I made it worse.

[kweenofharts]

I made it worse.  After getting down to my last one I got 80 more.  Actually someone refilled them for me.  I feel awful, but was also in a way relieved that I didn't have to quit yet.  The thing is, I want to quit- it's just easier to think about things in a blur when I feel happy.

[avisg]

It is alot easier to think about getting instead of doing it we have all been there at one point or another .There will never be a perfect time to do it .You just have to decided that this is it and do it.Make yourself up a plan that will work for you .Wd s u c ks but its only a short time of a very long life that I guarantee is better when you are clean

[catmagnet]

I don't think it's the end of the world. Just muster up your courage and consider it a setback. You can do it.

[worried878]

I u r planning on hanging onto them then u will eventually take them...for me when i quit..i was just SO OVER IT..it may have made it easier for me than for many..I am not sure...Did anyone else feel this way?  I didnt keep any pills around tho/flushed a bu11load of pills/so empowering/...no refills either and told my doctors and friends who used/well friend/ that i was done....so i really think when u r ready then these things are easy or at least easier to do...I was actually excited about quitting and couldnt wait til my long weekend came so I could be done..I was afraid a little but my wd was not as bad as I thought it would be
When u r ready u will know...and it will be somewhat easier than trying to quit when u r not ready..almost no one gets this right the first time...but if someone really wants it deep down, they will win...after being on this forum and reading and helping people taper and such I have learned to feel when someone will make it or not..not always right but most of the time..and of course i would never say so to the person
Signs I have noted may mean someone is just not quite ready to quit:
1..refusing to flush pills and keeping pills in the house while quitting
2.  not picking a quit day if tapering, or at least a time period to be done
3.  leaving refills at the pharmacy
4. refusing to hand over pills when tapering even tho the person is not doing well with the taper on their own
5. Continuously talking about how much they enjoy the pills and how horrible it will be to live without them
6. Being so afraid of wds that they actually sabotage themselves..seems that some are severely/almost abnormally afraid of the wds..normal to be afraid i think..most are...but to be so afraid that u do not quit because of it...fear keeps them from quitting when in actuality, the process of continuing to use is by far the scarier option

[kweenofharts]

Yes, I took about 6 or 7 last night.  None today.

[scaredmom330]

I agree with gizzy., if you don't truly want to quit you won't...if your doc is available you won't ever stop...good luck, stay with us we are supportive not judgemental...

[dominosarah]

I didnt have insurance and rehab wasnt an option for me either but my pure determination to stop the madness and get clean was what brought me thru.  You have to really want to get clean and know you will stop at nothing to get there.......

[gizzy32]

Well i wanted to quit too, cause it was easier to live without caring and being high all the time. Wanting to quit will do you no good if your not ready. Addiction is a viscious cycle and it sounds to me like your not putting any effort in. If you can't afford rehab there is N/A or A/A available somewhere, there are counsellors, this forum. There are always ways to get help. The only reason i say this is after being the king relapser and believe me i wanted to quit and at times i really really tried, but i just kept failing without any help or support. We have to learn the tools to stay clean, i never believed that, but it's so true. First you have to believe in yourself and make a plan how your gonna STAY clean.  Having someone get you 80 more everytime it's tough is not a good start. This was not meant to sound rough or mean, im cheering for you, but it's gonna take a serious commitment to do this. YOU CAN DO THIS:) good luck.

FLUSH FLUSH

[catmagnet]

Well, your kids and good health for yourself could be a good motivator...have you taken any of those 80 pills yet?

[kweenofharts]

I think my point to this is that I feel guilty, confused and trapped.  Even though I know I am trapping myself.  Rehab just isn't an option again, and I don't have insurance.  I don't remember where I got the motivation to stop last time.