What to do?

[NA_daughter]

If anyone has time please read my journal and send me sum advice! What can I do? Feeling alone here.

[magnoliaooo]

Welcome!!!!!  I just read your journal this morning and I also wanted to say how very sorry I am about your Mom. I know how you feel I was an only child and I took care of both of my parent's. After the death of my mom my pill use became more extreme, I felt so lost and alone without her. My mother also was my best friend, I don't think I can ever put into words how empty my life became without her. So I started heavily medicting myself and that started a cycle that continued to go on for over 10 years. Shortly after my Mom died my father moved in with us and I spent years taking care of him all the time numbing myself with pills because I had not even come to terms with my mothers death. I was always there for my father also or at least as much as a medicated person could be. I was like you by his side in the hospital also. I went home to take a shower and pick my son up from school and he passed away while I was not there. I will never forget the guilt I felt because my daddy had died alone. The reason I am telling you all this is because I have been there, I carried all of that guilt inside me for so many years and it kept me taking the pills. I think all the guilt kept me using opiates so I would not have to feel. What ImDoneNoMore said to you is perfect advice, she has told you what to expect when you stop.  I continued to take the pills for stress relief, I simply at the time did not want to face my life without my parent's, it really is a difficult position to be in, I know. I only have a little under  3 months clean time but I can tell you from experience that it can be done. I never thought I could go even 1 day without my pills. I never went anywhere without making sure I had enough pills. I finally reached the point I could no longer live that way. I get the feeling that you have reached that point. You can do this, we have all been where you are, this website and it's members have carried me through this jounney. If you want this we are here for you it can be done, I so wish you luck. Keep posting on here we are pulling for you


                                                                                             Mag

[ImDONENoMore]

Good morning na,

I had a chance to read your journal this morning.  Just so you know, with future posts, put them here in the post's thread as opposed to your journal.  That just makes it easier for all members to see what's going on with you rather than having to click on your profile to pull up your journal.  No biggie though!  :)

I see that you've been taking the pills for a couple of years now.  And the first thing I wanted to say is how sorry I am about the loss of your Mom.  I lost my Mom too a few years ago and it was horrible so I know what you're going through.  And the other first thought I had was in no way was her passing your fault.  I think as loved ones we place so many unnecessary expectations upon ourself, but you had no control over what was happening to her.  I'm sorry you were not there when she passed, but you were in her heart I'm sure.  So please remember that as you continue through this grieving process.

And I think it's fairly obvious now that you're continuing on these pills for the stress relief they give you, and not so much the pain relief.  And that happens to most of us here, we start them for pain, but quickly realize the relief they give us from having to deal with the stress or issues we are experiencing in our lives.  And that's where the trouble begins.

It is possible to get off of them - many here have said that your desire to quit has to be stronger than your desire to use and that's very true.  That's where the change begins.  And no, it's not easy, the first few days (sometimes can be up to 10 days or so) the physical withdrawal will kick in and there's really no way around that.  If you have any OTC pain meds, start using those to help ward off any initial pain.  And remember, most of us experience rebound pain as well, which means the pain becomes greater at first, then begins to subside with time.  Keep that in mind those first days.

And there are some things you can do to help alleviate some of the overall withdrawal symptoms - check out the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol as noted on this page (you'll find this link in the bottom right corner of this page).  I started the vitamins/supplements after about a week and have stayed on them ever since.  They have helped enormously so I think they might for you too.  Definitely worth a shot.

And then just try to keep a positive attitude about your decision.  You're probably going to feel angry and frustrated for a while and that's normal.  Allow yourself those feelings and try to stay busy (as hard as that sounds it will help so much) and distracted to help keep those feelings somewhat at bay.  I think, because you said your family, actually your father, has overseen rehab facilities, that you probably have quite a bit of knowledge as far as what to expect, so use those things you've learned and apply them to what you will be going through.  Knowledge is power as I quickly realized early on.

Let us know - are you planning to stop the drugs soon?  Tapering has worked for some, but it requires a LOT of discipline and that's something many of us don't really have.  Is there someone you can give the remaining pills to to dole them out to you as you go through the taper?  That's usually the only way the tapers are successful, so let us know where that stands and I'm sure many members here can walk you through that process.  I quit the opiates and the xanax cold turkey at the same time, so I don't have any pesonal experience with the tapering process.

Please post your questions here and we will continue to walk you through this and offer advice about what helps at any given time.  And congrats to you for realizing you had a problem and that you need to quit.  That is really GREAT!  :)

[ImDONENoMore]

Hi again - just replying quickly to your post so you'll move up to the top of the line!

I'm sure others will reply to you shortly.  And as I promised, I'll write to you in the morning.  Hang in there - and as I told you earlier - there is ALWAYS hope so please don't forget that!  :)