Aa
help me please
I am 34 years old have been struggling with a crack addiction for 7 yrs off and on.. was clean for almost 3 yrs opened my own business 8 months ago and relapsed shortly after.. rehab didn't work or aa.... I honestly and sincerely wanna stop just can't seem too... any advice will help
I've struggled with addiction myself as have everyone on this thread and it took me to get a 2nd DUI to finally realize that being sober is a great feeling. I know what you are dealing with is a totally different kind of addiction but like everyone else has been saying holding it in yourself and not getting help will only stress you out 100 times more. Every advice on here is easier said then done. I struggled with amphetamines also and I finally opened up to my close friends and my family members. Your not going to get better overnight with opening up because it is just a step but you will feel a great deal of pressure subside from you and then further actions of help will need to be taken. Your family members probably have no clue what your addiction is like and it is normal to get frustrated because you feel all alone and that no one understands which is hard. But low and behold you made a wise decision by talking about your problem on this site because there are millions of people out there going through addiction. This site is very helpful because a lot of people have been in your shoes. Keep expressing yourself on here when you are struggling and please open up to someone. Try not to get so down on yourself either because you are not alone. God bless and there is light at the end of the tunnel and the high looking back once you beat your addiction will be far greater then the high you ever felt on the drug of your choice.
You need all the support you can get right now. I kept my addiction a secret for far too long and damn it was stressful. I hope you will reconsider talking to your family. We are also here if ya need to vent- this site has helped me immensely. Take care friend...
Hey there. I was in the same boat as you. My husband had no clue I was on oxys and he had no clue what a suboxone was. I actually had him convinced when I went to an outpatient care program that it was for my depression. After many years of hiding this and that and everything else I had to tell him. He was the same as your hubby(hated pills and anyone who did them he considered "trash"), he changed his mind about how he views people now like myself. Congrats on 80 days clean- awesome! Your story just caught my eye. Take care.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Lizzy hit the nail on the head!!! If our families have a good understanding of what addiction is and what it can do, then they shouldnt turn their backs.
My addiction w/d took me out of commission for over 30 days and without my family, id have never made it! I sat my husband and all 4 kids down and told them ( what was stupifying was that they already knew!!) And they rallied around me so i could succeed. The other great deterent was that they ALL KNEW so they knew what to look for if i started using again. It held me accountable until i could do it myself. Getting clean is one thing, staying clean is a whole other ballgame! U know this....you went to rehab! U have some knowledge of how to do this....make the decision....!!! Honesty, openmindedness and willingness!
My addiction w/d took me out of commission for over 30 days and without my family, id have never made it! I sat my husband and all 4 kids down and told them ( what was stupifying was that they already knew!!) And they rallied around me so i could succeed. The other great deterent was that they ALL KNEW so they knew what to look for if i started using again. It held me accountable until i could do it myself. Getting clean is one thing, staying clean is a whole other ballgame! U know this....you went to rehab! U have some knowledge of how to do this....make the decision....!!! Honesty, openmindedness and willingness!
This is my first comment on this site, but your situation is something I feel I can help you with--to a certain extent. I relapsed early this year after being clean for four years. I too was terrified to tell my family and friends because I put them through hell before I got clean and they were all so very proud of me for staying clean for as long as I did. Now, I didn't tell everyone that I relapsed, just my mother and brother--the two closest family members in my life. They were so overwhelmingly supportive and so thankful I confided in them before it had gone too far and they lost me again. What I am getting at is this: despite having putting our families through Hell in the past, they will still be here for us. Maybe they will be upset, maybe they might turn their back for a brief moment, but chances are if they were there for you during your first bout, they will stand strong with you through this one too. You NEED people to help you through this, you need a support system. Please talk to your family members and friends, not all of them, just the ones you truly feel will help you. Best of luck to you. I truly hope this all turns out well for you. <3
Honestly I was thinking about trying some kind of physcatris I think my triggers are more mental that overwhelming thought of impending doom
COMMUNITY LEADER
I hear ya, this is not your first rodeo and i respect that. Im thinking though, this is alot to take on alone, so i ask do you have a close friend u can rely on that can be private? Im not sure about the w/d off of crack, but i have a friend who recently left N/A to go do some more "research and development" with this particular drug. He occasionally calls me to describe an "organ grinder" on his back....it must be a beast!
Its great that u turned your life around, got clean, and got the important things in life, a good family that loves u so much your scared to let them down. Use that as your ammunition in your head, put those wonderful people in your head when your fighting this!!! Because this is definatly a fight, a fight for your life!!!!!
U will also need to find some sort of aftercare. ..if your family believes your in recovery, then do u think u could do N/A or SMART Recovery?? Maybe see an addiction therapist? Without throwing up any red flags?
Its great that u turned your life around, got clean, and got the important things in life, a good family that loves u so much your scared to let them down. Use that as your ammunition in your head, put those wonderful people in your head when your fighting this!!! Because this is definatly a fight, a fight for your life!!!!!
U will also need to find some sort of aftercare. ..if your family believes your in recovery, then do u think u could do N/A or SMART Recovery?? Maybe see an addiction therapist? Without throwing up any red flags?
I truly appreciate everyone comments u don't know what a relief it is to have people to talk to about this... the first day hasn't been to bad yet I am truly committed to closing the book on this chapter of my life... the reason I can't talk to any of my family because I've put them thru this all before and changed my life around for over three years and it would crush them.. as of now all is not lost still have alot of positive things in my life.. and honestly no one suspects that the same Ole me came back... I'm giving it all I got thank you all
Hang in there sweetie! I'm in the same boat and am so thankful I found this site! I'm trying to get off percocets myself and can't get into a dr until Feb! Like you, I have a lot to lose that I have worked my whole life for if I don't get this under control. Those are the things that I try to think about. I've relapsed plenty of times but keep telling myself that I won't quit quitting! We can all do this together. I'm terrified what I will go through, physically and mentally, once I'm out of the suboxone I got from a friend. I think the fear of the unknown is as bad as the addiction itself. I never felt like AA helped me either. I'm not an alcoholic so they didn't even want to discuss my addiction and NA meetings are harder to find. Hang in there. Post often. Stay strong!
COMMUNITY LEADER
If i might ask, what makes u think that the people around u would not support u? If your referring to your family, dont u think perhaps your not giving them enough credit?
BTW....alot of times we think our loved ones dont know, but they usually do. We are kidding ourselves when we think no one knows.
BTW....alot of times we think our loved ones dont know, but they usually do. We are kidding ourselves when we think no one knows.
Honey...not everyone will turn their back on you. Certainly NA or CA wouldn't. They hear relapse stories all the time. You say rehab didnt' work. May I suggest, it didnt' work THIS time...probably because you weren't looking out for the triggers and going to ANY lengths to avoid them, or at least deal with them in non-drug using ways?
Things seem hopeless to you because you are actively using right now. The minute you open up to another addict, you are on the road to recovery. Find a meeting. Where I live, there is "Cocaine Anonymous" and even "Crack Anonymous." but NA would do just as well. Fine one no matter how far away it is, walk in and talk to someone (an old-timer...NOT a newbie, preferably.)
People relapse over and over again before they get clean; in fact, it is considered part of the recovery process. You want to quit. You came on here. That tells me a lot. You can do this...you just need a much stronger and more organized after-care program...such as at LEAST one meeting (preferably 2) a day, a sponsor, and maybe some therapy with an addiction specialist.
Crack affects the dopamine receptors in our brains...very powerful pleasure centers. There is a reason that we have an epidemic of crack addiction In the U.S. and abroad right now. If you feel you can't tell your family, I understand, but tell SOMEONE.
Please post here often...let us know how you are doing. You can do this, I know you can.
Hugs,
-R.
Things seem hopeless to you because you are actively using right now. The minute you open up to another addict, you are on the road to recovery. Find a meeting. Where I live, there is "Cocaine Anonymous" and even "Crack Anonymous." but NA would do just as well. Fine one no matter how far away it is, walk in and talk to someone (an old-timer...NOT a newbie, preferably.)
People relapse over and over again before they get clean; in fact, it is considered part of the recovery process. You want to quit. You came on here. That tells me a lot. You can do this...you just need a much stronger and more organized after-care program...such as at LEAST one meeting (preferably 2) a day, a sponsor, and maybe some therapy with an addiction specialist.
Crack affects the dopamine receptors in our brains...very powerful pleasure centers. There is a reason that we have an epidemic of crack addiction In the U.S. and abroad right now. If you feel you can't tell your family, I understand, but tell SOMEONE.
Please post here often...let us know how you are doing. You can do this, I know you can.
Hugs,
-R.
i too kept my secret for years and tried to get clean since 2010 unsuccessfully went the sub route never told my husband or family about it no aftercare nothing i relapsed and was on and off subs/opiates for the next 3 years then i found this site and EVERYONE on here told me i had to tell my dirty little secret to my husband (he is totally against pills hates them and people who do them) so how could i possible tell him? and meetings? how will i do that without him finding out this stuff wasn't an option i was going to do it on my own yea right sorry but that is an impossible feat esp if you are married i relapsed several times since january finally i told my husband my parents my family started going to meetings well finally i had to go to a 30 day rehab and now i go to meetings and i have 80 days clean today with the help of my hubby family and AFTERCARE aftercare is so important!!!!!! you will not i repeat NOT be successful in your recovery without it and thats just a fact jack best of luck to both of you guys
Tired and Gbear, welcome! I am so happy to see that you two peeps found each other. It is awesome to have a buddy while going through this. Vic posted some great info and a great read above. Believe me this chickie knows what she preaches! One thing I can say that I know to be truth.....secrets don't make for a successful recovery. I hope you don't have to find out the hard or looooooong way. I too have been an addict for over 30yrs...alcohol, benzos, amphetamines and opys. Secrets equal relapse.
I pray that the two of you find your way, swiftly and with as little pain and discomfort as possible. Stay hooked up with MH family, read other posts, ask questions. Be strong. You guys can do this! Peace hugs
I pray that the two of you find your way, swiftly and with as little pain and discomfort as possible. Stay hooked up with MH family, read other posts, ask questions. Be strong. You guys can do this! Peace hugs
Hi & Welcome. It is a bit slow right now. Many of us that have been clean and on here for a few yrs or so just wave in & out these days.
Addiction is a Brain Disease and with ANY disease we need HELP & SUPPORT.
I came clean over a couple of yrs ago and got really hooked on the Methadone that I got prescribed after the other opiates. Then I was snorting Adderral with it. I do not have ADHD and had to buy the Adderral from the streets. I thought in my addictive brain that it was OK, because it was a med. These 2 drugs were just like my Crank days in the later 70-80s. I would take a benzo to come down at night. I went c/t from all 3 and experienced many stages of healing for months and months.
The BIG thing about Addiction is that it is a progressive disease. I started using & drinking at the age 14 off & on and never thought nothing about it, except that I liked to go party..OR everyone was trying some new drug as each year went bye. NOW since I have been working the hardest I have ever in my later 50s, I now know more about this awful disease. If you can look it up in a more Scientific way you will understand a bit more and what it does to the Brain and all that wiring up stairs. It unbalances the Chems, Hormones and Transmitters. This will not cure you but it will help you understand a bit more..The meeting will too. There is a part of the brain that is the Pleasure part, the mid-brain-survival part. This is part of the Brain that drugs take over and Nothing matters in life as far as survival but Drugs, or any thing you are Addicted too. This is where it becomes Beyond Willpower.
A couple yrs back I had my Family watch and read alot on the Nature of Addiction and also Addiction and the Pleasure Pathway. Also there was a couple of great Videos out that explained it all in a more scientific way..This helped my Family to understand that it is not my fault that I am a Addicted and that I had no control. They did learn alot from all these videos and readings. There SUPPORT was so awesome and they where the ones that kept me on earth, reminding me that this ALL will take time to balance out. YOU need to have a support system. This is a WE thing, not a ME thing, because the ME thing is what got us in trouble.
I have been on this site for awhile and have seen MANY who did not want to let this secret out. To have FEAR is to have No FAITH..To have FAITH is to have No FEAR. ALL of them that finally told there spouse, family and friends where so happy they did and felt a big weight lifted. It is SO important for us to stay in Support and ANY Support we can get..The detox is the easy part. It is working on staying clean that takes the cake..AS a Long Time user of many, many things I will say right now that YOU have to reach out and touch a clean person..One or many that is working Recovery. There is so much to know about this Disease and you can also help your family to understand by either getting info or some videos and taking them to some open AA/NA meetings..There are TONS of groups out here today..Even the Churches have some really good recovery groups that are Godly based. It takes a couple of years for most of us that have used for so long to find a balance. The balance meaning Physical, Mental and Spiritual. TIME & PATIENCE. It is no fun for the first few months to years but it all does come out in the wash sooner or later. Do Not let your self stay stuck in the rinse cycle of the washing machine or stuck in spin dry. Reach out and get that laundry done all the way.(fluff-n-fold). I do know for the past few yrs I have had to UP, Change, Add & Remove tons of Support..Life will be life and sometimes it gets a bit hard or family passes on and your Heath can declines. Still you have to stick it out with Support so we do not run back and hide under a substance and it can be any substance. Addiction comes in many flavors and we like them all..Many, Many Changes have to happen. No more playing in the old playground with your old playmates that use. This is a no-no and it can only cause major triggers. To stay clean is no walk in the park but it sure can be done. Now it comes down to the choices we have to make and the right path we must take. Once we get clean we have to work hard to stay clean. I sure wish you the best and I will pray that you reach for Support and find a way to have your Family there with you. I could of not done it with out all the Support I have gotten and Family was a BIG one. Be Safe, Be Good and always keep your Guard Up at all times.
Bless
PS..You have already taken the first Step by coming on here and telling your secrets..Now let your Family & Friends in on it..Do NOT be afraid..You will feel so much better and YOU really need them right now..lol
Addiction is a Brain Disease and with ANY disease we need HELP & SUPPORT.
I came clean over a couple of yrs ago and got really hooked on the Methadone that I got prescribed after the other opiates. Then I was snorting Adderral with it. I do not have ADHD and had to buy the Adderral from the streets. I thought in my addictive brain that it was OK, because it was a med. These 2 drugs were just like my Crank days in the later 70-80s. I would take a benzo to come down at night. I went c/t from all 3 and experienced many stages of healing for months and months.
The BIG thing about Addiction is that it is a progressive disease. I started using & drinking at the age 14 off & on and never thought nothing about it, except that I liked to go party..OR everyone was trying some new drug as each year went bye. NOW since I have been working the hardest I have ever in my later 50s, I now know more about this awful disease. If you can look it up in a more Scientific way you will understand a bit more and what it does to the Brain and all that wiring up stairs. It unbalances the Chems, Hormones and Transmitters. This will not cure you but it will help you understand a bit more..The meeting will too. There is a part of the brain that is the Pleasure part, the mid-brain-survival part. This is part of the Brain that drugs take over and Nothing matters in life as far as survival but Drugs, or any thing you are Addicted too. This is where it becomes Beyond Willpower.
A couple yrs back I had my Family watch and read alot on the Nature of Addiction and also Addiction and the Pleasure Pathway. Also there was a couple of great Videos out that explained it all in a more scientific way..This helped my Family to understand that it is not my fault that I am a Addicted and that I had no control. They did learn alot from all these videos and readings. There SUPPORT was so awesome and they where the ones that kept me on earth, reminding me that this ALL will take time to balance out. YOU need to have a support system. This is a WE thing, not a ME thing, because the ME thing is what got us in trouble.
I have been on this site for awhile and have seen MANY who did not want to let this secret out. To have FEAR is to have No FAITH..To have FAITH is to have No FEAR. ALL of them that finally told there spouse, family and friends where so happy they did and felt a big weight lifted. It is SO important for us to stay in Support and ANY Support we can get..The detox is the easy part. It is working on staying clean that takes the cake..AS a Long Time user of many, many things I will say right now that YOU have to reach out and touch a clean person..One or many that is working Recovery. There is so much to know about this Disease and you can also help your family to understand by either getting info or some videos and taking them to some open AA/NA meetings..There are TONS of groups out here today..Even the Churches have some really good recovery groups that are Godly based. It takes a couple of years for most of us that have used for so long to find a balance. The balance meaning Physical, Mental and Spiritual. TIME & PATIENCE. It is no fun for the first few months to years but it all does come out in the wash sooner or later. Do Not let your self stay stuck in the rinse cycle of the washing machine or stuck in spin dry. Reach out and get that laundry done all the way.(fluff-n-fold). I do know for the past few yrs I have had to UP, Change, Add & Remove tons of Support..Life will be life and sometimes it gets a bit hard or family passes on and your Heath can declines. Still you have to stick it out with Support so we do not run back and hide under a substance and it can be any substance. Addiction comes in many flavors and we like them all..Many, Many Changes have to happen. No more playing in the old playground with your old playmates that use. This is a no-no and it can only cause major triggers. To stay clean is no walk in the park but it sure can be done. Now it comes down to the choices we have to make and the right path we must take. Once we get clean we have to work hard to stay clean. I sure wish you the best and I will pray that you reach for Support and find a way to have your Family there with you. I could of not done it with out all the Support I have gotten and Family was a BIG one. Be Safe, Be Good and always keep your Guard Up at all times.
Bless
PS..You have already taken the first Step by coming on here and telling your secrets..Now let your Family & Friends in on it..Do NOT be afraid..You will feel so much better and YOU really need them right now..lol
Hang in there bro, I know our battles are different but the same. I have been wanting to do this for a long time now. If I fail this time I will probably be on my own until I do it without anyone else knowing. If that makes sense.
How did they handle it when you went to rehab last time? I'm going to attempt to get threw this without my wife knowing. Hope it works
Funny, I used to own national differential in Littleton, co. I myself am machanic and I know the stress involved with that.
I own my own auto mechanic shop... and honestly my family hard nose as hell.. I can't even tell my girl bro... nobody knows they have no clue... I bet being sick on the drive would be brutal
I think your not giving your family enough credit. I hope! I don't want to think you have know body.
Yea the drive may be good but being sick in a car for so long blows. If your family turns their back then that should give you more reason to get well. It's their loss if they do. I'm sure your a good person just made bad choices. Like me. We can do this ****
No support. . I'm terrified. I'm suppose to have everything together little does anyone know i am a hot mess
How is your support system? Is your family around? I'm sure they have had battles as well. My mother thank god understands but I know my wife is over this ****. I'm trying to look at it as though I only have a month or so to get better. That's nothing to the five years of hell. Myself, I am masking pain through my drugs man. I know that's not good. But I'm scared to man
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