so ashamed i relapsed on day 13 i feel so horrible

[GMcp]

im so sad and angry i relapsed last night i dont even need to make excuses y cuz it dosnt matter its so stupid that i did, i had a stupid day and i easily had access to some pills and i didn't even try and stop myself i cant believe how weak i am, all bcuz of the stress in a day when i coulda just gone to bed  i wanted it one last time and it was there and i took them im so angry at myself i defiantly need major after care, i feel like **** today, just really nauseous and upset, i dont even know if this means ima have to go through detox again, after using 1 time? but if i do, well i deserve it, im so sorry to let all the ppl who have helped down, and to the ppl who are in there first few days and think that temptation wont take them like it did me, just be carful cuz i was one of the ones who said i wont have issues wanting the drugs, i dont even believe that i did this ! i wanted this sobriety to stay and i wrecked it and im going to go to meetings and do everything i can to not let it happen again, its easier than you think to pick it up again, i really dint think i was going to ever again, i feel like a failure, my sons bday is tomorrow and i feel like i let him down cuz the reason i started detoxing so early after my surgery even tho my doctor told me it was a bad idea, was to be sober for his bday week i have so much planned for him all that matters to me is my kids and my boy friend and i have such a good life so y did i do this!? im just truly ashamed and angry at myself

[dede2121]

many of us here have relapsed. pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep on going.

[GMcp]

yea shoot, sorry about that moment of annoyance with that one comment everyone who saw that :P and sorry to my friend i know you are sticking up for me and pushing me cuz you are just such a good friend, and you know thats what i need thank hun,

and yep i just had an appointment with a counselor on the subject so after care is in full gear, i wont fail as easy next time, im doin it harder and stronger this time now that i know i do hold a weakness to the drugs, i didn't know that 2 weeks ago but now i do so i have a stronger gard up and hopefully i can stay strong through everything that is happening and not give in to temptation, i wont

thank you all so much for your warm words <3

[udoschoices]

Dont just plan aftercare- DO aftercare

[sudie58]

i just wanted to say, dont be too upset, its a very hard disease this addiction, i relapsed a few times, but we can learn from them, and as long as we keep on trying we will get there!
it just shows how much aftercare is needed and always being totally aware of how vulnerable we really are, i really wish you well, you will beat this! god bless.

[confusedmom2011]

Aww sweety I feel bad for you but I know u can do it don't beat yourself up. You might not know it but u gave me a lot of encouraging words. Yout better than those piills. Gosh I am freaking I wanna beat this so bad

[whoa1]

Damn girl if I went 13 days without anything I would be dancing naked in the streets - just think of it as a little hiccup.  You have proved that you are capable of doing it; that's the important thing here.  You got the stuff to kick it.

[Emily_MHManager]

Let's get this back on track.  People react differently to different things, and it doesn't look as if anyone was being negative, just trying to share their views.  Perhaps you won't find every response helpful, but that's ok.  Take what you need, and leave the rest.

This is a public message board, and anyone is free to post, as long as they adhere to the Terms of Use (http://www.medhelp.org/termsofuse.htm).  

Now back to supporting GMcp, hopefully with no bickering.  :)

Emily

[dominosarah]

Everyone on this thread is being supportive.  Most of us know what she is going thru as we have been there.  The truth may seem negative to some but that is what we need to hear.  All the best..........sara

[domandcamismom]

I was not necessarily saying anyone here was being negative, just saying with life and people in general, brush off or ignore the people that are negative and not looking to support her.  No need to get defensive.  

[dominosarah]

Noone is being negative...........sara

[domandcamismom]

Just remember to brush off the negative people hun.  You are doing a GREAT job and that is what you need to remember!  =)

[dominosarah]

medicos wasnt criticizing you at all.  I too believe you became over confident and let your guard down, in walked a bad day and here you are.  It's the nature of the beast.  Turn the negative thoughts into positive ones and move forward.  Focus on your recovery~~sara

[medicos]

Realy sorry,never criticised u...anyway,stay blessed.

[criminy1]

You are not the first to have this happen:-)  its a setback, not a loss and the time you already put in is worth alot!

[GMcp]

domandcamismom but i do have to thank you so you know how much i appreciate you :)

***
udoschoices : good for you for making 30 days! im hoping 30 days from today ill be there too :) i dont think this will happen again this time i have a plan for after care :)

[udoschoices]

Go see my post above. I tried for 4/5 years and just now made 30 days. It isn't easy you have to work at it... You have to make it your #1 priority no matter what. As long as you learned and dont use it as an excuse to go on a bender you will be ok. Dust yourself off and get back on the horse ;)

[medicos]

You know what, I have been hurt by so many people and so many times throughout my life.So i always take care to choose my words carefully so that they dont hurt anyone. I read some of your posts when you recently started posting and found you trying to show yourself over confident,so far as,the relapse is concerned. Probably, it is this over confidnce that played role to push you to square one. I ask for your pardon if you find my words inappropriate. But try agin to give up drugs.

[domandcamismom]

No need to thank me hun, we have gotten really close and you are there for me when I need you.  It's what friends do!  I just want you to know that I am here to support you in any way possible and I am not going to get down on you if you have a bad day.  People yelling and stuff just does not do any good!

[GMcp]

domandcamismom: thank you hunneh, that is so sweet of you i love how close we have become and that i am able to feel so comfortable with talking to you, i wouldnt have been able to admit this if it wasnt for you <3

IBKleen: i remember u saying that and remember thinking that im an acception to the adiction, now i know that was crap that i thought that, i am an addict and i admit it, and im going to get all the help i can get, i have a support worker coming over at 1 this aft actually so hopefully she will have some ideas for me <3

vicki595: thanks you are right, it is so true i will start fresh with this day and just try harder this time and just focus on my busy bday week for my son and tryin to move forward thank you so much,

thank you guys, so much you mean so much to me, and have helped me so much, and i gotta keep on goin with this recovery and im going to stick to it this time

[vicki595]

Listen to me...This happens a lot!!  It's just part of the course I think...Recovery includes so many ups and downs! If it were so easy this forum wouldn't exisit!

Now,that was yesterday. It's done. Start your clean time over so you can keep good track of things and carry on. Today you are clean and you plan to be tomorrow. That's all any of us have!  You'll be okay,you won't go through withdrawals again and now you've learned an important lesson: This is a lifelong process,you have to always keep your guard up,you need to have support for the times you feel weak,you need to remind yourself everyday that you're on a mission!

I know you want this badly and I have every reason to believe you'll get there. I know you're strong,also,but remember,addiction is a very weighty animal...we can't ever forget that...

Now...get going and get that birthday party planned!!

[IBKleen]

I remember telling you "never say never" because this disease we have is cunning, baffling and powerful. I also told you it is not a matter of weakness---you have a disease and the sooner you get help for it, the sooner you can begin your recovery.

Firs thing is stop beating yourself up. The last thing you need right now and guilt and shame on top of the stress, right?

I hope you do look into aftercare this time and learn all you can learn. I don't know how you had such easy access to the pills but that is something else you will need to work on.

I am glad you came back and posted. Stick around.

[domandcamismom]

I am so sorry you had to go through that hun.  I know that it was a rough day and you got some bad news so I can understand why you did it.  It was a temporary moment of weakness but I know you are strong and can do this!  You know that I am here for you if you ever need to talk.  You are a strong woman and you know you messed up and regret it, now you just need to figure out what you can do if and when a situation like that might come up again.  I have faith in you hun and I truely believe you can do this.  Know that I am here for you and I am SUPER proud of you for admitting you screwed up, that can not be easy!  Take care and let me know if you need anything!  <3