who do you turn to?

[mark8020]

my question is not about the drugs (hydrocodone), or the withdrawls. i was doing a pretty good job of hiding my addiction, or so i thought, from everyone in my life. all the pills were aquired from the street. i have wanted, like most of us, to get off of them for a while now, but i knew it would take me getting flat out caught for anything to change. a week ago, my girlfriend, who is the mother of my child, found my stash. as much as part of me was upset, the biggest part of me was actually relieved. this is the best way to kickstart my sobriety. my problem now is that i don't have any understanding from her. instead of being there to help me, she is becoming more of a probation officer than a confidant.  i don't expect her to trust me in the least, i know i wouldn't if the roles were reversed, but does anyone have any advise as to how i can work on getting better all the while being reminded of how unfair this is for her. she thinks i don't know, like i haven't thought a billion times how she deserves someone much better than me.  when there is no trust, what else is there?

[Jaybay]

I am in the same position as your girlfriend.  Sure she's angry, upset and confused.  She's just discovered that you're a complete stranger.  It's going to take time and real effort on your part to save the relationship.  Listen to domino.  Trust must be earned and the best way to earn it is by actually working your recovery with either private addiction therapy or NA/ AA.  My husband refused aftercare is now relapsing on vicodin and beer.  I guess he's forgotten the horror of sub detox and believes the fairy tale that he has an "off" switch.  I pray you don't make the same mistake.

[mark8020]

you are right. i dont deserve trust, and she should be so much more than angry. i guess i am just worried about losing everything. i have been through this before, and the easiest option was to basically start over. i have worked hard to regain my life, now i am destroying it again. i want to regain myself without losing things that don't need to be given up, and every day i see it all slipping farther from me. i am only six days clean, i have forever to go, but this time i still do not feel proud of myself for making the decision to stop, especially when all i am hearing is how unfair i have made others lives. i wish i had a time machine...

[dominosarah]

Trust can be earned back.  With addicts our actions speak louder than words.  She is hurt and angry right now and that is okay.  Allow her to feel what she is feeling.  As for you all you can do is continue to move forward and do whatever it takes to stay clean.  Have you thought anything about recovery care?  Maybe she could check out Alanon.....