Tired of screwing up!

[sue41]

I am so tired of this cycle.  Getting clean, staying that way a few weeks, then screwing up again.  Without going into details, I let my demons get the best of me and slipped for one day.  I ended up taking like 12 hydro 10's.  This happened on Friday and I haven't had any since Friday night.  I guess I should start over AGAIN.  So today would be day 2.  I don't know why I can't get a hold on this.

[worried878]

Agree...dont keep playing with them cos they will win if u do...just a matter of time for most...one day it wont be so easy to quit.  Many people who do have bad wds start using again even tho it hurt to quit.  I had quit for a month, 6 months before this last time and it did not "hurt that time"..I quit to get my tolerence down before surgery..didnt work tho...did hurt this last time 3 months ago when i quit.  U have a tolerance so they are in your blood now...be careful...stay away and enjoy your wonderful life

[Crispy]

Eienstien once said true madness is doing the same thing and expecting diffrent results. Lets find whats taking place and lets change this or find a diffrent way to deal with it. THese drugs give us pleasure now pain later, these drugs are not stronger then us there just more manipulative the sometimes come into our heads as thoughts of rationlization, carefree, put it out of your mind that taking them is a option. If you leave that "well its my choice if i take them or not" they will hang there hat on that hope and live in your head until u give in. Dont beat yourself up for starting over. In NA and AA u know who gets the loudest round of applause? not ppl that have been clean for 20 30 40 yrs but ppl that have been clean for 1 day because its first day your reborn again. wow sorry didnt mean to ramble i may have wrote that for myself as well as you. <3

[Friend999]

I have read your profile, and also saw that you have posted many times, so you must have read many posts.  You say that you have a good and loving family, a good job, and are basically happy. You have said that you would never, ever take Hydros enough or long enouth that you would have severe withdrawals, and that you don't have severe withdrawals now. You called the Hydros demons, and they are.

Sue, you are playing with fire.  It couldn't happen to you, long term, sustained and out of control use?  This is exactly the trap so many people on here have innocently found themselves in.  All of those wonderful things in your life are in danger.

If I am being too frank and if it offends you, I'm sorry.  Please go to the addiction social community to the the poem I posted entitled "The Pills of False Happiness". The Hydros are the devil, and he's grabbed your hand.

Sue, I don't have all of the answers, but the many wonderful people on this site are, and will be, giving you guidance.  Please, please, do whatever it takes to never ever use again, for you, for your family, your job, and for that wonderful life that you have.  Dig deeper than you have ever dug into your soul, and pull yourself out of a cycle that can only lead to disaster.

Please, please do this.

Friend999

[hopsing94]

Sue don't ever say never. You are setting yourself up for failure. All It is gonna take is one time that you don't want to feel the minor symptoms you have and you'll keep using and using and soon will be physically dependent. You are flirting with addiction right now. I think you really need to talk to someone and seek some sort of help before this does creep up on you.  The fact you can take 12 hydros in one day shows you have already built up a tolerance. Please be careful.

[sue41]

I have been so lucky.  I have never experience REAL withdrawls.  I get grouchy and feel like **** for a day or two and that is it.  Maybe that is why I keep going back.  I tell you what I am not going to do, I am not going to take enough for long enough that I will have withdrawls though (LOL).  I have such a wonderful life.  Two kids that I adore, a husband that would do anything for me. a job I love, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??????

I am from a really small town, so we don't really have any kind of aftercare around here.  I keep coming to this forum for support.  I am thinking of contacting my pastor and asking him if he knows of anything.  He is pretty young, and I know for a fact has no experience in this area so that I could talk with him.  I am going to keep on, keeping on and remain strong for myself and my loved ones.    DAY 3

[flmagi]

Look into Suboxone. Go to Suboxone.com, read about it and find a doctor near you.  Suboxone is a great option if you find yourself on the relapse merry-go-round. It can change your life and give you the time you need to forget about the pills and addictive behavior.  I highly reccomend it for someone like you (and me) and many others who can't seem to break the relapse cycle.
PM me if you have any questions. Good luck,
Magi

[worried878]

If u had been clean a while..the wds should not be much..but mentally it is hard after u relapse...makes it easy to do again if u dont get a plan together and stay strong...aftercare is so important in this area of the process...my meeting in tonight and i am ready...need my meetings right now

[kim715]

It's a hard thing to get a hold of.I commend anyone who gets it completely right on the first try.I know it can be done the first time around but I went round for round with the pills a couple of times.You haven't given up though,you're still fighting,so learn from your past mistakes and keep moving forward.YOU CAN DO THIS,and I agree with r2r aftercare is a must.Hang in there,I'll keep you in my prayers. Peace.

[road2recovery]

Have u tried any kind of aftercare...Even if it is not a meeting...Maybe a counsouler...That is the only thing that has helped me this time...I have screwed up many times too,...Just try again...It will happen
good luck
r2r