looking for Guidance and Support

[newchapter523]

Hi All,

     I need some help and I know I can count on you guys, I would like to give you some background on myself. I have been basically self medicating myself for a longtime. During my life I have drank,smoke cigaretttes smoked pot,,snorted blow, and of course taken pills. Everything BUT the pills was manageable and was more a once a week thing to let some steam off and hang out with friends. Now that I'm older all the other stuff went out the window and the pills became number one. I didn't have hangovers anymore and could take them everyday and "function", yeah right.
     So here I am on day 22 of my sobriety from EVERYTHING. Yesterday was a hard day for me. I had issues with work, started my first day of therapy, and got into a fight with my wife. I came up stairs in the evening to be alone and broke down. It is so hard to feel all this stuff now without being numbed out and able to take a pill. I have been doing them for so long that it is like I have to learn this all over and it feels BAD. On top of this I no longer have any escape hatches and I am realizing I have no coping skills. I lost touch with most of friends because of not drinking anymore and sliding into my own pill addiction.
     My therapist suggested a 12 step program like AA or NA to seek support. My wife reacted VERY negatively to this saying she wasn't interested in being with someone belonging to a cult. Now my wife has been SUPER supportive and quit drinking 3 months ago to help me so I think she has some issues of coping herself. Anyways I find myself here up at 3AM pretty depressed.  I have felt this way for about a week still feeling pretty lost in my own life. Can't turn back, Can't move forward, just stuck. So as I write this with tears in my eyes I am hoping you will give me the kick in the a## I need. Sorry to sound like a big baby.  I'm kinda embarresed to spill this out but I need help and figure someone might be able to relate. Thanks
    

[newchapter523]

tigerlily - Thanks so much... You know my greatest therapy is trying to help others.I guess sometimes though I have to look at myself. I too am taking Wellbutrin but I just had a bad night. Sometimes you know you get overwhelmed with your emotions. I'm feeling much better. I think just writing it out helps. I'm glad I could help you and I know we are pretty close together in our days of sobriety so your rollercoaster is mine too. STAY STRONG and fight on !!! thanks

Jennifer - Thanks so much for words. My wife has chilled some about the AA thing and hopefully she comes to accept eventually. If not then oh well It is for me anyways.

Well off to watch my Bruins hopefully kick some Canuck Butt!! go B's

[tigerlily11]

heynewchapter, you have been so helpful in the last few days and i have enjoyed your posts on my thread, they helped pull me thru!! Im still obviously very new to being clean so I dnt know if I should be giving advice, but you have been so helpful to me, I would like to help you also. I have started going to just regular therapy and taking an antidepressant, and that seems to be helping me. Also, I started going to church and that has been a tremondous help! Pray, read the bible, Isaiah ch 55 really helped me. Check it out! Also, just getting outside every day, getting some sun and some movement, some exercise has really helped. Also take atleast a multivitamin everyday! And of course I post on here like crazy :) Anyways, just some suggestions, things that helped me. Im praying for you! We are in this fight together and WE WILL WIN!!!

[JenniferLutt]

I agree with vicki. I know right now it seems very hard to feel this way with the crying and all. I had a hard time just letting myself feel the emotions and I am still learning to cope. AA and NA are not cults. I think its great you are going. I know this may be hard to hear right now but if your wife cant accept the fact that you are trying to help yourself then maybe you need to take that into consideration. I went thru the same thing with my ex I wanted to get clean and wanted to do whatever it took to do so. But he didnt and I stayed with him and and tried to fight off the addiction battle and needless to say I didnt win. I went right back to the drugs b/c it was no longer my #1 priority. Only for a few months later for him to leave. I kicked myself in the rear for a long time and fought with my addictions on and off for another 2 years. I am not saying that what you are going thru will turn out like mine I am just saying put yourself and your sobriety first.

[newchapter523]

thanks so much for the advice. Everything looks A LOT darker at 3 AM:) I hadn't even noticed the addiction social community before. I always just came str8 here. Yes this is my first time being sober for any length of time (more than probably a week) in over 30 years. So i know I'm gonna hit a lot bumps. Thank you for your kind words and YES I'm gonna go to AA by myself.

[vicki595]

Hey!!   I'm up,too!  Not for the same reason though I'm sorry I didn't see your post sooner...

Is this your first time being totally clean and sober?  Sounds like it... All the emotion that you're feeling is completely normal AND it's good. It doesn't feel good right now but it is.

AA is not a cult!  LOL!...go anyway...right now it's all about you,okay?  Be proud of those 22 days, as well.  YOU did that!!!

Now, jump over to the "addiction social community"...there's a thread there by "addict 3".
Read it. It's really good!

Things only look bleak right now but they're really not...hang on and you'll see!!   And you are not a baby!!   You're feeling!!