I hate being labeled an Addict!

[MikeInFrance]

I'll admit that it's a bit of an issue for me to be labeled an addict. In fact, one of the reason I quit taking this poison was the 'Junky Factor' I wrote about a couple weeks ago. I saw someone in the mirror that wasn't me and someone turning into a junky and that scared me beyond belief!  So I changed and 24 Days later I am so proud of myself for doing it. And I know I can never forget my addiction by if doesn't mean that I have to agree with all aspects of it. It's only a word right? Addict? Not to me....the implications surrounding that word are powerful. And will I always be an addict? Or addict in recovery or however u want to call it? All the other stuff I can work on and change and get past. You get what I mean?? When I saw a junky in me I stopped and changed and if this sounds funny or not...I am not a junky today. But why do I always have to be an addict? That's my question!  On another note ....we all are kicking azz out here with this detox and recovery program!!  I am so proud of all of you that have been Travelling this road with me!! Whether in England, Texas, Canada...wherever u r in the world....our fight is the same!!!

[gnarly_1]

HEY Mike have you set any aftercare up yet??? told me to give you a week so its been a week and 2 days but I dident forget you you need to treat this disease and the term recovering addict wont have so much sting to the words
living in recovery is a beautiful place to be compared to active addiction so keep in mind an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.........Gnarly  

[kk1303]

I completely understand what u mean. Completely.

[MikeInFrance]

Gnarly...thanks for checking back with me. I posted yesterday about my visit with an addiction therapist. Didn't go so well so I am still searching... Doing great though and have no desire whatsoever to go through this again! So I won't! ;)  and kk ... Right? It's crazy to be labeled something that we always only saw from the outside ... Meaning others. And now being classified as that is tough. Actually I am the only one calling myself an addict but should I tell my story to anyone then I know how they'll think regardless if it's spoken or not. Kills my pride sometimes. It's like a weakness that u hate to admit. So hard to explain even to myself! Grrrrr!

[Rich99]

There's something about the term 'drug addict' that denotes an image of a disheveled homeless person or somebody unkempt and looking like a junky to our eyes.    But that's not really the case all the time.      I got battered on another forum on this site for expressing an opinion that this person could not get off their drug because they were physically addicted to it.     There are some who with the backing of their doctor feel that they would have no life if not for using their Rx drugs.    Those drugs are addicting.    Fine and all if it helps but if you're addicted to a chemical whether nicotine,  benzo,  narcotic,  etc then you are "drug addict"ed.      Don't be concerned about the label.        

[dominosarah]

I agree Rich, there is a stigma attached to the word "junkie".

Mike,  Congrats on your clean time, you are doing great right now.  There will come a time when that pink cloud goes away and that is when the tough part kicks in.  Being an addict is something you will live with forever.  It is up to you if you want to be a recovering addict.  This doesnt end once we put the pills down.  The longer you are clean the more comfortable you will get in your skin and the label "addict" wont bother you.  

[MikeInFrance]

Hard not to be concerned (for me) cuz it's something that comes from within. And although there are many legitimate reasons for taking these drugs as prescribed, it doesn't change the fact that doctors systematically create an 'addict' knowingly/willingly or not. For me that wasn't the case. Although I only received my drugs through docs and pharmacies I did it through deception....without having any need for them whatsoever. But we all end up in the pot....at the end of the day.... Addict applies to anyone addicted even if there has been no use for days, weeks, months or years. To me that's wrong but it's what society dictates to us. Is it really correct to call a cancer patient who went through all the pains and dramas of their disease, an addict because he/she became dependent on the meds? Is that really the same 'addict' as someone like me who took it recreationally and am I really the same 'addict' as someone living on the street doing hardcore drugs everyday for years? I know it can sound so irrelevant to argue over a word but like I said earlier there are profound implications to that word! And since its something on my mind as I try to come to terms with the how's and why's of my addiction it is to me a very valid point to discuss and I hope to hear from alot of people who can express their feelings regarding this. It's strange cuz I can talk about my 'addiction' to Oxys last year but, feel kinda bad if I have to say I am an addict. It's not denial at all, trust me! I know what I did and how self-destructive it was. Ahhhhh....so difficult!

[dominosarah]

I understand what you are saying but just know there are no different classes of addiction.  The addict who lives on the street has the same thoughts, dreams and fears just like someone who got them the legit way.

[charliej41]

Well there nothing wrong with being call an addict just a word its how u feel inside I call myself an addict and,I started out getting all my pills from a doctor and took them the right way after a year or so that's when I started taking a few more and more and so on these pills grab hold of you and u think u need them but I don't think there is a different between some one one the street buying drug or someone that goes to doc we all addict just some of us got a little more to work with an addict not a bad word just means we know what we are and we going to change we don't allway have to b addicts I am a recovering addict

[MikeInFrance]

What I know to be true is everything ur saying.  What I feel inside is something all together different.

[kk1303]

Mike, I think the word you're looking for is "dependent." There is dependency and there is addiction. The only thing that distinguishes the two is the reason for taking the drug and how the drug is taken. If a person is prescribed a pain killer for legitamate reasons & takes the drug only as prescribed, they eventually develop a dependency. Addiction is when someone takes a drug for the wrong reasons or more than prescribed. (This is how my doctor explained it to me, anyway.) When she first prescribed me norco I told her, "I don't know if I want to take those. I know vicodin is addictive & I don't want to become some drug addict." And she said what I just explained plus "if u take these, ur body WILL develop a dependency.  That doesn't mean you're a drug addict...as long as you are taking them only when in pain & no more than prescribed." Does that make sense?

[Bkitty]

For me in the beginning I too hated the "stigma" of being an addict. I think it was because I was embarrased and humiliated that I got addicted in the first place and the fact that I wasted the last 8 prime years of my life being an "addict". But my view has changed,,I have rounded a corner of sorts,,Yes,,I am an addict. I am no longer ashamed of myself or what Ive become. I LOVE telling people that I am SOBER. I am a strong person,,having gone thru this experience. I have learned a lot about myself and had to come to terms with loving myself,,addict or not. I am me. This experienced has changed me,,I sunk to a bottom in November dealing with a lot on my plate having just got married and then immed getting temp custody of my step daughter. In hindsight,,,I hated my life,,but now I look back and actually I think that whole ordeal saved my life. I am proud of who I am today. Each and everyone of us are "warriors" we have fought a battle and are still fighting a battle,,now and always. Not a lot of people can say that. We can. We are strong. We are in a elite group of people that only we can understand. Im proud to say that I am part of that group,,I am no longer humiliated. I accept who I am. ~Bkitty

[NeverDreamed]

I understand and completely agree at the moment with your question of being called an addict.  Obviously me taking 20 vicodin per day sometimes more,and buying them off the streets in addition to my script, shows everyone including myself i'm addicted to these stupid little pills.  That's if anyone knew, which they don't.  I'm only on Day 12, but I struggle with the thought of having to fight this all my life.  As of now, I feel that now the w/d's are gone, my mind "right now" doesn't even desire any high.  I don't know how to explain it...but I think Gnarly is right...setting up some kind of counseling/meetings/etc..will help us better understand the word and accept it as a form of recovery.  My Mom is 11years clean/sober, and she still states she is a recovering alcoholic, but I don't look at her like that anymore.  I look at her as one of the strongest women i've met in my entire life, I look at her with more admiration than I have in my life, for succeeding at her life.  So I think Mike, you and I have a negative image with the fact that we are ultimately titled a recovering addict, but to others I think it's motivation and respect for how far we've come.  Besides a recovering addict is not all I am... I'm a daughter, a best friend, a step mom, a sister, an aunt, a niece, grandaughter, cousin...i'm a damn hard worker, who continues to succeed and promote at my job, i'm a good person, who let herself get caught up in taking pills, thinking she could handle it "as needed prescribed for pain"...  

[Sarah11212]

Great post Mike!
I too am having a hard time dealing with being known as an addict...

[sharlola35]

I think labels in general are dangerous, but the addict label carries so much stigma.  I feel so sad everytime I read that someone is trying to kick their addiction alone.  My God, people dont try to hide diabetes or heart disease.  This is an epidemic, maybe a pandemic.  People need education..us addicts are sick and need constant and unconditional support.  We are fighting for our lives.  Screw the damn labels, we need help!!!!!

[vicki595]

Hey Honey...I got around that whole thing by calling it "prescription medication situation".  But there's really no need to call it anything...we only need to answer to ourselves!   XO

[LostNoMore]

Mike, I can relate to having some aversion to the word "Addict". That's a guy/gal with tracks in both arms, laying in the gutter, dirty, newspaper covering his/her skeleton-like frame...right? Not a pretty picture. Not one of us wants to think of ourselves that way. I seem to be the NA thumper of our group.  Everyone, what I say comes from my heart, and is MY experience, I know there are many paths to recovery. I do not judge other people who are doing other things. That's great. Whatever keeps you clean.  I'd like to quote from NA's basic text. When I read it, I didn't feel like I had to fall all the way down to "become" an addict.
Again, I don't want to offend anyone. If you get something from this, great. If not, then please, by all means, don't read it:
"Who Is an Addict?"
"Most of us do not have to think twice about this question. WE KNOW!
Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another - the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same; Jails, institutions and death." (NA Basic Text, Chapter 1, pg 3)

[ricart70]

To me it's like those poor bears on the discovery channel .When that bear gets into the honey he just can't stop himself.He gets stung and stung and then he changes up his strategy-one paw trying to flick the bees off of his nose,the other paw continuing to try to get even more of the delicious honey .Does he need to know that he may have a problem with honey ?  or does he have a problem with bees?
Does he need to know a specific word to describe this situation he has put himself in?No .Does he need to get out of this situation? yes
I am sorry,I have lost my whole train of thought with where I'm going with this.   No I am not high     anyway words are words and words don't get us high or keep us sober,we do that.     great job on your staying clean Mike   you are doing really well  and that is a great thing.

@ vicki   where you been?  hope you're having a great day

[MikeInFrance]

These are some great honest and personal responses! Thank u all so much! A word cannot hurt me unless I use it against myself which u seemed to be doing. I think alot of people have one of two reactions when discovering someone is an addict...either fear or sorrow. I don't want someone to have to worry about anything around me and i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me and always asking if I'm ok or not. I just want to live like I was before , just more knowledgeable about myself and others. Doesnt see that will be the case though....not anytime soon anyway.  But honestly,  nothing I have to deal with today is anywhere near as bad as what I did to myself by taking those drugs so I can and will deal with it all as if comes. Thanks again everyone...,.!

[ImDONENoMore]

I think it would be great if we could all stop feeling the need to label ourselves in any way.  Every one has something to overcome - sure would be nice if this world were a bit more accepting of individual differences and the trials and tribulations that come from that.  I don't feel the need to label anyone I love or care about.  Too bad I think others could potentially do that with me.

Either way - it doesn't really matter.  Being sober is all that matters to me now.  Move on from the thought, Mike, it's self-defeating and serves no purpose to who you are today.  :)

[kyle505]

Mike:
Boy did you open a can of worms! But an excellent post; each person's take on your question was very interesting and enlightening.
Personally, I am an addict - I know that "addict" is just a part of what I am, but it is a powerful part that can lay the rest of me to waste. I've done this for too many years to think otherwise. When you steal, cheat, lie, take meds from your dying mother, ransack stranger's medicine cabinets, miss precious moments in your children's lives because you have to somehow get more pills...Well, that's just a snippet of what I've done; the addict part of me. And I'm comfortable with it; it doesn't bother me when I am in control, and I plan to be from here on out. Granted, I don't broadcast it, but I'll feel absolutely no shame if and when the time comes that, after a surgery, I have to tell the doc no pain meds because I am an addict. It's the truth - and it's just a part of who I am.  

[justme1119]

I know it's not a popular opinion, and perhaps my mind will change someday, but I think there is a difference between someone who was prescribed meds for pain and then got sucked into the black hole, never deciding to break the law and someone who went passed that into buying drugs illegally. I'm talking about someone who did take more than prescribed, but only suffered when they ran out and never took that step to lie, cheat, steal, doctor shop or doing whatever that could land them in trouble with the law.    Please don't be offended by this.  Not saying that one person is better than the other.  We all have problems and God loves us all.  Just, I think there is a difference.

[kyle505]

You are right... There is a difference. A good and appropriate distinction. Some of us are addicts; some have just used a powerful drug too long. Some learn and some don't.  Thanks for your post.  

[MikeInFrance]

I doubt I there will e any offense taken from what anyone said here. All of your points are so valid to me and I sincerely appreciate them. And when thinking about what everyone has said I know it's a difficult situation I am faced with and so so many others. Everyone has different personalities and I think based on that fact alone, everyone can either accept being labeled an addict or reject it , or maybe even find a middle ground.... Which is what I seem to be doing. It's whatever works for you that you must roll with because it's you that has to get through this.  I am confident in my decision not to use again. However I am sure just about everyone who goes through this process has said that to themselves at one point.

So obviously words aren't enough to get me through this. So why should I let a WORD (addict) be enough to not get me through this?  I feel better thinking about this today then I did writing it yesterday. ;)

[bmdad]

Although it can be a fine line, there's a difference between being addicted and being dependent. In my opinion, once you take the narcotic for something other than pain, you just crossed that line from being dependent to addicted. I was dependent at first but ended up taking them because I liked how they made me feel. I did end up buying them from a so called friend but I never stole anything or any pills from anyone. Before I met this so called friend I use to suffer once a month until my refill was due to be filled. What did I do once I was able to fill it? I filled it because I was addicted to them. I didn't need them as much as I thought I did due to my injury. I needed them because I was addict. Before I ever bought a pill I would've called you crazy if you said that I would ever buy or borrow a pill from someone else. Heck, I never thought I would ever be addicted to something. All it takes is meeting that right (or wrong) person. Taking more than what your doctor directed you to take can be considered illegal. If you've ever gotten behind the wheel after taking a prescribed narcotic can get you a dwi which is illegal. When it comes down to it, even if we're just dependent we've probably done something illegal while using. It's just that the severity differs depending on ones opinion. If you ask someone who's lost a loved one to an accident caused by dui they may say that diving under the influence is more severe than someone stealing. As we get deeper into addiction we will go further and further chasing that high. Some of us were just fortunate enough to catch it before it spiraled even further out of control. I'm not saying everyone will lie, cheat and steal but the longer we use the better the odds. I do see where you're coming from and I use to think the exact same way. To be honest, addicted or dependent, does it really matter? What matters is that we were using, we are now clean and we are doing everything in our power to stay that way. In order to truly work on our recovery we do have to be honest with ourselves and only you know the answer.

This is just an opinion but I think one possible way to try and figure out if you are addicted or dependent is if you get cravings or not. If you are dependent you shouldn't get any mental cravings. Dependent is when your body is dependent on them and you go through withdrawals if you don't take them. Addicted is when you need them to feed your brain. Just a thought. When I quit for the first time I was on vicodin for a year. I never took more than prescribed. When I quit I went through withdrawals but had no desire to take another. I ended up getting back on them a year later due to scar tissue and I then started taking them for the wrong reasons. That's when I took them to feed my brain. Sure, I also took them to keep from having withdrawals but it was more than that and I knew it. I knew then that I crossed that line from dependent to addicted and that was before I ever bought or borrowed one from anyone else.

There are many different levels of addiction just as there are many different levels when it comes to just about anything else in this world. Lets use a baseball player for example. It doesn't matter if you're 8 years old and playing little league baseball or if you're 25 years old and play major league baseball. At the end of the day you are still considered a baseball player.

Only you know whether or not you're considered addicted or dependent. But, if you've ever used for any other reason than for pain, chances are that you're an addict. There's nothing wrong with being an addict. There's only something wrong with it if you don't do something about it. As long as you're doing something about, at the end of the day, you are no different than anyone else.