scared and confused

[Lou444]

My son(19 years old) started suboxone treatment one month ago. He has relapsed every weekend. He has figured out how to take subs, then go off in preparation for more heroin. He's not totally honest with his counselor. He sugar coats his progress in fear that he will be kicked out of the program. I am not sure the program is working for him. He only sees the counselor once every couple of weeks. It's not enough. His willpower is lacking. My son is very angry and sees no light at the end of the tunnel even though his support system tells him otherwise. Because of drugs, he has lost his college education, friends,etc. However, he knows if he can get back on track then he can go back to college. Everything seems hopeless to him. Are these typical behaviors? What is our(parents who care) next step? Do we take it one day at a time in hopes that there will be a light or try another program? It doesn't matter what we want if our son doesn't want it first. I should backtrack and tell you that he was the one that told us about his addiction. He wanted help. Now, he's getting help and it's not working. His behavior is effecting the entire household. We are all under a great amont of stress. I know...someone will tell me its not our problem but his. Except it is our problem when his behavior has a negative impact on our home. We walk on pins and needles. This is the most difficult thing ever! We had so much hope and now we are losing hope.

[gizzy32]

Most of us have had to hit rock bottom. I thought I had, but it just got worse. This is very difficult and although 99% of times we need to want to get clean, sometimes someone can be forced. Just going by your post and your fears of him getting money again and using, rehab is probably what he needs. Suboxone does not teach you how to stay clean although it can be a wonderful tool if used properly with aftercare.  You sound like a very caring mother so don't give up hope yet, but he does need more help.

[whattodo10325]

By the way Lou. I was sober for 6 years, no alcohol, no weed, nothing at all, not even tylenol PM. I relapsed about a year ago when I had 2 route canals done and started taking Vicodin for the "pain". Anyway it got out of control, I found someone on the street to buy them from and before you know it I was taking 60-80 pills (not mg, but pills) of the 10/325 every day. Sometimes 20 in one shot, usually in the morning. Well I neded up in the ER one night from taking to many. I wan not trying to hurt myself, just chasing the high. I tried tapering and I tried c/t, I could not stick to anything. My doctor did some blood work on me and told me, "if you continue to take that many pills everyday, your liver/body will shut down sooner or later and probably sooner" Scared the Hell out of me. So I tried c/t and tapering again, but within days I found myself taking 60-80 of the 10/325 again and I could feel something (something wrong) inside. I looked into Sub, botht he pros and the cons, and I personally think there is more cons then pros with Sub, but that is one mans opinion. After sitting on the idea for 3 weeks, doing some investigative work and talking with those who had been on it before and wuit, I decided to try the Sub route. For me it was the right choice, for so many others it is not. I started out a 2 - 8 mg tablets a day (16 mg) under the tongue. I am now down to 1 - mg tablet once a day (8 mg). I break them in half. I will again start to reduce my daily dosage next week. I have been on it longer then I wanted to, but it is working, but I also want it BAD. I feel the reductions when I lower my dose, no doubt about that and just some FYI for you as a parent to understand what your son is taking. SUB is HIGHLY addictive. He will really have to want to quit using all together to get off of it and stay off. I would focus on getting him help for the Heroin first and then maybe the Sub will be a good "help" but he must be off of the big "H" for the Sub to work properly and if he continues to use the Sub and heroin together, I would consider telling the person that has him on the Sub, it is tough love but may help him out in the long run. Sorry to get so detailed with my life, I jsut needed to vent there.

[Lou444]

I know it is a disease. He needs willpower just to take his medicine, and block his craving. Resist the urge to relapse. I wish he would write on this forum as well. He writes on Bluelight, but it doesn't seems as positive or encouraging as MedHelp.

He begins a job in a couple of weeks. My fear is that he will use the money to buy drugs. However, without something to fill his time, he will go crazy....literally.

Last semester, he attended college away from home. He used all of his cash flow,sold his personel things, and even stole money from us(his parents) to support his habit. Right now, until he begins his job, he has no money. It is eating him alive. I know he doesn't want to steal for money but I am afraid his desperation will send him there. It's seems like a Catch 22 situation.

[whattodo10325]

I will have to agree with gizzy on this one, it is time for tough love. You should not be walking on egg shells in YOUR house. Good question is where is he getting the money for this. I would also let him know that he will stick to a program while in YOUR house or he will be out of YOUR house. who knows, he might not be rady for a program, ready to quit that is. I can tell you from personal experience when I was a teenager and on drugs (meth, coke, weed, pills, etc) I did not get help until I hit MY rock bottom, and everyones is different. My Dad was an enabler for a long time and that didn't help the situation. Not unitl I was kicked out of THERE house, denied shelter, food and clothing, did I wake up and say, I am done with this please help. When my family got together with me, they all told me that they loved me very much but only to call them to tell them I was ready to get help on there terms. They were more then willing to help me out, in the right and healthy way, just not the way "I" the drug addict wanted. So, I was living in my van for a while, got into some trouble with the law and well, the rest is history. I called them one day and said I want help (good help) and not the help I usually asked for. They got me into a program and I lived there for 9 months, the first 2 I hated. You had to agree to stay for at least 6 months and even longer if you wanted. But it is a 6 -12 month program and after 6 months I decided I could use a couple extra months. after that I moved in with my Mom, they helped me get a job and back on my feet. We all have a great and healthy relationship today. I wish they would of done the Tough Love eralier in my addiction but they didnt know any better. It actually saved my life, but at the time (most addicts do) I thought it was mean and unfair. It was everyones fault but mine. Thats my story and I am a firm believer that if you ahve tried your way and there (the addicts way) and nothing is working, see a specialist, do an intervention to set boundaries and start with the Tough Love program. Just my thoughts and I wish you well. Remember though, that even with tough love, they have to WANT to get clean. He might tell you he is not doing this or that or anything you want him to do. If that is the case then he still needs to find his bottom befoe he can counce back up. Good Luck with everything!

[gizzy32]

P.S. Just wanted to comment about the willpower part. It is true that willpower is needed, but there is so much more to it than that. Addiction is a disease and if not treated chances are it will progress. It would be great to see him come on here. Good luck.

[gizzy32]

If you see hope fading then it's time you no longer walk on egg shells with him and show him tough love. Obviously this program is not working if he's figured out a loop hole and using every weekend. Yes feeling hopeless is typical behaviour. I was just out of college and had it all then found coke and my life spiralled downhill so fast I felt completely hopeless. My suggestion is since he is so young, you need to no longer allow this behaviour and TOUGH LOVE. How is he getting money for all this? There is hope, but he needs to find more help. What about N/A meetings, even rehab, heroin will completely destroy him so I hope something changes. Please keep reading here and you will learn a lot about addiction. I am sorry your all going through this, addiction takes it's toll on families also.