insanity

[Korley]

I do feel like I am somewhat whacked out! Earlier I posted how I had relapsed after 5 months, and just yesterday I was swearing off pills for the rest of my life. I hate these stupid pills, but I have 8 left, which would really only mean about 1 use for me. Why do I still have them, why can't I just flush them? The other thing in my head is that I am a recovering alcoholic and I get terrified when I have to go to social functions b/c I can't use any substance. I think in the back of my mind I am thinking I can save these 8 pills for a time when I might really need them, like to help me get through a social function. I can't even believe I am thinking this or writing this, considering I just swore to myself that I was done. How can a person be so sick, literally sick from something and never want to do it again, and the very next day already considering using again. It is complete insanity!

[gizzy32]

Stop listening to the bad voices, that is the insanity talking, lol. Ziggy huh:) Ok i will be waiting for the nasty pm's now, just flush em. You have peer pressure now DO IT

[cathy5841]

yes, it is empowering...just run to the bathroom right now pitch them in and flush...dont think about it...dont listen to the voices...act like NIKE and JUST DO IT!!!!

[Korley]

ok, I am really going to try and flush them, I wonder how it's so empowering? Anyway, I just might be sending you nasty pm's later, but then I am sure I will be thanking you down the road! I just want to turn my mind off b/c I have many voices talking to me right now, one voice says flush them, the addict voice says, are you crazy, keep those 8 pills. The insanity I tell you! Thanks ziggy!

[gizzy32]

I can relate to this and i don't know how many times i hit some type of bottom, was so sickly, yet the next day i was doing coke again. It is the insanity of addiction and by keeping those 8 pills there you will go even more insane. You have to decide, are you really ready to quit. Those pills are a crutch, a fear to let them go and I say FLUSH THOSE BAD BOYS if you are serious about this. Will it be easy? No, but it will give you so much power and let your addiction know who's boss. These pills are still controlling you, but not if you don't have any. Korley, dig deep and do what you know is right. Cry, swear, send me nasty pm's if ya want after ya flush, lol, but ******* FLUSH. You can do this, you know you want to, dont' be a chicken s hit, lol. We are here for you.

[Korley]

Thanks for the comment. This was not my first time to take the pills, but I had not used since August. I guess I was just kind of shocked that they turned on me so quickly, but as they say in A.A. once an alcoholic or addict, always a alcoholic or addict. The disease does progress and you pick up right where you left off. I was just surprised that they made me sick even while they were still in my system, I could understand going through w/d's when they are not in your system. Thanks!

[worried878]

well...addiction to alcohol does lend way to a very fast addiction to the pills...if u were a heavy drinker at one time..which is hard on the tummy then now u r using the pills..which r also hard on the tummy could explain it...many cant tolerate the pills GI waise as stomach upset is a side effect for some and if u were taking large amounts then the tylenol dose is enuf to make many sick to their stomach..good luck to u

[Korley]

I just want to thank everyone for their comments, much appreciated! I really do want to flush those 8 pills, and I am going to try my best to do it, I have never done that before, I am sure it is empowering! I actually do attend A.A meetings, usually twice a week, so I do have good support, I am just not ready to come out with this yet. I did tell my husband and my sis, and my husband doesn't get it. He is not angry w/ me, he just doesn't understand why I keep going back. One other question that I have is how could the pills have made me so sick so quickly? I only was using them for about 2 weeks. I started w/ maybe 4 a day and ended up taking about 7 hydros, 10 mg. By the end of the 2 weeks, I was so sick to my stomach, it felt like I had acid in my stomach. I even threw up the last day I took the pills, and was so sick for 2 days after that. How could they do that to me?

[dominosarah]

Flush those pills.......all they will do is play mind games with you.  You are stronger than those pills........sara

[freebird227]

The definition of insanity is.....doing the same thing and expecting results. I can almost promise you beyon a shadow of a boubt...If you keep the pills you will eventually take them..so has been my experience. The other stuff you were concerned about....aren't happening right now. Time clean will help you to deal  It sounds like you have reservations abouting quiting all together   Thats reasonaable must of us do.  The paradox  is the one thind we love is killing us..........and yet to let go of the dope feels like we can't live without.it......You are going to need some support NA would be a good place to start   Good Luck

[worried878]

yey..u can do it!  flushing can be empowering!  show s who has control..not the pills but u have the control and flushing can help u take that control back

[cathy5841]

You are not alone.  i promise you that 95% of us have.  it is the addiction in you making you think you can hold on to them just in case.  your body will do all kinds of things make you think you can control it.   YOU CAN NOT....those 8 pills will drive you crazy.  on the other had is you could flush them it would be telling the addiction you are startind to talk control and keep it.  so go ahead and flush NOW...we will wait to hear that swoosh. LOL..come on yu can do it...

[worried878]

not insanity really or there would be a whole bunch of insane people living on this earth...and maybe there is but that is the definition of addiction ...what u just described...if it were easy to put down there would not be a name for the disease/or the problem/whatever u wish to call it...and fears of facing fears..can only be overcome by getting out there and facing what u r afraid of..lol..easy to type isnt it?  not so easy to do in real life but do-able..i was afraid of elevators for most of my life..it became crippling when i went to work in a hospital with 12 floors and i had to go to the top several times a day...one day i just rode up and down by myself...and to this day i can get on an elevator/even by myself...about a month after i overcame this i got stuck in one for 2 hours...at first i thought i would panic and got all sweaty...but i focused on sumpin else and made it...and we always do..if u went to a party right now without the pills or the alcohol..u would make it!  dont talk urself out of the good decision u have made to quit..keep posting as the forum is a great place to be for u right now..lots of support here

[tammyk_40]

The most obvious insanity of the disease of addiction is the obsession to use drugs. When we stop using drugs, we begin to feel the pain of living without them or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use. We can find relief in Narcotics Anonymous. Im sure there is a hotline in your local phonebook for NA. Keep posting!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Complete insanity? Really just something that you need to get over........dont want to break the news - but you are most likely sane!  The 8 in stash could just about as well be Linus (Charlie Brown & Peanuts gang) security blanket. The pills do have that strong of a hold on us........but you are not taking them! Congratulations. You will eventually divorce them and you get custody of the house.  Be certain to have some type of aftercare - - - even this forum and other addicts in recovery do a nice job on everything.