This time for good

[FeelnHelpless]

Hope everyone had a nice 4th of July weekend.

I'm happy to say that, even though it hasn't been easy, I'm going on day 5 of only having to take 1/2 (5/500mg) of vicodin at night to help me sleep.  I had to keep myself busy, even though I thought about taking the pills because that is what I did for the last two years, I told myself that this time I would not give in to the cravings.  I prayed at night when I would wake up around 3am to the "CREEPY CRAWLY" sensation, but I would not take one.  I knew God heard me because I would somehow fall back to sleep.  This morning I caught my self feeling very irritable and taking it out on my husband and boys, (not my little guy, although that doesn't excuse my behavior) I came so close in telling him, but instead I just said I had a terrible headache and wanted to take a nap.  I went in the bedroom, shut the door and cried.  I knew right then and there that I could not go back to taking the pills and having to go through this again.  Plus, I know that this isn't fair to my family, even though they don't know.  So I'm sticking to this one way or another.  I know I will have to get help with dealing with the things that trigger me to want to take them, but first I will have to atleast give my husband the chance to let him be there for me and to be the shoulder I need to cry on.  I have to be open with him and let him know the hurt and sadness my family has caused me instead of keeping it inside and just taking the pills to numb me of these feelings.  I am desperate to get out of this hell I have lived in for so long.  So...with all this said, I just want to thank all of you for being here.  I will continue to share my up's and down's with you and every now and then give a helping hand to those who need it.  :)

[dominosarah]

Am glad you are sticking to this.  Being clean is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your family.  Telling my family members was one the best things i did.  No longer had to carry my dirty little secret.  The mental part is tough but i have made my own trigger list that i keep close by.  Keep going forward and tell yourself you can do this.  It is so worth it.  Stay strong and keep posting.               sara

[joann1975]

Good for you....and you will be feeling better soon. I am glad you will still share your ups and downs....I think it is important for people to stick around and show others it can be done and it can last! I didn't think I could tell my husband and I finally did and he was SO understanding. Not that he isn't about other things but I just felt such shame due to my addiction. It has been a huge weight off my chest for him to know and also helps me to not relapse.

Keep up the good work!
JoAnn

[sadinmichigan]

I am so happy for you..Congratulations..you will be feeling even better soon...anytime you need to talk..I'm there..stay strong..god bless    Lisa