i stumbled and trying to get back up

[Paulshew88]

I was over 21 days sober from norco and fentayl and today my back was killing me. U tried taking 2 aleve and nothing. So I figured ill take half a norco and it will give some comfort. Next thing I knew I Pope's 8 pills without thinking. I was so situated with myself and so ashamed. I didn't even realized that I did it tell I swallowed. Am I gonna go through. The wd process all over again. I knew I shouldn't kept the script and should have thrown it away. But I felt if I could beat temptation then I would be over the need for them. I went over 3 weeks sober knowing I had 200 pills in my safe and didn't take one pill the whole time today. Now I'm beating myself up over it and am scared shtless I'm gonna withdrawal all over again how can this happen. I just poured and swallowed. Then as soon as I did it I was like what the *** did I just do. I gave the pills to my wife and she locked them up at the safe at her work. What should I do. Will I withdrawal again. Will be easier or harder to deal with. Please any encouragement and advice!!!!! Was just like muscle memory to just pop them like that. The pill I cut in half was still laying on the counter afterwards. I feel like a failure and a hypocrite.

[throwindatowl]

quiting these pills is a process for sure. We learn from our mistakes. You proved to yourself you cant not take just one. You know that for sure now. I did the same thing after 6 weeks. A couple wont hurt me. Yeah right! You may have a pill hangover the next day but not wd for days. You want it man and youll get it. Its all part of the process...

[GeorgiaGirl1022]

I have been on this on again off again train for  years   I'm in day 4 wd from hydros.  Your actually believe it or not in the big picture... Well lucky. You recognized  it right away before it got too out of hand. Just step back, and go at it again. It's not too late to put it down and run away. Dont be like me and get months down the road and go through this he.. Again. Oh and flush those pills ASAP. Good luck friend! Thus time you got off easy. Take advantage

[gottilee]

Hey I did the same thing last week. Was off percs and suboxone for about 3-4 weeks but kept somes pills around figuring I could handle taking 1 or 2 if I was in severe pain. I ended up taking 8 or 9 and feeling like hell the next day. Wds dont happen after 1 day so dont worry you may feel a little hot flash at times. Just dont use again and wds wont come back bad.

[NoOC123]

The most important part is that you're still trying. You haven't given up the fight, and as long as you still have the strength to keep trekking forward, there is always hope. This is an example of how cunning the disease of addiction is. In my case, I wanted to stop using oxycontin so badly. I was watching it destroy my life, and destroy me, inside and out. I would stop, with all the intentions in the world of never going back, and then after a few weeks, i'd wake up one morning and use oxycontin without even thinking about it, and then I was right back where I was. Like something else had taken over me. It was truly baffling. I had to accept the fact that I was completely powerless over oxycontin.  I truly surrendered to drugs, and in that moment of complete desperation and willingness to do whatever it took, I was able to find real sobriety. I have four months sober now, and have been blessed with so many gifts through my sobriety. The mental obsession doesn't plague me like it once did. I go to AA meetings and work the steps, if you don't mind me asking have you ever considered NA or AA? In my case AA has allowed me to build a foundation for my life and has given me a life back full of friends, family, work, and a freedom I never thought possible. Don't let this disease bring you down, the fact that you're still trying shows that you have the strength to get to the other side of this. I know the shame that comes with relapsing. I spent a year going in circles through a vicious cycle of using, detoxing, getting sober, relapsing, and around and around. Try not to beat yourself up over the relapse, but use it as a chance to learn from it, so it doesnt happen again. Use it to motivate you. You deserve the happiness, fulfillment, and true freedom that sobriety has to offer, you just have to find it in yourself. You can do this, I believe in you.

[Nicole1105]

Hope you're doing well. Like DayToTry said, focus on how crappy these things make you feel. Remember that the next time you want to use. Sounds like you're doing a great job! Hang in there!!

[Paulshew88]

Well yesterday and today was tiff even though I slipped just once. The next day I felt sick and tired and lots of pain. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.

[Paulshew88]

thanks i never really looked at that way am haveing a tufff time sleeping but diffently ill be on tomorrow and give you an update good night.

[DayToTry]

Paul I know you can beat this.  The fact that you quit with a supply on hand shows that its what you really want to do.  You didn't quit because you ran out -- you quit because you saw that you were screwing up your life and decided to make a positive change.  That choice is still right there.  Get back on the horse.  After 21 days clean and then taking them for one day I don't think you'll have withdrawals again.  I'm anxious to see so please let me know.

Look at this whole thing another way.  I'm sure like all of us you've had times where you wondered why you quit and just wanted to take the pills again ... right?  Well now after taking some you can forget that thinking.  You took them and now you feel like crap instead of feeling better.  So not taking them is definitely the better route right?  And you see that now.  Let's move forward.

[Paulshew88]

Thanks it feels good to know I'm not alone. Ill keep everyone posted how I'm doing tomorrow thanks so much for the replies and support . Yeah I hate how these things just grab you. We can be strong. Thanks again

[Nicole1105]

(((Hugs))) I'm new here and just starting to taper off my meds, so I don't know how much of a help I can be...but I want you to know you are NOT a failure. My friend likes to say that these pills "grab your mind." Even my wonderful Dr. N told me that it's not *me,* it's the *chemicals* when I told him about my setback today. These darn things are so strong, they just take over.

I can definitely see myself in your shoes. I just gave up all of my pills to Wifey, because I know for a fact I wouldn't be strong enough to just take one. I may open the bottle with good intentions, but before you know it I'd be digging back in it to take "just one more," or "another three will get me high and then that's it, I promise..."

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, you can do it!

[Paulshew88]

Thanks for the prayer and your diffently in mine as well

[arealmess76]

Im sorry ur going through this. Not throwing away ur pills even though u stopped reminds me of how I say I'm done w coke but don't throw away my pipe. I'm praying for all of us I feel that is all I can do. I went through klonopin withdrawal and withdrawal is horrible I never understood how horrible until I went threw it the mental withdrawal frm coke can't compare w the physical......