overdose? i know im an idiot

[brodie22]

i took around 15 x 20mg lexapro last saturday and then took 28 x 20mg lexapro the saturday just gone - i know - stupid - just one of those ****** weeks where i made bad decisions...just worried about long term effects - i cant sleep and have a bit of a fever - but i was expecting these things - a bit worried about the fact im having diffuctly urinating and when i finally can its stop start....any clues please would be really appreciated - i dont want to go to the hospital and miss another day of work if i dont have to - i am so close to being fired

[Kbusymom]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.  I've found most drs are not experienced treating addiction; it can be so frustrating!!  They prescribe the pills and then are I'll equipped to help get us off.  
Good luck to you and I'm so happy you have a supportive partner.

[nursegirl6572]

Hi again, I'm glad you're keeping us updated!  Thanks for the clarification about your earlier comments, like vicki said, it IS hard to sometimes be able to assume one's tone and what they're saying without the benefit of the face to face kind of situation.

I too am sorry you had such a horrible experience.  That's a shame and NO one deserves to be treated like that.  There's good doctors and bad doctors, and clearly you've run into a few who are on the "bad" list.  I agree that they (the one especially) should be reported to the medical board.

As for your plan moving forward, I honestly think you should seriously reconsider an inpatient program, simply because for ONE, you DID act very recklessly and could have harmed yourself overdosing on your pills.  

TWO, you're clearly still feeling a very urgent need to be seen and monitored by a doctor, as well as having a rigid plan in place to safeguard your pills.  Basically, it seems as though right now you need a more intense program, and an outpatient program just isn't going to allow for that kind of supervision/attention.

I understand that you have reservations about an inpatient program, but there absolutely ARE very good programs out there, and I think you would really benefit from that kind of environment.  

I would recommend discussing this again with your doctor, and share your concerns about the quality of the program.  Explain what you feel your needs and goals are right now.  Inquire about what your options are as far as IP programs go.  A lot of times, the programs at a psychiatric hospital tend to be a bit better than those in a psych unit at a general/community based hospital.  It's just a more specialized kind of care, and usually those types of facilities have a wider range of resources and a more comprehensive plan of care.

I would really recommend you thinking about the IP option long and hard.  It would be something that would help you to get your anxiety under control, get your medications stabilized, and allow you to take part in a more intensive therapy regimen, so you can start exploring WHY you did what you did, so you can start turning things around.  Those kinds of admissions are usually pretty brief, so it's not like you would be admitted for months, plus, you would be signing yourself in voluntarily, so it wouldn't be like you were being "locked away".

Very best to you, please keep us updated!

[Merri12]

I'm glad things are moving along for you. Did the first place ever do the blood/urine tests you wanted?  I am do sorry you were treated like that. It could've been anything that made you shaky, not just drugs.

Keep going. You are moving in a positive direction. I hope you get some sleep too. Thst will help. And I amso happy you have such a loving supportive and smart partner. You have so much that is good in your life.

[brodie22]

my doctor gave me a script for 25 x 10mg temazapam and said to get some rest and we cant see a pshychiatrist any sooner unless i want to check myslf into the in patient ward in emergency at the local hospital (been there - they just load you up with more drugs so they have a controlled environment to work in and you have to figure out how to start life again when you are "feeling better")

feeling pretty betrayed at this point - so i rang every psychiatrist  i could find in perth to see if they could do payment plans and get me in sooner etc...5 minutes after I got home - i was leaving a message at my gp's reception to let him know the name of someone who can see me within the week hopefully - and costs the same as the appointment for 29th Feb - thought he might like to pop a referral on the fax....

im not going to let anything get in my way that i can help - i know there will be things i cannot help - and it will be hard - but the ones i can already fell good!!!

and i got the script - asked the chemist if i could pick up 2 every day from them as needed so i dont have them at home as a risk.

day 2 of making good decisions mate - i even smiled this afternooon!

[brodie22]

no my partner has all perscriptions with him until the doctor advises otherwise - im seeing my doc in an hour and ii know its going to be a rough few months (years i dont know!) but if i hate myself this much - why should i complain about anyone else thinking it.

there is a possibility that i might take joy in life again one day - but i also know i have got a lot of work to do and probably a fiar bit of crying - im just glad i feel strong today but suuuuuppper tired! cant wait till my body starts chilling out with my brain again so i can sleep!

i cant thank everyone more for the advise and - for just knowing what a bad day means to some people  

[vicki595]

I get you on the sarcasm but have learned that not everyone gets it and it's even worse when it's in writing and not face to face, right?  I can so relate to that...lol.   I knew you were kidding about the phone call from the inventor but I know what you meant. I keep telling my dentist his kids need to thank me for their private school education...Not everyone appreciates a comedian though and that's too bad!  We all need to laugh more...

[Whollymolythathurt]

Hang in there Brodie.  If you can do what you just described you can get through this.  It took a lot of courage to ask for another doc and not just walk out and go home.  Good for you.

Keep up the fight & keep posting

[vicki595]

It's horrible to be judged like that Brodie...and I'm sorry about those people but what can you do?  We live and we learn right?

So tomorrow you'll see your regular doctor, is that right? Focus on getting that health plan together so you stop hurting yourself like this...

Are you safe right now? Any pills nearby?  Try to get some sleep or just rest until tomorrow, okay?  You need some help and you're trying to get it. Be proud of that because you're stronger than you realize.  

[brodie22]

i have a tendency to say something sarcastic during most important time in my life - it annoys others, but i think im hilarious :) i definatley was not blaming lexapro - please dont anyone think that - i just ook too many - and coz there not cheap and im not rich - i made a quip about the box being gone...my bad if insensitive - i do have to think before typing sometimes, thanks again for your support, i really really appreciated just knowing i could come back here

[brodie22]

i am aware of how long and badly spelt / spaced it is - but i had to tell people that would know how in shock and in disbelief and ashamed i was

even if i had overdosed on an illegal drug - why is it to them to know how or why

i am so appalled - but so proud to see the smile on my partners face when i told him it was something that really could have broken me - but i see their smug faces judging me -

and i know - i know how i treat myself and how i speak to myself now - they were like a mirror image of my lack of respect for myself and lack of confidence - and i dont want to look like them - not one bit

[brodie22]

yesterdays doctor visit was my version of hell - background on me - i havnt left my house in 7 days and after not sleeping for 3 days because of my stupid lexapro act - im obviously feeling pretty precious about going to a doc i dont know to tell him all this, but my partner said, just go in there, and even write down what you have taken so you dont feel pressure - i did, and i really appreciated that idea, because i guess everyone here knows what its like to tell 1 stranger how you feel, let alone go through the story again and again - i find explaining how upset i get - makes me more upset, and at least i dont feel like ive missed something if its jotted own when im obviously dazed...

this is long - but if i really wan t to share this with .... well....anyone!

he calls my name - i walk in - i am quiet shaky - not agitated - but the lexapro was still kicking my *** at this stage - so i said straight away, "sorry if i am a little shaky, i havtn slept and that is whys im here i guess...i took too may tablets, and just wanted a doctor to check on ....."

thats as far as i got - he had not looked me in the eye once after he saw i was shaky - had already printed off a drug and alcohol test and scribbled the helpline on a scrap of paper - and  handed them to me.

i looked at him and said but you dont even know what i took - i havnt even explained a symptom, i have the list here in case that......

again he let me get that far and stood up as if to finish the appointment.

i started crying and said "i just wanted to make sure that i am physically ok and hopefully get a referral to a.......

as far as i got

him: "go to the hospital then"
me"i dont understand why this is hard, i came here for help and you are being so horrible,i even wrote a list so you dont have to deal with my mixed up talking...."

"well go to the hospital"

istood in the doorway crying as he closed it - everyone in the waiting room (massive wiaiting room) can see me & i have no idea what im supposed to do next.

i go to the front desk and ask if he is a registered doctor and she said of course he has been 20 years - i was upset and in shock and embarrassed - but i wasnt going home to worry again - so i said "coul i please see another doctor as soon as possible - i came here to seek medical advice and im trying to get some help, however, that doctor wouldnt let me say anyhting to him...

she said ok

next doctor called me in - im still crying - he has obviously spoken to the previous doctor - and decided that im a meth addict after drugs or something - and he goes "so what can i do that doctor """" could not hmmm?

i said - i am trying really hard here not to just leave - but i am asking for help - can you please just listen to what i have to say before pushing me out the door.

he smiled at me like i was a little kid needing a nap and said ok

i gave him what i had written down, HE WASNT EVEN GOING TO TAKE IT OUT OF MY HANDS! i said your a better reader than i am a speaker right now, please just look at it, and l would like to tell you my symptoms afterward if that is also ok before i leave"

i wasnt being rude - or angry or aything - i was too freaking tired and upset to even manage it

he takes the things i had written and looks up at me and says - are you on lexapro currently? i said yes - he said well no wonder you dont feel well this is a lot - and kept reading over the list again and again

i said - sorry did i forget to jot down the herion and speed you thought would be on the list - and he looked genuinly sorry so i just said - could you please send me for a blood and urine test so i can leave you alone to your next patient - and dont judge people like that - i feel disgusting - and if next time a women or man comes in suffering from lack of sleep and has "overdosed" on something - you dont know who they are -

i left the surgery - bawled my eyes out hystercally for 30 minutes - then drove home and called the director of the medical campus - and i promise i will see this through - i told them i dont want anyone fired - but if i had of been one little itsy tiny bit weaker i would have just gone home and tried to do something else - and i felt so hurt by the people you go to when  your not well and embarrassed and betrayed.

i had to share - because once i got home and wiped the tears - it was like i had to get help just to **** them off - like "hey - your not allowed to hate me more than i do!"

so im off to my normal gp at 12 - and i must say - i will not leave his office until i have a suitable - and within a reasonable time frame - mental health plan.

after the way two medcal proffesionals looked at me yesterday - i am keeping those looks planted in my memory every time i feellike backing down or like not going to the appointment - or that trying a new antidepressant is too hard - not as hard as that day - no way in hell

[vicki595]

That's god to know...Are you doing okay?

[brodie22]

my apologies. i am here - i didnt go to the er, but did start to feel better during the night - however - i obviously wanted to get checked out - couldnt get into my gp as it was the day after australia day and i had no hope of an appointment - so i just wen to the generic gp and thought - well its a doctor - they all read the same book and if they didnt i can just ask them to do bloods and urine tests and thats really all the hospital would do aswell.....im going to explain my appointment, but will post this first so you all know im still kicking.

[vicki595]

Such a strange thread...he sounds so cavalier yet he's obviously suicidal and now there's no word from him. Threads like these are so upsetting for everyone...

[bill12345678910]

can you update us please and let us know you are ok

[nursegirl6572]

So, what was the outcome?  Did you go to the ER?

This comment is a bit confusing...

"will certainly let u no what they say - and im expecting a call from the inventor of lexapro to thank me for putting his kids through college any minute now...thanks again for the support!"

Obviously, it was said in jest, but I don't fully understand where you're going with that thought process.  People are always the one who have the final say in the decision of trying a medication or not.  Of course the pharmaceutical companies are in business to make money, and of course I would agree that these kinds of meds are often overprescribed, but it's important for one to be accountable for the decisions they have made.  Taking handfuls of an antidepressant was unfortunately a choice you made (twice).  I hope you get the help you need to explore why you thought you wanted to do that.

Take care.

[msdelight]

You are on Lexapro I am assuming for depression, and your taking handfuls of them in an attempt to give yourself a heart attack?  Honey you sound like this med is giving you suicidal ideations which is a side effect of the Lexapro especially if you are a very young person. Are you a teen or twenty something? You must flush all the pills immediately, get to the ER and seek out a psychiatrist to help you. You are suicidal and should not be on any antidepressant right now.

[brodie22]

will certainly let u no what they say - and im expecting a call from the inventor of lexapro to thank me for putting his kids through college any minute now...thanks again for the support!

[Pat1956100]

Please be honest with them at the ER.  If you were trying to harm yourself if could be because of the Lexapro.  Tell them everything.
I hope they help you.
Hugs
Pat

[nursegirl6572]

Glad to hear you're going to the ER, definitely necessary!

If taking these pills was an attempt to harm yourself, you need to address that too.  One day you WILL be successful and won't be here to try again.  That's not the answer.

Please update us, fingers crossed that everything is okay!

[brodie22]

well if i write back on here tonight i will be ok and im just an idiot with a lot of lexapro in my belly and a bladder infection!- cross fingers

[brodie22]

i didnt want to get high off them- i was drunk and hoping it would give me a heart attack or similar - i have nights like this where i just do my nut and will take anything - when it comes to depression there just aint no fixing it - thanks for your help - i will go to the ER

[brodie22]

im not sure - just sweating a bit - not too bad if i just lay down. i thought it might be kidneys  - will go get checked out - thank you

[brodie22]

ok thanks everyone - i just didnt want to rush of to hospital and make some big drama....my partner is leaving for work in and hour - so i will drive up to the
ER when he leaves - again I really appreciate everyones help