me one pill and only one pill for Monday (the day of the service).  I can barely walk right now and am in a ton of physical pain.  He told me it was for Monday so I can survive the service and the aftermath.  He also said that taking one pill considering how strong I've been with not taking anything the last couple of month means that I won't be breaking my sobriety.  He promised he would not prescribe anything to me (as I had requested) but that he feels that if I try to get through Monday without something I may end up in the hospital.

What do you all think about what he said?  I have no opiates at all....my neighbors today took what Joe had left and destroyed them in front of me and threw them out at my request.

[Jinx_777]

oh sweetie..... you do WHATEVER you need to do to get through this.
only do what your doctor suggests and trust him to help you through this.

my heart breaks for you.  you have enough to worry about, don't let allowing the doc to give you limited amounts of meds worry you.  

take care of YOU.  just whatever you do, don't self medicate.  stay away from any mind altering substances that are not prescribed.  

praying for you

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Starting today I will be updating in my Journal....

[Merri123]

Awww.. PK you did what you needed to. That was one hard day.  It's over now. I hope you are doing ok today. You've been very strong. It's ok to let I out.

(((Hugs))))). We're here for you.

[Ejm7263]

I think your amazing. My heart aches for you, family & friends.
I'm so glad your here & thank you for all the times you've helped me:)
Praying for you!!!

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

The lesser of two evils...I could handle the pain...I couldn't stay calm though...I was in so many tears that the doc said if I wouldn't take pain med then I WAS going to take a 5 mg valium just to help me get a little calmer for the service.  It did help...don't worry...I don't much care for benzo's so no danger there AT ALL.  It served the purpose for yesterday.  Everyone gone today so I can sit and bawl my eyes out for a few days by myself...then I'll pick myself up by my bootstraps!!!

If anyone doesn't like what I did...too bad...you weren't in my shoes and you couldn't see whereas my doc COULD see!

[luvdolphins58]

U r so much stronger than you think. I would have dived i to a y and all. So proud of u. It had to be extremely exhausted stressful than oh yes thro pain not a good combination. I guess my prayers getting thru.

[IBKleen]

You took a Valium? Why?

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Survived....That's all I can say....survived.  I didn't take any pills today much to Doc's chagrin though I had no problem taking a valium.  Kids still here...exhausted...collapsing.

[luvdolphins58]

Been in my thoughts all day. Just wondering how u r holding up. Let us know when u feel up to it   Hugs

[lulu747]

No worries Kaye I'm just concerned for you.  I hope today is bearable for you and that you are surrounded with love and support as you try to say good bye.  Check in when you can.
Much love
Lu

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Cotton Brain!  I see now where you asked about getting a small amount but in a smaller dosage.  I don't want that...if I can barely walk just one pill just for tomorrow to get through the service and the wake afterwards will be enough.  I also still agree about asking him about the dosage...something smaller will be fine....tomorrow is his day off so he and Amy will be around during most of the day....he can start with a smaller dosage and can always increase it a tiny bit if he thinks I need it.  I told him I didn't want so much that it masked all my pain...when he suggested that I needed this I told him that IF I did it I wanted just enough to make it tolerable...that's all...just tolerable.  He's probably still got it stuck in my head about my past tolerance...he's been having a ton of issues medically lately too so I forgive him..plus he was not in the office where he could read up all my chart stuff AND he really should not do what he was doing...but sometimes that is what our itty towns are about.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Lulu, you misunderstood me completely.  The way your first post sounded it appeared you thought I was getting more than one pill so I was clarifying that...then I agreed to ask about the dosage...okay???  No argument with you here on that...no energy for an argument if wanted to which I do not

[lulu747]

I understand it's only one pill, but that is one potent pill.  I am on opiates right now post-op and have been for several months leading up, and 60 mg of morphine would knock me out.  It's about tolerance and overloading.  Please do talk to your doctor.  That dosage is very very concerning to me and I want you to be as well and comfortable as possible at this painful time.
Sending love...
Lu

[luvdolphins58]

I have been in tears for u since Friday. I really wished i could be with you give u hugs hold your hand. Give u a shoulder to cry on. (Even tho my shoulders r pretty screw up) lol  just remember u r so loved and u have major support on here. Praying for peace comfort for you!

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

It is only one pill....and i'll ask him in the morning about the dosage...thx

[lulu747]

Oh Kaye-

My heart just aches for you right now.  60 mg of morphine extended release?  That is a pretty hefty dose!!
Especially when you have had NO opiates in your system for more than 90 days.  I do agree that you need some pain relief for a few days, I'm just confused by the high dose.  Wouldn't it be wiser to give you a small supply of a lower dose so that you can take it and evaluate your pain?  If I were you (this is just MY opinion) I would try a small dose of something, evaluate my pain, and then take a little more if needed.  Have someone else hold the pills.  I just think with a large dose of extended release that you don't know what you are getting into.  What if it makes you feel sick, or super high?  On a day when you need to be present.
Just a thought.  
I wish I were there to hold your hand, just know that we are there in spirit, holding you up.
Much Love
Lu

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Oh yes, to give you an example....my feet and ankles are so swollen I can't fit into any shoes and my tummy ... well the usual pain from the diverticulitis and my back is shot from trying to move Joe around so I could give him CPR....he is...was a big guy 6'4 and around 228 lbs.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

He didn't go overboard...a 60 mg morphine long-lasting capsule which is probably smart...I do not like any of the long-acting pills...never had...doesn't have the energy, etc type of side effects I would get on oxy.  It will, however, last all day....we have to hold the after-service in Pensacola because my m-i-l is allergic to cats so she could not tolerate more than 30 min in my house plus with my f-i-l in early stage alzheimer...well, he will be more comfortable in his own house.  He gets confused when he is other places.

I will wait till tomorrow to decide....all the kids get here today so Courtney said once they get here they want me on the recliner with my feet, up, etc....I could end up doing pretty good tomorrow and not needing anything.

I will, of course, follow my Dr advice.  He and Amy will be coming here to help chauffeur everyone that is staying at my house to the church so he can evaluate me at that time.

[NeverAgain127]

Hi honey, thinking of you every day.

1. What is the pill?  I mean, is it an opiate, and if so, what is it? What strength?

2 Why are you In physical pain all over?  Is it the grief, deciding to rear its ugly head as somatic pain?  Does Advil or Tryenol help?

3. Only you can make this decision.  I think that if you need something to get through this horrible tragedy, and you are under a doctor's supervision, you should probably follow his advice.   You're smart to be questioning this.  

Hang in there honey.  This is an awful time for you.  I know these words sound hollow, but things will get better in time.   I have a book I want to send you as soon as your ready.  It was given to me by a dear friend who lost her husband at age 30 (cancer.)  She gave it to me when I lost my sister (to alcoholism) and I want to give it to you.  Peace & Love, Robin

[dominosarah]

Your health and sobriety are what is important here and your doctor knows what is going on so he will be watching out for you.  

I will write to you once everything calms down.  Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers~

[luvdolphins58]

Hey kaye. I am all about sobriety. In your case i feel u r going need something to make it thru Mon. Your Dr knows you and your situation. It sounds like very concerned about you. I would listen to him. When I've been stressed my cardiologist tells me drink glass red wine. Even though i can't stand it i have done it to help relax and get some sleep. I'm still praying like i said in pm you can call anytime day or night. I'm so proud of you.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Thanks hun.  I haven't been replying to PM's because I just am so tired, feel so broken, and am inundated with people, phone calls, etc.  Eventually I will respond to everyone...please know I read all my messages though and that all of you have been my strength the last few days.  All the kindness and care has been showing through...without that support and my support here at home I don't know what I would have done.  Still kinda wish I was a drinker....if I was maybe a few drinks would help me sleep....

I HAVE to be concerned about my sobriety...I fought hard for it and, I suspect, I'm also using it as a way to not think too much about other things.  Go read the last post I did on my earlier thread about what happened.  It will give you an idea on my state of mind right now!

the krazy part of my name is rather appropriate at the moment

[jifmoc]

Hey, Sweetie. It looks to me, even though you've had a horrible blow, you are extremely concerned about your sobriety. That is so inspiring. (I know you don't feel inspiring right now.) The fact that you even wrote this post to ask shows you are very concerned about it. In my humble opinion, sounds like you have all your angles covered, so if you need it, take it. I'm sure you trust your dr and he has your best interests at heart. So do whatever you need to do:)

Glad that people are around you. I wish you lots of strength:)