how can I tell if he is doing drugs?

[noknowledge]

My boyfriend who is 45 is addicted to narcotic pain meds due to back issues. Past  year he has become withdrawn, sleeps in another room, always sleeping, no energy, doesn't communicate, very defensive, no interest in intimacy. Recently I keep finding bottled water in bathrooms hidden behind towels, in closets, drawers> I found 4 in one day hidden in different places?  I also found a spoon hidden in 2 different bathrooms. He doesn't even drink water, let alone bottled water? He does not drink alcohol. My concern is: 1: is he doing another drug, diluting the roxicodones and oxycontins? Why the hidding of bottled water and spoons. I am 50 years old and the only thing I have ever seen is pot and I am not familiar with anything else. I know he runs out of his medicine in a few days. He gets 45 Roxicodones 30mgs and 45 80mg Oxycontins every 14 days. Isn't this excessive?  Is the bottled water an OCD. I am worried, I have 2 teenage boys and the envoirement is getting really tense.  How can I find out what he is doing, and what do I do?  Thank you, NoKnowledge

[noknowledge]

Yes, I guess I just didn't want to accept the fact it had gone that far.  I did however "tear up the house" but nothing.  Ever since the other day when I ask him about all the hidden water bottles they are all gone.  I found the spoons by accident. He knows that I am on to something and there is no way I can get in his truck. Funny now that I think about it whenever we needed his truck moved and my son or I ask for the key he would just say he would move it. It had never been a problem before with one of us driving it, but he is hiding something. You are all right, and I have asked nicely, I've been agressive, I have threatened, yelled for him to move. He just said earlier he is leaving soon, but I have heard that for almost a year. I look back and it's been over two years since he even held my hand. I remember years ago, how unfeeling he became, how dead inside, and it's happened again. I own the home, I pay the bills, he in no way supports me. He just lays there staring at the TV and no one will even go into the great room anymore since he has made that his room. Yes he has it made, the big screen TV, dinner made, but even when I didn't cook or anything he managed to take care of himself. You know teenage boys, they are out everynight in the summer with their friends. I have really good kids, they do well in school, they help me alot, they are just resentful that he just lays and watches TV because he's worked hard, you know the drill. But every Sunday he jumps up and is raring to go? where he goes? I don't know, but usually it's his mom because she will feed him. Last time when he was in rehab and she came she yelled at me telling me it was my fault because I didn't take good enough care of him. Please, I pay for everything, he does hardly anything, oh yeah, he takes care of his dog. His mom is Japanese and they really spoil their kids.  When he moved out in 2001 he moved in with his parents and stayed there until we got back together.  I do have to say one good thing about him, he has 4 kids and always took care of them, he never missed a birthday, holiday, and had them every weekend till they were older. Sorry this is so long, I have to figure out how to get him out. He always gets so mean and threatening. NO one would suspect a thing. We have a very nice home, nice cars, typical suburban home, and my ex husband is a retired police officer, he knows about the last time and was supportive, but this time?  I don't know.  I still feel so helpless

[princess2000]

Just what is it you did not realize?  I will be glad to explain how those things work.


Princess2000

[ochooked]

Have to agree with the others on here who say that he is definitely shooting up.  So, why even try to find the needles -- you already know in your heart -- so why do you need the evidence?  You really need to protect yourself and your kids.  I also agree that you have been enabling him.  Hope you will get him out in a way that is safe for you and the kids.  Then change the locks on the doors - get a restraining order - do whatever you have to in order to be safe.  All the best.

[lovemypillhead]

wow-- didnt realize all tht.....

[princess2000]

You need to do the right thing now, for the sake of you and your children.  I am a former CPS worker, and if someone reports you, they will remove the children from the home.  They consider that  "no protection".  This is because you know its going on.  If you make a report to the police, they will get him out of your home, and you will not be in any trouble.  If you contiue to let him stay there while your children are in his presence, you will be at fault too.  Please do not let that happen.  Also if he is doing anything else, like smoking crack, meth, or anything like that, it cold get into there system (and yours too),  This can cause perm damage to them and you,  Please feel free to talk to me, as I can advise you.  I know you must be a good mother, but you are still there and allowing t to happen.  I am concerned for your children

[lovemypillhead]

I would say he is shooting the pills up.  Melting them down and shooting them up.  And, as far as u saying he doesnt like needles so that would be hard to believe-----PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.............i seriously thought my boyfriend had told me everything in the world there was about him....trust me....he's got alot of stuff...and we have been together for 2 years--i just ound out a couple months ago that he USE to shoot heroin with an ex girlfriend.....AND he HATES needles.....but, he didnt do it....the ex girlfriend would do it for him.  Point being-i never thought he would have ever shot up because he hates needles......and here, he had.  So do not rule that out.  All signs point to him shooting them up.

Secondly, that does seem like a load of pills but it also sounds like he has major back issues....so maybe that is normal for that?  I dont know. I dont think so tho.

I do not have experience with shooting up but i do have experience with dealing with an addict, the lies, the withdrawls, no $ because of the addict, etc...so if u ever need anything, let me know.  

I would confront him and do not ask questions.  TELL HIM the way it is.  I wouldnt say "are u shooting up....what's up with the water and spoons"  I would tell him YOU know for a FACT he is shooting the pills up.....u wont tolerate it, etc.  It's one thing if he needs the pills for pain.  But, no doctor would PRESCRIBE pills and on the label under directions it say "Shoot up 1-2 pills every 3-4 hours as needed for pain"...SOOOOOO  the point there is shooting them up is him abusing them, period.   Id tell him it isnt open for discussion......but, like i said, do not dance around the subject.  say what it is. dont ask. tell him what u will and wont deal with.

[owhatamistake]

I'm not sure you even have to give him an eviction notice.  Ask your local police.  When I had a cheating, worthless, junkie BF living in my home (which was actually OUR home) I was told all I had to do was make sure I had a safe place to put his things (like a shed, the garage, just a place where they wouldn't get stolen or ruined), box them up, change the locks, sign a restraining order, let him know where his things were so he could pick him up and I was done.  He could not come back in my home or the police would be there to 'speak' to him.  They actually did have to speak to him. :-)

Syringes are easy to hide....they're small....I swear, I'd tear that house apart!  I'd also find a way to search his truck....maybe while he's knocked out.  I'd find them if they existed!  Believe that! LOL

Keep posting...we're all here for you.  Good luck!

[wannabefree330]

You are enabling him, by allowing this to continue.  He still has a roof over his head, he gets his laundry cleaned, he has electricity, he gets to recluse into his own little room.  He has to know you are aware he is abusing them again?  Yet he continues to disrespect you. All the while, you are so stressed out you have broken out in shingles!!  Shingles are definitely stress related.  Boot him out once and for all!  If he is adult enough to put a needle in his arm, he's adult enough to get his own place to do all his bullshitt!  Sounds like you have so much on your plate now, but I would recommend going back to Alanon, even just once a month!!  Take your boys with you, they're old enough now.  

Since he has lived there for a while, serve him with an eviction notice.  Check your local laws, but once he gets the notice he has 30 days to get out, or you can throw him and his craap out.  

[dominosarah]

I am sorry you are going thru this.  It is time to take care of yourself now.  You have medical issues that need to be taken care of.  You and your boys deserve better.  Until he is ready to give up the pills nothing will change for him.  It can change for you as you dont need to live like this anymore.  Take care of yourself.  Keep us posted.........sara

[kane332]

like everyone has said here more than likely he is shooting,but there is something called "speedballing" where you mix oxy contin and other harsh drugs together i dont know a whole lot about it but if i remember right this sounds very familar to what one of my friends was into right before his od (my friend did make it).im very sorry for you and your family.

[noknowledge]

Thank you. I guess I just needed the validation. I figured he may be shooting up something but it's so hard for me to believe since this guy hates needles. But I guess the urge for it can override the fear. 7 years ago I would have freaked, done what I could to help him/control it, anything.  The relationship has become like a plant, given enough time without water and care and the plant withers and dies, that's us. When I made up my mind months back that it was over, I knew in my "gut" he would never change. He is happy abusing the drugs and I he has always smoked pot. When we were first back together and the pot came out 6 months into the makeup I did think back to what they say at Alanon.  An addict can not do just one substance/pot/alchohol. When hes an addict after awhile he will want the bigger high. I feel sad for him, no sorry so much but sad. My boys are now almost 18 and 19 and back when they were younger they knew something was wrong. I explained it and took them to Alateen. I figured not only would it help them with his abuse, but also in their future incase it should be a friend/or brother. I want them to know it's a disease and not something they can change or control and it's not their fault. Kids always blame themselves and he had helped raise them since they were only 4 and 5. He was like a father to them but the past 18 months he has become so distant, they now withdraw from him. He is just the guy who sleeps on the couch and takes up space. They feel resentment, we all do. I feel resentment that he let us down, never is steady anymore with helping financially, he doesn't help clean, yardwork, he does absolutely nothing, nothing. I do not enable him. I will cook for the family but not just for him. I will wash a load of laundry,if his in the hamper they get done, but I won't do his. I ask him to go to therapy, he refused. He keeps yelling and saying over and over that he is moving soon, but nothings been packed. He is lazy. Every month he is supposed to move out and everymonth at the time he is sick with the flu and misses a lot of work. Even I know no one gets the flu that often. I can spot withdrawals now and they are coming faster and faster. He stole some of my pain meds. I can get 30 and they will last me 4 or 5 months. I have Ankloysing Spondylitis. Neuropathy, 3 ruptured disks in my back and a tumor on my adrenal galnd.. I have two tumors and am getting ready to get biopsy's. The dr's are fairly sure that it is stage 1, early and completely curable.IThis week I woke up with Shingles along my rigcage and back if you have had Shingles you know the pain. I have been going through all this, on top of an infected gallbladder. I have been working everyday for 6 weeks with intense pain and a fever for 6 weeks up to 102, moms do that.  I get resentful he just lays around watching tv. Sick with the flu again and can't do anything. Yet I take care of the house, grocery store, cleaning while he is dying in bed.  I wonder how long before his job fires him. Every week and I mean every week he is off a day or two sick, I juest don't get it. Sorry to ramble on but it's not something I talk to anyone else about and here no one will judge me. He stole 30 of my meds so that makes 120 in one week! I would think it would kill him and I am just waiting for the day he doesnt't wake up!  Thank you so much for listening and responding. It makes me feel so much better just knowing there is someone out there who understands what I feel.  I want him to move out, I am no longer in love with him for he is nolonger the man I feel in love with 14 years ago and it's time to move on. And owhatamistake? I am going to tear the house up, because I can't see how he would carry something on him, but he could keep it in his truck. He spends a long time in the bathroom and a long time sitting in his truck sometimes. Friends who know how he is acting, but dont' know about the drugs think he could be seeing someon else. I just laugh, he is home everynight right after work and only leaves for a couple of hours on Sundays. I know he goes and falls asleep on parents couch.  He is to lazy to find somewone else and I can't imagine someone wanting to date him. He has zero personality now and only shows Thanks again

[owhatamistake]

From my past....Hidden water and spoons.....all I can say is if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck and walks like a duck, I dare say it's a duck.  I'd tear the house apart looking for needles....no kidding.  They're most likely there.....somewhere. The best of luck!

[JENZ_N_RECOVERY]

hi.....i to was addicted to roxyz and oxyz....the spoons and bottled water are DEFINALTY from shootin them....i was doin the same thing..so trust me on this!!! he is shootin them up!!!! it is very dangerous...i have been clean for over 100 days....i got on suboxone for 5 weeks and now im off of that too.....BUT....the only way for him to stop is if HE wants too....you can want it all you want but until he makes up his mind...you cant do anything....im sorry but its just fact! b/c if my mother could have gotten me clean i would have about 1000 days now~ :) im here if u wanna chat...i would be more than happy to help and if you have anymore ?'s just PM me!!
best of luck to ya!
~~~~HUGZ~~~~                    JENZ

[kim715]

You know him better then any of us,and you've been down this road with him before so you know what he's like when he's abusing drugs.You're best bet is to go with what you feel in your gut on this one.It rarely steers you wrong.You have to worry about you and your boys.You know what this is doing to you,think about what it's doing to them.The truth is until he's ready to admit he has a problem and seek help for it nothing anyone says or does is going to change that.If he's going through 90 pills in 6 days,there is a problem there and the fact that he won't talk about it and the doctor turns his back to it doesn't leave you with a lot of options.You have to do whats in the best interest of you and your kids.No matter if the spoons and water have nothing to do with whatever hes doing with the pills,although I think you need to go with your gut on that too,90 pills in 6 days is pretty excessive.I wish you all the best and keep posting.You'll find lots of support here....Peace...Kim

[avisg]

It sure sounds like he is shooting we could be wrong but it seems probable .You are right this is really not a good environment for your kids and it does not appear at this time that he plans on getting help.

[noknowledge]

He won't even talk to me so sitting down and talking about his problem is mute. I went through this with him 9 years ago and put him in rehab, came out, clean a month and right back to it. I made him move out, didn't see or talk to him for 3 1/2 years. Long story short, we ran into each other. He seemed so clear, said he had been clean for a year and wanted a second chance. I gave in. I told him I would not marry him until a year at least had passed and if things stayed good. He found out he had 4 disks in his neck that had to be removed, got donor bones fused in and a titianium plate. Of course, back to pain meds. I was worried but thought he was responsible this time. I take pain  meds, when and if I need them, that's another story. I know he is back abusing the narcotics. He runs out in less than 5 or 6 days, and that's 90 pills. Forget trying to talk to his Dr. I have done that 100 times and his MRI's warrant pain meds, but not this much and of course his tolerance is high. But he had surgery 2 years ago and I see the same pattern emerging. I won't deal with it this time, I have ask him to move out and he said he has been looking for a new place. It's been 7 months since then and he is still looking. The guy makes plenty of money, so it's not that. He hides, always hides in another room. He will not even watch TV with us. My boys are done with him. He is not mean to them, but can be mean to me. Of course, I nag and he blames me. My boys and I went to Alanon and NA 7 years ago for a year so I know what not too do. I have a feeling with the bottled water, spoons, not sure, but I have a feeling.  I really don't want to confront it this time. I just want to know what he is doing, because I don't want it in my house.My son's are very educated about this from the past and they hinted that he is doing something else? I haven't seen neddles, nothing like that and he hates neddles so that would be hard to believe. But what else could he be doing with a spoon and bottled water? Someone suggested he had Obsessive Complusive Disorder and it may have nothing to do with drugs.  13 years of this on and off, I have had enough. He relies on me for food and everything. Can anyone help me? Thank you so much

[10356]

Please re-read eagles post and think about it...... lesa

[avisg]

hummm I agree I think there is a good chance that he has a real problem .Do you know does he run out of of pills before he scripts can be refilledI have a few ideas about the spoon and water but not know for sureit may be a few things  I am not going to say .can you try sitting down and getting him to open up  

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Thats one heck of a prescription overload......not a responsible Doctor to prescribe that much...........sounds way too much like he is shooting the pills up......you use spoons for that and he needs good water since he wont sit in the kitchen to blast the stuff ....... Also from your description it sounds like he is well on the way to intense trouble with the stuff....................keep reading through the posts and maybe see if he will read them............people dont always sleep and have no interest in intimacy / communication / defensive / - - - - Good luck to you.....PM me if you need to ..........its not a good scene with the kids.....................................................