Please Help Me - Need advice for next Dr. Appointment

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Okay, so some of you's are way ahead of me and many of you's may have done this before, so I really need some guidance.  I go back to see my doctor next week.   Bahahahah!!!!!  Here's an addict looking for a pill/liquid/injection to feel better.  Some things never change, how ironic!  But there has to be legit medications, that are not narcotics that can help.  Of even "oh natural" stuff that can.   What I need help with is:  1.  The Insomnia - I am taking Gravol, not everyday, but a lot.  If it gets really bad, I take Ativan.  Problem is the more I read and research about sleeping aides, the more I realize that any type is not really good for you long term.  2.  The Sadness & Depression - I know it takes time and it has only been 17 days, but being sad and depressed is one of the reasons I took pills.  I don't want to be sad anymore.  I truly am not just looking for a quick fix, I know there are people out there who have gone through this....what helps?????  3.  The lack of energy and drive -  This may be the worst.  I just don't want to do anything.  Things are NOT fun anymore. I know it is a mindset and that I have to change it and that it takes time, but there has to be ways to make this easier.  It is because of these things that people relapse and go back to using, I am sure of it.  I don't want this to happen to me.  I want my life back.  I don't want these drugs to "own ME" anymore.  I want the freedom, but good God, there has to be something I can do, besides praying, all the time!!!!!!!
Any advice, suggestions, help, what worked for you, what didn't?????  I will try anything.  Please help me!Thanks again, everyone, I really do appreciate all your support and kindness and love......

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

I did write out my daily journal, well at least for the first week.  I always want to be able to remember how bad that week really was.  I never want it to fade in my memory.  I also wrote a good bye letter to my DOC, and it is already 10 pages long.  Every time I remember something horrible that happened or a stupid decision I made, or something important that I forgot.  I go back to the "break-up" letter and tell my DOC off.  When I really, really want to use again, or when I have talked myself into "doing it just once", I go back and re-read it.  I don't even have to finish it anymore.  It's almost like I have to re-train my brain.  Because my brain in convinced it wants it again.  

[Teresa1717]

EXACTLY!!! Just remember, any bad day CLEAN is better and any good day using!!! Always! You will always have memories of when you used. Its kinda like a scar, but never stop reminding yourself of how bad it got!! In fact, you should write down today ALL the things you use to have to do to get your pills, and how you felt when you didnt have them, and how you felt in your first days of detox!! And when you feel like "hey, I can take a pill now, no problem" read that letter! I have one, actually alot of people do. I have read mine about a dozen times already.

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

That is an awesome way to describe it.  I could never have done this without you.  I definitely had no idea how much support I would have going through this.  The good and the bad!  I was 5 days clean before I even started looking on line.  God brought me right to you guys!  I believe it with all my heart.  You all keep me clean.  Without your opinions, thoughts and suggestions, and yes sometimes, straight up calling me on my B. S., I would have given up.  Its just too hard to do alone.  On the days where I just can't remember why I even bother to stay clean, there isn't anyone on here who is shy to tell me exactly why I quit.  It's kind of like pregnancy, you forget most of the pain and agony, and only remember that awesome feeling.  Except as time goes on, it seems I remember less and less about how "great" it was and more about how it almost completely destroyed me and my family.  Thanks again for all your support!

[Teresa1717]

Well you know the saying, cant BS a bulls**ter! hahahaha We addicts get VERY good at the art of the BS! But dont worry, we are all here to keep each other on the straight and narrow!  :)  This sight helped save my life and I know it did! And there are a handful of people here that I owe so  so much to! Especially  in the last few days! Ive said this before, and its true. As one we are weak, but together we are unstopable! :)

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

I know they have done it to me as well.  No matter how hard I tried to convince them or myself that I wasn't b. s.ing, or being manipulative, or trying for the easy way out, they were always right.  Which is why this site works so much for so many people.  You guys say it like it is, no sugar coating (or at least not too much) and you say what our friends and family can't or won't, because they don't want to hurt our feelings.  I would much rather be set straight by one of you's, then to find myself using again.  So, tough love, it is for all of us.......lololol.

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Thanks again.  I really appreciate the advice.  Now I have to sit down and make a list.....lololol.  I am doing lots of things, like those God awful "green shakes", taking anti-oxidants and vitamins...etc. So they can all affect what is going on with me.  

[Teresa1717]

Oh yeah, There are definitely a few people on here that will call bulls**t on you if you tried to not be honest with yourself especially! :) They have done it to me! LOL Ouch... haha

Your doing all the right things honey, Just keep fighting! Your going to win this battle!!

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Okay thanks for the heads up...they must conflict with each other than, right?  I am sure he will know.  I know I was seeing a Naturopath a few years back and I had a huge reaction, because I wasn't honest about the Narco's.  So I will let him know everything I am doing and everything I am taking. I also don't Dr. shop anymore and don't use several different pharmacies anymore.  Doesn't work anymore, anyhow.....lolololol.  It's not like the good old days, now you get caught.  So only one main doctor and one pharmacy!  But it does bring up a good point about OTC drugs that may react as well.  I know certain foods really mess up some medications as well.  You are the best!  Thanks so much!

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Thanks so much!  I do tell the doctor everything.  I am as honest as I can be, without hurting myself and my family, with everyone.  I think it is part of the whole healing process.  If I am not honest, it won't work.  I don't run around telling everyone, everything, of course because you need to have boundaries.  But one thing I have learned in the process is that you can't be a little honest or a little dishonest.  You either are or you are not.  Now that being said, did I tell anyone at my office that I am a "pill head", no I did not.  When I told my boss that I was going on Medical Leave, did I tell her that I was a "pill head", no I did not.  I would most definitely lose my job.  But I did tell them exactly what I was going through, that I was tired all the time, that I was sad, that I just didn't seem to want to do anything, that I was having huge trouble sleeping, and digesting, and living...etc.  I did tell all my doctors, my chiropractor, my acupuncturist, my massage therapist, my pharmacist, my close family and friends the "whole truth", that way I have burned all my bridges and do have a good support network.  And of course I am completely honest with all you guys.  You would see right through it, even if I was lying to myself you guys would call me on it.  Which is why I need you all so much.  Thanks again for your support!

[Teresa1717]

Pat is absolutely right!! You cant take St Johns wort with certain medications. Just because its "all natural" doesnt ALWAYS mean safe especially when mixed with certain meds! Thats why I said make sure you talk to him first before you take the St. Johns wort because I dont know what meds you take now or if he will give you anti-depressents or whatever

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Thanks Pat, I really appreciate your comments.  I am so scared of anti-depressants.  I know they are good for you if you just can't produce dopamine or endorphins, and of course I can't, I have destroyed all that with years of self-medicating.  My poor neurotransmitters are probably in a coma at this point.  How could I expect myself to be any better after 17 days, when I have been doing this to myself for years and years....

And I do tell my doctor everything and really take his guidance.  In my last visit I spend and hour and 45 minutes pouring my heart out about everything.  He knows everything, all the good, the bad and the ugly!!!!  Of course I am not a rat so I didn't give up the names of my dealers (who which by the are really "good" friends, as they are still calling me, and texting me, and facebooking me everyday.  My quitting must be very bad for their business.  I definitely was a "cash cow" for many of them).  So, ya, he does know about all the withdrawals and side effects.  But also during that visit, he said it sounded like I knew more than he did and if I found something to try or that might help to let him know.  And of course, after a week of Dr. Google, I have Teresa's suggestion of B12 and St. John's Wort.  Other than time I have come up with "time", "waiting it out" and "praying".  Some research shows that it can take years for your brain to get back to normal. I am just afraid that if the sadness and energy don't improve I might slip.  I am terrified of the upcoming holidays.  I haven't had a "straight" Christmas in.......ever, at least not since I was a child.  That's terrible eh!  I am also getting regular Massage Therapy, Acupuncture, I am seeing a Chiropractor and a will start seeing a counselor as soon as my EAP can get me in.  Thanks again for your help!

[Pat1956100]

Just a warning if he does put you on an anti depressant, I don't think you can take St. John's Wort as well.  Be careful with mixing things and check it out.
Good luck and I know you will stay strong today.

[Bkitty]

You are my Medhelp twin!!
The best advice I can give is you need to be as honest as you can about your depression and addiction. Does your doctor know? I abused pain meds as well because I was in pain. Emotionally. I addressed the core reason why  I abused drugs and saw a doctor to get medications to help balance me out. Once my depression was addressed I actually didn't feel the need to self medicate. Sometimes (LOL) I do/did miss the high. Medcations are only 10% in the treatment of depression. Therapy/aftercare is 90% of the treatment of depression. Insomnia is common symptom of depression and once the meds evened me out the insomnia resolved somewhat. Tell your doctor everything that you mentioned above. Medication treatment for depression a lot of the times is trial and error and it can take a few try's to find the right combo for you. Youll be surprised how your mind and brain function once the depression is treated. Im proud of you!! (((hugs)))

[Livingtodaylikeitsmylast]

Thank you so much!  The addict/quick fix part of me really shows it's ugly head when I get down.  Things just seem to hard to manage.  The first week, I just prayed and said I would be happy if I could just get out of bed.  Then the second week, I just wanted to be able to take care of my house and my family.  Now heading into the third week, I want it all!!!   And you are right 17 days is awesome.  I remember the first day I found you guys.  I think it was day 5, and I seen people with 10 days and 15 days and would think I can't wait to see those days.  I never thought I would make it, yet here I am so I should be very proud of that.  I am very worried about anything that might become addictive.  That is the last thing I need at this point.  But if there is something like the B12 shot (which I have never heard of...lololol) or the St. John's Wort (again no idea!!!) that can help and it is natural so it can't be too bad.  But again you are right it is the addict in me, looking for a quick cure.  My doctor's appointment is actually for an update to see how I am doing with going "cold turkey", I am also going to be going on medical leave so I need a Dr.'s note for that, and he wants some information from me to give other patients. (like this website, and info about Subs).  He also wasn't sure, at my last appointment, what he could do to help me so he was going to looking into things for me.  Maybe he has all the answers...lmao!  Anyhow, thanks you have been a great help.  

[Pat1956100]

I wish I had the answers.  I think you need to tell your doctor everything you just told us.  He may want to start you on an anti depressant for awhile.  Listen to what he has to say and of course you don't want narcotics.  An anti depressant may be just what you need.  It won't kick in for a couple of weeks but they do help and save lives.
You have been thru a lot and you sound like you are depressed.  No shame in asking him for help.
Let us know what he says.

[Teresa1717]

Hey there and first off congrats on 17 days!! Thats nothing to shake a stick at , at all and you should be very proud of yourself!

So I want to ask, Your going to the Dr to get medications to help with these symptoms? Or for another reason? Im just a little confused on that. It sounds like the old addict in you is trying to come through and find that cure all, been there done that believe me!!! haha But IMO I think you should try to avoid any meds unless maybe for the depression/anxiety because I know alot of us addicts even if undiagnosed, have had depression before using which is why these pils helped us so much. The meds that they can give you to help with sleep can be addictive and I would avoid them if you can. Have you tried Alteril?  One thing you could ask your Dr. for is a B12 shot. That will certainly help with yoru energy and is safe, all natural and not addictive. But they also have OTC B12 sublingual tabs or liquid that you can get. Its not as good as the Injection IMO but it works and doesnt involved a needle :)  (I dont mind giving, just HATE getting shots! haha)

They also have St. Johns Wort for Depression which is OTC but I would talk to your Dr. First before you take this because it is can interact with other meds if you take them.

Anyways, I hope this helped some. I think your doing great and I hope you consider trying to NOT replace one med for 3 others if you can avoid it and dont just need it to get over this hump. Your so close to feeling a world better, I know it doesnt feel like it at times but your getting there! :)

Have a Great Thanksgiving!! :)