Listen to IB stephanie - she knows what she's talking about.
You need help and in order to get that help you will need to make the first move. You say you have to wait until August to see your doctor--that isn't good enough. Find a new doctor, go to the ER. You could be dead by August and you know it. Start making calls and get to see someone today.
I hope you get the help you need. I will pray for you.
Only you can decide when you're ready to quit.
The forum is great for support, but you're going to need a good plan in place to do this. Let us know when you're truly ready and the members here can help you get through this.
Good luck to you.